A wise woman once said:

"Happiness is spiritual, born of Truth and Love. It is unselfish; therefore it cannot exist alone, but requires all mankind to share it."

Why Love?

Why love? Why love when we can be selfish? Why love when it hurts? I will love because I can, because I know not what the person next to me has seen or heard.
I can, and that, in itself, is powerful. I can be light when I see none, I can be love when I feel none. I can. I can love, even when it troubles me. I love when the ocean roars, when I'm swallowed whole and nothing sustains me. I can love....as much as it kills me, I love. That's it, let me die, let me be so that I may smell of this love that brings something I can not. Love is more than adoration, more than inspiration, it is deep. You must love self to embrace the unfathomable.
Love, why do you not let me go? Why am I of worth? Why does love continue to call me? Love is here, rooted within my inmost being. Stirring my passion to seek more. More love, burning my unmanageable, unrestrainable heart. This love that has unimaginably perforated my soul.........keeps me in awe. I am no longer lost when it comes to this love. I no longer have to mourn over the death of my flesh. Love fills my cup with mercy and directs me to the right path. Love forgives and I must love.

Brief

Lonely and confused, don't know quite what to do. I'm sad and afraid, think I've lost my way. This pain inside is more than just some stupid roller coaster ride. Don't know who to trust, just consider my thoughts as dust. Longing to be more than someones ornament on their door. Looking for a place to feel comfort and grace.

Stubborn people

Stubborn people sometimes stick their noses in other peoples business. What up wid dat? They literally think that their way is the ONLY way. It is so sad and quite disturbing. Nobody is perfect and instead of attempting to make peace, they are just creating more drama. It is sweet that someone cares enough to stick their nose in your business, yet maybe not appropriate. Only God can dictate and orchestrate, we are clueless. Hoping to make a difference and assuming that we know best, but it is pride and pride (unfortunately) comes before a fall. Be careful to judge, because what goes around eventually comes right back at'cha! If anything....what we can do to exemplify Christ, is to pray and love. Love with our hands and our feet, love with a servants heart and a listening ear. To love with what we have means to love with and not our piercing tongues or striking looks. Challenging, most definitely! I too, am at fault when it comes to being unrelenting. This is why I need a Saviour, someone to show me how to love when I have failed to love. Why I desperately am in dire need of hope, when the world around me has crashed into a thousand pieces because of the theories I created. I am acquainted with how messed up I am and the mistakes I've made, yet God accepts me as I am. He holds me and will nourish me back to health.....for His glory.

It's almost that time of year...

The holidays are approaching and I told the kids it would be a small Christmas. I know a lot of people are in the same boat as myself, yet Christ was born and crucified for us. The only reason we should be celebrating is JESUS! We always wake up Christmas morning and read the birth of Jesus then, we make a birthday cake for Him and sing 'Happy Birthday'! It's crazy fun!
This year, I'm totally excited that a friend of mine is planning on sharing God's love in such a REAL way. Please check her blog out and maybe you can help........ http://babycarlisleedwards.blogspot.com/

Tis the season to be jolly no matter what you've been through. Embrace His presence and let Him shine through your every action and emotion.

Love and hugs,

Kara

Why I love ice cream....

Yes, as a fitness instructor of 10 years I have this incredible, uncontrollable habit of eating ice cream. You see, it started at a very young age. My beloved father would make it from scratch on our back porch. He would stir the ingredients in this magical, blue pail until (wa-la!) the most magnificent ice cream in the world appeared. I would not leave his side until I got my bowl. He had this crazy fetish of eating this insanely, cold food almost every other day. No wonder he was labeled the best dad and grandpa in the south, right! One time when I was growing up -in the 80's, he was making our favorite snack and a lizard crawled up his pant leg...so, he started, what is now known as, the stomp. It was so funny! This was the defining moment that I knew my dad had rhythm. I was rolling over with laughter, so I can't remember if the lizard survived or not. Everytime my father ate ice cream he would stop and stare, BRAIN FREEZE. No matter how much it hurt he would finish it off. It was just too yummy. The last few months of his life, he craved this most cherished treat. So, I would pick some of my popular choices up from the grocery store and we'd sit on the back porch eating a little piece of heaven on earth. I giggle over the time when he gave me his ice cream and grabbed my prize flavor (Haagen-Dazs: vanilla with honey) to taste and then he proceeded to eat the WHOLE pint, not leaving any for me.
I adore ice cream, it takes me to a place of memories and comfort. It reminds me -that no matter what, to finish it. To finish what I started, that I may get a few brain freezes along the way yet, if I don't finish I'll never know how juicy, sweet life can be. The times where you can relish in laughter and zeal. Endure the hard times, the struggles you may encounter, so that you can garner the rich moments.....the ones that feel completely yummy in the depths of your tummy.

No reason....just rhyme

I've assessed, I'm depressed due to the fact that I've repressed pain and sorrow from compressed memories. So is this really best, or am I obsessed with the mess? Yes, you are unimpressed with my chest so why don't you just give it a rest. Stop being so possessed by your dress and the quest to be blessed. I miss feeling caressed and guess its leaving the nest, so my simple request is that your zest be pressed away from me towards the west. For now it seems as if your vest has suppressed my heart, which I suggest is distressed. Leave, because I finally confessed.

Life can be good

Yes, life can be good despite the choices we make. We are full of bad choices, we are ordinary and plain. Yet, there is ONE that sees the worth in us.
I have four AMAZING children and I love them so much it hurts at times. I desire the utmost for them. I want them to know this is not where life begins, our life begins when we find God. Without knowing our Creator, it is pointless. When we discover a slice of Him, we have a glimpse of hope and who we are. Our lives are meant to be so that we may plumage through all the shit and treasure what is real. Children, spouses, sisters, brothers, friends, we are all tangible and the depths of us are overwhelmingly beyond our control. When I seek comfort I will find none, unless I seek the right source. This world we live in is scary and full of lies, it is not our fault. People are human and can only make their decisions based on what they grew up in and around, yet there is a possibility if we dig deep enough awareness can arise. Should we cast blame or seek the truth, what is hidden in our hearts? I am desperate for peace, I long for truth, there is something that stirs within that I must not ignore. Life is more than struggling through each day, there is more than pain. We can find ourselves in a hole that appears preposterous to get out, nothing we presume will get harder. Then it happens, the disaster in us, the tornado from our past, the jagged knife that rips us in half. A few of you know what I'm describing, some are clueless, others will unfortunately tread later. The loss of a loved one, the unborn that never have a chance, the abuse of another, the raping of ones soul, body or mind, rejection, self sacrifice or the injustice of a cruel system. How we embrace this disease, this sorrow, this affliction is the key. Are we oblivious to it, attempt to run away from it, linger in the depression, or tackle it head on?
Yes, life can be good. Opening our eyes to observe the light that shines in through the blinds, that burst through the clouds which originated from such a compelling star(unlike any other in the universe). The author of this bright light is so powerful and can demonstrate to us how not only to survive, but LIVE! It may take some time to see it, then again it may not.....let the sun shine on you, that you may know life is good. That you may know God is good and only desires the utmost for you. Our decisions can lead us into trouble, yet our God can lead us to a life full of light.

Distractions

Sometimes I want to say it out loud, or shoot -even if I could just scream it! At least, that's how I feel. I want to speak truth and have it in return. I get so tired of the games people play. I don't agree with someone dragging others through the mud because they feel the need to justify their own beliefs. I am exhausted from the lies, the threats, the gossip, the flakiness of the fakeness! It's as if some people are like onions, each layer has more of a stench to them. And I, the optimist that I am, keep hoping as I continue to peel away through the tears to discover the essence of what is (supposedly) a soul. You may be wondering what any of this has to do with distractions. The smell of an onion is somewhat distracting. It has such a strong vapor that it can literally make you cry. It feels as if it is an attack on your tear glands. What is really happening is gas being dispensed from the onion reacting with the water in your tears to form sulfuric acid. The sulfuric acid burns, stimulating your eyes to release more tears to wash the irritant away. The crazy aspect of it all: if you never have cut an onion before.....you wouldn't know this scenario was going to happen by just looking at the onion. So who cares if the onion is full of flavor and has the properties of medicine. Onions are used in the treatment of diarrhea, colds, intestinal parasites, gallstones, and rheumatism. The very compounds that give onions their pungency, taste and smell have been identified as substances that may fight cancer.
What is distracting us from getting to the core, that will help us to wash away the impurities and irritants of ourselves? I could give you a long list of my distractions, but I won't bore you. Yes, some people are like onions. We do not want to deal with their layers of CRAP! Yet, by the time we are done peeling away everything....there it is, we have gained something. Whether it be patience, self control, gentleness, kindness, or even love. I have this theory that we are supposed to learn more to some degree instead of feeling hurt, lost or burned out. That we as humans are granted a spark of understanding, that we may not judge one another however, to encourage each other. I am an onion, not very appealing sometimes and distracting in ways I'd rather not say. My strong personality can be full of flavor, attempt to reach the core and you might unveil your own medicine.

Friends

Friends are something you don't realize you have until you go through what may appear like dog poo. I love each of them and see God's amazing love through them. Thank you for being there and helping me clean off the poo poo.

He shadows him

Tomorrow is my son Andrew's 8th birthday. He makes me smile in ways he will never know. He is talented and smart, he enjoys making others grin. Hence, his teachers remark of how he has become the class clown. When I'm feeling sarcastic or throwing a joke out around the kids assuming they won't hear me or understand.....I get wind of Andrews smirk. He baffles me and I find him completely charming in every way. I am aware of the slight favor, due to the fact that he is my son. What tickles me most is his incredible resemblance to my father. His frame is stunningly just like my fathers was at his age. He is quiet at times, ADORES the color orange due to his Clemson fever, watches over his younger sister with compassion and can remember the lyrics to any song! He once told me he was going to work at a bank so that he could be around money all the time. He loves math and art, he is wise in his purchases...looking at ways to save and find the cheapest route. The boy can make me laugh, that's why he shadows my dad. I am so proud of you Andrew! My heart was full of joy the day you were born and now overflows beyond measure because of you. You are such a treasure to our family, just keep being you -that's what you do best! Happy Birthday sweet-pea, I love you.

Can't Sleep..........

I can't seem to sleep. One of my boys just approached me telling me of the same scenario. Yet, his problem is definitely much easier to solve than mine. You see, he has this bigger brother that tends to snore. So, problem solved when he is assigned to another room. My issue -tends to run a bit deeper than the hoarse, harsh sounds caused by the vibration of a soft palate. I am intensely tired, my mind is refusing to rest. A caring friend reminded me to get on my knees, something so uncomplicated and practical. Such an easy answer to my dilemma, right? Well, what happens when I get on my knees and all I do is weep? Then, I don't want to take the time to seek relief in the only possible direction that will supply the peace that my body needs so dearly. I am sincerely miserable! I get headaches from my puddles of tears. Yet, I am completely lost, in the dark, in emotional, physical, and spiritual pain. Without God's presence, I literally don't know how to handle anything. I think this 'no sleeping thing' is part of God's way of getting my attention.
I know from past experiences that healing eventually comes through this unpleasant practice. So, I am borrowing Nike's logo: JUST DO IT! Everyday, I will get on my knees and wait for Him, until my knees wear down and then I will be on my face(when it is no longer painful but, joyfulness shall have taken its place). All that is keeping me from this intimacy with my creator is stubborn pride. This too shall pass and just maybe there will be laughter in the morning.

Are you there?

Do you reflect the person that lingers inside your soul? I feel as if I am still discovering who I am. Are you really who you thought you would be? Sometimes I look in the mirror and I am so disappointed in what I see. Not necessarily physically, but internally. I always believed how we look and feel is a manifestation from within. Do we see beauty for what it truly is or do we judge by appearance? My life is a song that has crescendos, as well as the decrescendos. I cannot, by any means, remain in the highlights of my decisions for this crazy song. Honestly, I have these sweet friends that keep asking me if I am trusting God with EVERYTHING. Makes me wonder, is it possible to free fall with out any fear? So, search me.....try me......see that I am hopeless. There is no escape of the fear that resides in us all. How can we get to the point where we see just a glimpse of His face and know -we will be forever changed?

I have these BEAUTIFUL, amazing children that show me what it means to discover life in new ways every day! They may passionately fight with each other yet, they also passionately defend and take care of one other. Children can be so simple in what they say, yet their perception is mind blowing. I enjoy how everything is HUGE in their eyes and the questions have no endings. Are we there, where the Lord wants us? Can we be straightforward, simply come, like a child before Him?

Focus or go, go, go?

What can I say? I'm a natural when it comes to dancing. As I danced in front of an audience last year I tripped over myself yet, no one knew because I played it off so gracefully. It was as if it was part of the next move. Now, this doesn't always apply to other situations in my life, wish it did. I might can dance, but I was born with this incredible gift of clumsiness. Just yesterday, I locked myself out of my house. While I was teaching yoga, I almost fell over a student attempting to adjust them. I was thinking about being in the moment when I dance and how aware I am of every move, it's easy to stay focused. On the other hand, when I am running late... getting the kids ready and making a brief commitment to look decent -I lose sight. So, my body displays the wonderful decor of bruises from the door knobs and rails that jump out at me while I'm recklessly running through the house. Lately I've been telling myself over and over again to stay centered. What all does this entitle? To breath, ONE breath at a time. Slowing down will be a challenge for me, yet I know it can be done! When I slow down, I discover how overwhelming the beauty of the earth and people around me truly are. Then, something so powerful happens, I hear His voice which comforts me.

Home

The only place I can tolerate being right now is in worship. I'm good, I just want to go home, I'm so tired of this place. I keep thinking that one day we will celebrate being truly at HOME, the place that its ALL about. I miss truth and my earthly dad. I only smile knowing that this time is temporary. I don't want to be anywhere except in His amazing grace. Why can't my mind and heart be one and constantly singing in His presence? Depression SUCKS! If it brings me closer to him, so be it. Please leave your comments of what you think or want me to do to yourself, I know what the Bible says. We each have to walk through life and learn from our own judgments and experiences. We can't change people, we can only influence and pray that they pursue God......because He is forever in pursuit of us.

My heart is open

My heart, it has been through some trials. This heart of mine, honestly, needs to be in the Intensive Care Unit. I know the expenses to restore the pump valves and torn muscle will be astronomical. So the price is NOT cheap, the pain: unbearable, the loved ones surrounding me concerned for my well being, and my entire body- weak....suffering from all the damage this straining heart has caused. Do I trust the surgeon? Do I really need this operation? How will I know if I will be completely healed when all is said and done?

SO, I lay down......surrender and ready to be opened, exposed, feeling somewhat empty. I would have it no other way. I'm not here for people to see just my working parts, I'm here to show you that I'm broken and hurting. For this reason, maybe you might see I'm human and trust there is hope beyond our understanding. There is a surgeon that not only stitches and repairs our vital organs of life, yet heals us too! My heart yearns for restoration, and that is only possible through One. The one who gives life, who sees us in the night and knows when to use the defibrillator.

Sometimes it gets tough

Got up with a cough that rattles the chest, piercing. My headache has been going on for 3 days now and my kids jumped on the bed ready to carve pumpkins. Oh boy! I am always up for adventure, yet with little energy from being sick....makes it challenging to even pick up a pumpkin. Thinking of my dad today, tears swell up and I'm easily distracted of thoughts of going back to bed. I have a princess, a Superman, a Jason, and an Elvis ready to finish their costumes. All I can think of is how my daddy would be taking pictures of my little ones and encouraging their precious hearts on how great they looked. We have never been promised that life would be easy, nor have we been promised it would be all bad either. Our perspective makes the world of difference. I'm enjoying the unforgettable moments right now, and learning to treasure the ones that are intensely missed. It's tough at times, but I throw a smile on and share with my kids how they can savor each second now. Keep it real, think positive, and love when you see none. Happy Halloween!

It Is Well

Today my youngest son woke up extremely GRUMPY. The 20 minute ride to school was not the most delightful due to the fact that he screamed and cried ALL the way there! This really was not the best scenario for the rest of the crew, we had to dig deep to be cheerful. Seth, my youngest boy, did not want to go to school, he wanted to sleep. He struggled putting on his clothes, had a shoe fight all by himself, and then spilled his cereal onto his lap in the car. Not once did he take comfort from me or his siblings, who tried everything to calm his demeanor.

Such is life. A lot of times I do not get my way. Situations turn out messy, and I get mad or sad. I'll fight like crazy thinking I know what is foremost when it comes to my job or my kids, not letting God solace me (what I truly need). It's challenging when you learn that your not in control. Life happens and you can try to manage it, but the truth is.....it's not ours to dominate. Sometimes this does not rest well with our souls? Are we strong enough to let go, seeing our weakness for what it honestly is: pride? To surrender and not have control? Can we give permission to the author of life, who gives us the freedom to choose if we want to lead or -shall we engage in the fact that He knows best? He is our Father and wants the UTMOST for us! I love that song, 'It is well with my soul'.

Women and books

I am reading this incredible book at the moment by the name of 'Captivating' by John and Staci Eldredge. I have not posted books before, yet this book is for you (if your a woman). It has hit some spots with me and you just have to read it to know what I'm talking about. Discover how beautiful you already are!

Substance

I am amazed at God's love, His grace and mercy. Yet, I am ashamed of how I have been such a child, mischievous and playing as if consequences don't exist. Nobody is perfect, we can't be. That is the process of being human, we are flawed and need molding, conditioning to understand how much we are in desperate need of our Creator. I know how much I deserve, which humbles me. I desire to be a better mom, a better daughter, a better friend, an exceptional example of what I believe and who I believe in. I fall short every day, my weaknesses are different from yours.....this is why I can accept people where they are. I am forgiven, which doesn't necessarily mean that I determine to keep making stupid decisions and wondering why I'm not experiencing the fullness of God. Of course, I will most likely (not on purpose) misjudge or take for granted what I have. Eventually realizing that I must get out of bed the next day to uncover the mess that I made. I try not to look back at my life and regret anything. I have purpose, just as much as you. We are not here by mistake, we have the opportunity to invest our hearts, minds, our souls into something beyond ourselves.

Today, my 7 year old went to time out in the corner about FIVE times within TWO hours. I kept thinking "HELLO, anybody home?" Then it occurred to me, how often do we as God's children get distracted, disobey, repeat our sin and get frustrated? Frustrated to the point where our noses are in the corner and we are fussing, pitching a fit and angry that we have to sit out, feeling as if we are wasting our time. Not acknowledging how we behaved poorly, we might even be conjuring up ideas that justify the intolerable behaviour. I lack discipline in some areas of my life(who doesn't, am I right?), I'm not saying that's cool, I'm just saying. It puts me on my face when I know that my daddy is with God and I'm here still struggling to make sense of it all. I need substance, I covet consistency.

This is why I am in love with such an incredible God -that holds me in the worst of storms, believes in me, finds me as an awestruck beauty, feels my pain, reaches into my most sorrowful moments to comfort me and heals my wounds. There will be pain on this earth, yet my Father, my God promises and has proclaimed He has overcome this world through Jesus. There is absolutely nothing that He can NOT do! He is more than what we can possible imagine! One of my friends has written such a wonderful song that expresses God as the substance that I cling to and the anchor that holds me. There has never been a time where He has withheld His love from us or He has felt short of who He is. And yes, this is the song you see me screaming out loud in my car at the red lights.

I know what I want.......

I know what I want and I want it now!

I experienced God's thick, sovereign presence around 2 weeks ago. It's difficult to describe, so I use the word thick because it was so strong and pure. Kind of like the pillar of cloud mentioned in Exodus 13:21. The people illustrated the Lord as a cloud that went ahead of them during the day and as a pillar of fire at night to lead them. How intense to know the presence of God as fire or even a cloud surrounding you, a thickness that is like no other. He honestly wraps us up as if a coat, making sure we know He is with us! So, I was in awe and could not speak. This was not just a meeting where I was reading the Bible or singing worship songs, I was by myself cleaning my house. God wanted my attention and He got it. It was sovereign, stern and holy. I was honored to taste this small portion of His holiness. Now, someone might be reading this and thinking this girl is crazy. That's okay, because it's my story and I wouldn't exchange for anything! If I allow Him, God can restore me and tune my chords that have lost their key. It's almost as if I'm a pencil that is dull and needs sharpening. It's hard to use pencils where the lead has been worn down into the wood, it's much easier when they are sharp and have a pointed tip. Your writing turns out much smoother.
This is what I want, I want Him. I want God to sharpen me daily, so that I might be aware of what He has in store and eligible to live His word. He made it quite clear to me that day how I don't need to be messing around. He is a loving God, yet He is a serious God. His truth is worth every suffering I've ever been through. I want to be ready for Him, but I will not -unless I let Him shave the dull, worn pieces off so that I might be more peaceful, easeful and useful.

Do you ever get lost?

I recall one time when I was driving out to Colorado by myself, getting lost. I was so scared and freaked out. I swore I was going the right way, until the pavement ended. For some reason, even though the surroundings were unfamiliar, I kept convincing myself it was alright, I would end up in the correct destination. Well, I didn't and I was completely and utterly lost. Remind you this was before Map Quest and GPS, so I couldn't just get directions without asking someone.

As I drove to the beach by myself this past Friday, I was reminded of that time in my life. I was young and single, ready to do the Lord's work. I committed my life to serving God, preparing to be a missionary. It was exciting, new, and full of adventures. Except, my journey began by losing my way. I can't help but relate these feelings of being lost to my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Sometimes we can get so distracted, we lose our way. We might even insist that our way is best, that we know better. When really, we are deceived and have absolutely NO idea what it means to surrender. Allowing God to guide us, trusting Him and His word is a big deal. We can't just quote that we are christians or disciples and do our own thing, saying that the Bible was written a long time ago and how it doesn't pertain to my life. God is GOD, He still created the world, he created me and you. He knows us, yet I often question myself "Do I know Him?" His word is challenging, It seems that I fail so often....yet He awaits for me to stop and ask for directions. When I'm lost, He is my GPS. He gets me back on the paved road, because he laid it down and cares when I get lost. He even puts light posts up for me to see in the dark, how cool is that?

I am taken

Recently I wrote a post that I did not publish to the public, it was titled

"Why Haven't I Learned by Now?" and it went a little something like this......

'Wouldn't you think by the time you hit your 30s you would know who you are and be content with that? I am discovering through much heartache and pain in my life that I have no idea what it means to love myself. Memories of my past run through my mind helping me to see the pattern that became my warped view of self worth. Mother used to say: "If your going to eat like that you'll be fat." Teachers had their favorites and mentors putting me on the back shelf for another shining star. Finally, when my parents made the mistake of comparing me to my older sibling (concerning grades) it hit me like a ton of bricks. How funny is it when we take for granted the beauty all around us. I can clearly see others worth, how beautiful people shine from within, yet my own perception of self fails. This is where vulnerability comes into play and bad choices are made. What is truly disheartening is how people will take advantage of you in such circumstances for their own self pleasure.'

I didn't want to post it, I almost felt completely naked in a way that people could notice my most embarrassing flaw. Insecurity, shame, pride, and lack of faith in my creator. It all made sense when I realized how one day I will stand before my King and everything in my life will be accounted for. So, I decided this is nothing. It may even encourage someone. Right now, I am broken which means I am taken. Sometimes I wonder how I will get through the next step, or next hour when I am on my bed sobbing trying to rid myself of this unmeasurable pain. For those of you that do not know me, I lost my father a few months ago to cancer, my husband (of ten years) and I separated this past summer which has put another stress on my four children and the list could go on yet, I won't horrify you with the gory details. I started this post with "I am taken". How funny that I never realized every choice I ever made was influenced by my feelings or unconsciously based on wanting to be accepted. I didn't feel beautiful growing up or in my twenties, it was deceit and lies that spoke to me letting me believe I wasn't good enough. I saw beauty in nature and in others: internally and externally, yet I didn't recognize the gracious gifts he planted within me. So, I worked exceptionally hard to make people smile, laugh and uplift them.

Friday, my kids and I played hooky. We slept in, made homemade waffles and drove to the beach. It was so nice. We played all day by the pool and on the sand by the waves. In those moments, I felt healing and love. It was comforting to see the sun setting over the ocean. The waves washing away the footprints on the sand and my gorgeous children running towards the water made my heart soar. Free, free of worries, free of thoughts, free. I know God. He is my freedom, my shelter, my waves of redemption. He sweeps me away in His love. Only He can show me how priceless I am, how He has put abilities inside me and made me beautiful. For this.......I celebrate that I am taken. We are His and every breath we take is hope to know Him more -that we might be full of unspeakable JOY!

Psalm 139:13-18, Psalm 119:105

Nothing else should matter.....

I am here, sitting, pondering. Trying to fight my emotions. Why can't I just think more logically? I do not necessarily act on my emotions, I just get caught up in them. I know how it feels to be knocked down and NOT want to get up again. Throughout my life there have been people to push me down: emotionally, spiritually and physically. Being that I'm an Aquarius, I refuse to stay down. I get up EVERY time, sometimes it might take me longer, still, I get up. One significant factor is that I have assistance. It's more than help, it's my hero and he has an impregnable grip on me. For that matter, he has an intense grasp on you, too. For HE is OUR creator, our Saviour, our King, our EVERYTHING!

Why do I choose to love God so passionately? He loves me through my weaknesses, my pain, my scars and faults, there is no blemish of mine that is hidden from him. Who else is glad to put up with me? He has never turned away, he shares his artwork with me through the beauty of the Earth. He encourages me with words of affirmation, he pursues me. He desires my time, he craves a relationship with me! How amazing that the author of life aspires to heal my inmost being, that I may be full of joy. This is why I often say, "Yes, Lord use me. Mold me that I might be more like you and less of this shady persona." Nothing else should matter! Eternity is knowing him -the lover of our souls. I am lost without him, lonely and desperate. Only he can massage my heart to keep me alive.

Butterflies

Monday, I went for a run. I didn't realize it at the time, but I ran 4 miles. It was beautiful. The grass was green, the sky was clear, and I could breath. Nothing was distracting me, I saw butterflies and not just any butterflies....they were yellow butterflies! God knows my favorite color and it just happens to be yellow. I needed to see them, not one or two, or even three, but I witnessed five unique, marvelous butterflies towards the end of my run! The day I married, my father danced with me to the song called: "Butterfly Kisses," ask anyone who was there about the butterflies that began to fly around us, it was priceless and henceforth lies another reason I adore butterflies. It has been SOOOO rough lately, maybe one day I will be able to write about it. Yet, for right now I am just processing everything in my mind. Anyway, as I ran and grew tired....the butterflies started to appear. As if the Lord was encouraging me to keep running, to not quit. Reminding me that He loves me and how He will get me to the end of this course, that He is enough and ALL that I need. The butterflies were so light and full of color, joy was exuding their presence. Can I let go and let God so that I might be light, full of His color and radiant because of our communion?

Less of me please

Grasp it with ALL your might, hold to it fast...
be content yet, understand there is more, there always will be MORE of Him!

I am woman

I cook, I eat, I clean, I BE.
I care for those that can not care for themselves.
I work, I survive.
I love when love seems to not be.........
I laugh, I cry,
I hope for my children and their children
that they will see this life through God's eyes.
I believe
Love Lives

Ah, love

Love is unlike any other
Love does not concern self
Love continues to give
It sets your spirit free,
so that you might soar with its wind underneath your wings

Lately........

Going through hell lately, I'll let you know how it is when I get back. So, until then, I will be posting scrapes from my journals over the past 10 years. Don't be scared...........life has been quite the box of chocolates for me that you might find somewhat entertaining!

It hurts

I mentioned in my last blog that I am human and make mistakes on a daily basis. It's challenging when others unintentionally hurt you or you feel the repercussions of their mistakes. At times I ache, I cry, I hurt, I don't want to feel this way. I can't exercise enough or distract myself by having fun with friends because it remains. This pain will not leave. Pain from losing someone to cancer, sadness from separation, and disappointment from people that judge or let you down. I will crawl out of this sorrow, for this too shall pass, this is only for a season. Every season is different, like the cycle of the weather throughout the years, our lives travel through cycles. Birth, growth, death. It continues and so do we. I lean not onto my own heart, for it is wayward. So, like a lost child scared I call out for my security, the only strength I know that is capable of the impossible. Yes, I am not alone. I have hope when my well is dry. I have water that nourishes my soul. I do believe, I will cling on, for the Lord my God keeps me......He keeps me, never to let go.

just checkin in.......

It's not that late, but I got up really early this morning. My eyes are hurting so this will be short. I just want to say that it is super hard making the right decisions sometimes. I would love to go out and get some ice cream RIGHT now but the fact is I had some yesterday. Some people would say live it up, you work out enough. Yet, I am struggling with this everything in moderation cliche. I totally dig ice cream, actually anything that is remotely related to it! I could eat it EVERY flippin day! Would that be good for me? Ummmm, NO. Not good for: my heart, my blood sugar, my cellulite, my hormones, my energy level, etc. etc. etc. I ENJOY this simple pleasure yet, indulging myself without considering the consequences could end up somewhat ugly. How silly would I feel if I woke up 3 months later wondering how the hell did I gain ALL this weight? Even more so, how stupid to not think about what choices I make, what temptations lie ahead of me and act as if I will not suffer anything from poor decisions. I am more than human and make mistakes on a daily basis. I'm not saying to live in fear, but I am going to ask how will this come about? I believe that; "Making the right decision, allows you to feel the energy of the universe."

I am trying.....

I am trying, trying to cope, trying to live, trying. We have this amazing ability as the human race to process. Process what we are going through, what we've been through and dream of what we want to do. We also have this incredible way of neglecting ourselves, our family, our friends and our emotions. How we process is vital, and what we neglect is even more important. Everyone has their own path, is at a different crossroad and proceeds to challenging levels. What I fear is that most of us do not comprehend where we are, or shall I say: "We do NOT want to acknowledge the painful stages." When we are not aware of the processing we need to go through, then most likely we will have to walk through the same scenario ALL over AGAIN! Kind of like karma. When we neglect to investigate how we act, serve or handle life......then we become unconscious. I truly believe that everyone has been conscious at least one time (one moment) in their lives. Conscious by means of being: awake, alive, aware, in the moment, observant, not stuck in your own thoughts and self absorbed. Can we really ponder what it is to be real, to see who we really are and what our purpose is on this earth? I am trying, trying to truly see what is before me, trying to be at peace with myself, with others and with this life.

My boys.....

I would say that boys are curious, curious about life, about bugs, about boobs, about games, about discovering. Discovering where they are, who they are, and why they are. As a mother of three boisterous boys that endlessly challenge me in every possible way, I know I have never felt a love as deep as the one I feel with my children. Just the other day.... Andrew, my middle son, took a frozen pizza roll and crushed it into pieces with a pair of pliers. How crazy fun is that? My oldest son, Luke, tells me story after story and tries to live out his favorite character: Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbs). Seth is my youngest, who LOVES cars and is still proud to say I'm his mom with hugs and kisses! They may push me to the limit through disobedience and breaking objects, yet their laughter and small hugs cuddle my heart in a way that can not be described. I am thankful for them, I want to savor their giggles and silliness, be overwhelmed by their tackles and adorable questions. I have a feeling that God feels the same way about me and you.

All I Can Hold On To

The day my father died, I picked up doughnuts for my mother and sister. I'm not big on sweets, but every time my sis visits we end up eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts at least 3 times before she goes back home. I knew my father was having trouble breathing when I spoke that Sunday morning on the phone with my sis. I had a feeling I needed to get there quickly so I skipped out on church. When I arrived at my parents house, my sister just finished giving dad pain medicine. She said he was tired and fell back asleep. So, I thought I would give him some time to rest. My mom, sister and I talked in the living room which is not far from their bedroom. When mom went in to check on daddy 15-20 minutes later, he was gone. His body was warm yet, he was not there. I started weeping, extremely upset that I didn't see him or he didn't see me. Dana(my sister) said: "Kara, don't you blame yourself, because he waited until you got here, he heard you and knew you were here." This is one of the things I hold on to, knowing that my father waited and knew his girls were there. He wasn't alone and was comforted to know we were there. Everything in me grieves. He was such a GOOD man, the only man on this earth that I could possibly trust with my life. He was here for me, he was my daddy. I miss him and can't wait to see him again. It may feel like a lifetime for me, yet it will only be a blink of the eye for him. I want comfort, not from anyone here. I want love that goes deeper than the ocean, I desire substance. There is hope, I can not see it right now....but I trust there is hope. As I sit here listening to one of my friends songs, I agree with the words: 'Jesus Christ, overcome me with your love'.

Can't sleep

I can't sleep lately, I guess it doesn't make any difference that I can't hardly eat either. Not good for the eyes, lol. I am so terribly sad. It is fiercely true that when you lose someone SO close to you that you go through stages. When my father died, the first week I was in denial -nothing was real; last week: crazy angry at everyone and everything; this week: I have been miserable. I can't stop crying. He's gone, and I miss him more than anything right now. I wish people would stop bringing it up and pushing the knife even deeper into my chest. I hate that I'm without my dad and can't tell him everything I'm going through. He would usually say something funny to help me laugh and lighten up the situation. I'm so depressed he's not here holding Eve (my daughter) for her third birthday today. He made her giggle like no one else could. My three boys adored Papaw, that's the name my oldest gave my father when he was just under one. They would actually sit with him. A nine, seven and five year old BOYS sitting still! Oh, the fun and silly noises I would hear as they played, I can hear my dad now -speaking in a deep voice with heavy feet: "Fe Fi Fo Thumb, I smell the blood of an English man." The boys would run, hysterically screaming, trying not to get caught by the giant.
If we give it a chance, we will find that life is precious. My father helped me see things a bit different, I don't know exactly how to describe it yet, he showed me hope and joy that's not from here. Someone reminded me of him yesterday and I am so sad, sad to have him gone.
Let me grieve, do not tell me he's in a better place and he is no longer suffering. It does not comfort me. Just let me grieve.

Should I stay or should I go?

I've been contemplating lately about leaving. Everything I've been through lately, I just want to move to another country and start over. How easy it would be to not know anyone and begin again: fresh, new, with nothing or anyone to hold your past over your head. There is a place that I'm thinking of.
You don't get far in this town where I grew up and live in without seeing someone you know or people that know of you. I keep telling myself "It's going to pass and be alright." But, the ugly truth is....it won't. Things will never be the same. Circumstances and choices we make stick with us, mold us, and we keep on, regrets or not. Everything in me has to believe: that no matter the outcome, this is only temporary. I will look back and laugh or cry, learn from or repeat.

My stolen heart

How can I express the love of God, when I grieve? This state of mind that traps me in such shallow waters. I'm not familiar with this ground. I have not tread this path before. I can not sleep, I can not eat, I feel weak, Oh -how my countenance has changed. I am at a loss for words, words of comfort and peace. Harsh is my presence. Not quite the beauty I once was. Never have I been one of outward appearance, yet my light that formally shone deep from within has grown dim. I struggle to encounter the bread that has been my routine for years. I somewhat comprehend how beyond desperate I am. I crave air, not from this world, yet from the place where he progressed.

Where Am I?

Where am I? I do not know or care for that matter. I need help, I seem to have lost my way. Can someone point me in the right direction? I do not think this ride is fun anymore. Being tossed from here to there, everywhere. I'm quite dizzy and want to lie down. Wake me when we arrive at our destination.

Quote for the day.....

I am not perfect in any way, shape or form yet, He who created me is. Life is more than a dream, it is a place where we have opportune moments to influence the people around us -EVERYDAY!

Alone

This pain is too much to bear alone. I am suffering and ashamed. Is it my ignorance that has covered my absence. Absence from this place. Neglecting the everyday duties for a dream to be content. Yes, I'm depressed.....and that's ok. LOL. One day when I finally arrive to the place where I truly belong, I will see His face and feel His embrace. Nothing gives me more comfort than that, my dream of His heart in my every thought and shining through my eyes, my lips, my ears and inhaling His sweet fragrance.

My Father: Part III

Two years ago, for Father's Day, I wrote this poem for my dad:

You are my Father

You showed strength when I fell.
You gave hope to others when you least knew.
You give reason to believe in what I believe.
I love you Daddy.
Our Heavenly Father is closer than we will ever know.
He is so evident in you.
Thank you for showing His Love,
Sharing His character and building my faith.
He is forever faithful, forever our Father!

More than 14 years ago I was driving out to Denver, Co. to live, and dad flew into Louisiana because he was concerned with me being by myself. It was the BEST road trip EVER! I found out how really cool my dad was. I asked him question after question and we talked about everything, our bond flourished even more. I miss him. Now, my dad is in a place where he is surrounded by peace, completely healed and free. How wonderful to see the King, how invigorating to dance/sing without limitations and insecurities. He was blessed here on earth and I was blessed to be his daughter, to witness and experience such a relationship that exemplified what it means to know Christ.

My Father: Part II

I wanted to honor my father the day of his memorial, so I shared a bit at the service......

My dad was a wonderful father, devoted husband, caring friend and an example of Christ. He had the best smile and heart filled laugh. I used to giggle with him as a young child, express how he embarrassed me as a teenager (by telling jokes and making fun with my friends), and finally I found his humor quite appealing as an adult. I realized he was smarter than me when I was turning 12 or 14 as he beat me at a game of Tetris(Nintendo- old school). My dad was so advanced when it came to technology and more "in the know" on the latest movie or music scene. His ability to laugh and listen are two of the characteristics I admired most. He instilled scripture in me by reading bedtime stories from the Bible as I was growing up. He was kind and gentle, he came to all my games and shows, read my writings and encouraged me to pursue my dreams. I absolutely adored my fathers laugh, savored his smile, and cherished his stories of growing up as a twin. His upbringing molded him into what he became, an exceptional man. His family loved to laugh, enough to where you cry or can't breath. My dad led by example the love of God through his life by providing for our family, using discipline, showing what it means to praise God -he persevered, he was patient, he loved when no one else seemed interested, he accepted me as our Heavenly Father accepts us....no matter where we are and just as we are. He acted on God's grace and lived hope. I aspire to do the same and reflect pieces of him, parts of the King, especially to my children.

WHOA

One of my handsome boys was asking me how to spell some words tonight and then handed me this little notebook. Andrew then said, "This is a song I wrote." I was in AWE of God's infinite glory when I read each and every beautiful word. Here is my precious 7 year olds song:

The God I love provides for me.
The God I know loves me.
He is Bigger than all my fears.
My God is more powerful than lightening.

We got my guitar out to put some chords with it, then added the chorus line:

And I will worship you
And I will follow you

Moments like this refresh me and remind me why I'm a mom.

My Father: Part I

July 12th, 2009: Today, my dad left this world with a smile. He was in so much pain (cancer) and now he is pain free. I know this because I know him and his heart for our Creator. He was welcomed home with angels all around and his parents leading him to the King of ALL Kings. My father had strength, confidence, and a security that every child should see in a father.

He loved the movies, as I was growing up he would often quote from different movies. I can still hear him......."Now Kara, what we have HERE is a failure to communicate." (from 'Cool Hand Luke') I love the fact that my father had no idea how he taught me that a sense of humor is necessary for life. He had such a huge impact on my life.

I will continue in detail later......I need to finish my speech for the Memorial, which will be this Thursday. Plus, I'm tired. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

He is jealous for you

That statement is soooooo true. Last night, Andrew heard this song playing on my blog and asked, "Who is jealous for you?" I told him God is, then he asked, "Why is God jealous for us?"
God loves us with an amazing love that only He can possible provide! Who else is going to suffer for us, and actually lie upon a cross to be crucified? Who else can love us in the most horrid of circumstances, when we are trapped in our own cave of pride, self-pity and sin. There is ONE, and one alone that we can trust, that we can cry out to. He is jealous for US! He watches and waits for us to give up whatever it is in our life that is taking priority over Him. Is it facebook (guilty as charged), is it a relationship, is it sports, or is it achievements, work, sex, drugs, being the center of attention, always being right? Whatever it may be, He is jealous. He desires intimacy that only He can give. A security that only He can attain. It is He who loves, as only a creator can love. When I make something, anything.....from an article to gaining a new certification, I boast over it, show it off, get really excited about it and am so proud. Because I did it, its mine. God did it, we are His. His love for us is a jealous one.

Keep trekking

Sometimes, I think people are so stupid! Save the drama for the movies, at least the actors are getting paid! For now I'm just going to ignore the stupid people and think to myself:
"Don't give in, don't give up, keep moving, keep trekking!"

Hypocrites

Hypocrites, I think I understand what Jesus was talking about. You can not go through life expecting people to accept you as you are or see your pain and reach out a hand. When it comes to most, we use our past influences in stressful situations. Sad, yet even the best or worst of us become ignorant and hurtful without even acknowledging it. Judging others, even when we catch ourselves saying, "I feel sorry for her", is something I believe God wanted us to stay away from. His grace is more than wonderful, yet His people- more than human. Pride will tear you down if you let it control you; and anger: building up in your heart by blaming others for your pain or actions will lead you to hypocrisy. Be Jesus, not what we think is Jesus. We need to investigate the plank in our own eyes, not the splinters in our friends or families. Pray you will know him in the fullness of His everlasting arms and search His heart, for our hearts are sinful.

I might step on your toes

Football season, baseball practice, dance lessons, hockey games, bands, EVERYONE has a passion. People get crazy when it comes to what they love and their kids games. My passion just happens to be God, I'm pretty much a HUGE fan when it comes to Jesus. Yet, I have never understood why its more than okay to scream and shout your face off at your favorite teams home game, then turn around to make fun of someone singing and shouting, excited about God. It's funny....people wigging out that your totally hyped up about something that is SO MUCH BIGGER than ANY athlete on Earth! Talking bout the head dude that created these cool athletes! Nothing is better than KNOWING the ONE who created us. My whole being supports my God. People may say things that knock my love for Christ when I sing or dance, but I don't care because I know He is everything to me and I just can't seem to get enough!

Sweet Spirits in my mist

About a week ago when both my dogs got out and I had to be at work, my oldest son ran off to find them. I didn't know where they were for approximately 45 minutes and I started to freak out. Then, 15 minutes before I had to be at work, I got a call from a neighbor two streets over. "Your son and dogs are here." I high tailed it over, got my son and dogs. Then sped all the way to work where I had to change my anxiety to happy mode for class. After class, I was chatting with two wonderful co-workers whom I spoke about my hectic morning, when I arrived home....they were there. These incredible women just grabbed cleaning supplies and attacked my room. I was in awe, as if my heart was being picked up and comforted after a bad storm within my chest. Tears streaming down my face, yet a hope that stirred in me of how there are still people in this world that live out compassion. My eyesight was not playing tricks on me, there were angels in my mist. Some are thinking -so what, but you did not see my room. It was awful, boxes, trash, toys EVERYWHERE!!!! I lost the ability to take care of my home after I had Eve because that is when my father was diagnosed with a gleoblastoma brain tumor(malignant). For the past 3 years, I have been in this intense process of raising four children, starting a business and financial struggles......thus began the horrific walk of cancer for my daddy. I'm am not suggesting people feel sorry for me, please read another blog if you do. I want people to see me as an encouragement, knowing that we can press on and make it through whatever tornadoes in life that may occur. Life is not full of easy buttons, nor is it supposed to be constant suffering. I just want to know that in the end, I gave my all and did everything I could to glorify my King. There will be trials and hardships. The big questions are: "How am I responding to it all?" "Am I living as if I am taking up my cross and following Him daily?", "What is the wise decision to make?", "Can I say that in this life I KNEW my heavenly Father?", "What is my life reflecting?", "Do I shine?", "Will I have the opportunity to be someones' sweet spirit that helps to get them through an impossible moment?" My hearts desire, is to be more like Him....thank you my dear, sweet friends who picked me up and beamed the light of hope and grace, our Fathers love poured out through you.

Cancer

My father fell last Sunday and broke his right hip and knee. He is in so much pain. I literally HATE pain, I HATE cancer, I HATE pain. I get mad and wonder how can I make it go away? I think if my dad sees the kids he will want to fight more. I understand there is nothing I can do, but I HATE it! I fall apart and can't function. I want to cry uncontrollably and scream. My father just cries and doesn't want to see anyone. He can't help it, he gets angry because he can't do what he wants to do or communicate for that matter. My mother is worn down and I, barely able to stand up.

I am blessed....

I love sleeping in! I am usually taking kids to school and running off to work bright and early. So, there is nothing like a day when you get to just sleep in, even if it is only an hour or so. As I am up at midnight typing this silly blog. Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm definitely a night owl. Although, I do enjoy getting up. Fresh, new mornings, starting ALL over again. This morning, I was blessed to sleep in as my husband took the older children to school. I woke with my two younglings excited to find their mommy right beside them. We found Dr. Seuss awaiting and were very content to snuggle and discover new words. Unfortunately, we could not hide away forever, so we grabbed cereal in a cup and shot out the door to pick up their siblings, who only had a half day at school. Summer is only a day away!
We proceeded to run to the store for some toilet paper which in turn became a life learning moment. Three of them were so anxious to get more than just tp. "Why can't I have gum?" "Why can't I have this bag of balloons?" And Tink screaming over purple Jelly shoes! "No, no, no." "Not today. We are just getting what we came for." If you have children, you understand what goes on when you say NO. If you do not, good for you....your the person giving me looks as if to say, "What were you thinking when you decided to have FOUR children." Mega meltdowns, gotta love 'em! I kind of tune out the noise. When I see someone else experiencing them and I'm actually by myself -I can't help but giggle. It's SOOOO funny to watch. Human nature, I guess.
We arrive back to our humble home to enjoy more meltdowns from Tink, she did NOT want to be home. She wanted to go, go, go. I am always on the go, so when we have a day where we can just chill.....it throws Tink off and she does NOT find it acceptable at ALL. Long story short: 50 or more barrettes all over the front porch, VHS tape film pulled out and wrapped around the dining room chairs, Tiger(our sweet dog) enjoying grilled cheese sandwiches meant for someone else, bath water all over the blinds/door/floor/me/mirror, neighbors laughing at the streaker that lives in my house, colorful artwork on my white walls, missing Tupperware, gum all over face, hands and hair, and finally puzzle pieces under bed sheets, in shoes and frozen in the freezer. Some might label my precious little girl with three brothers as a Diva, yet, around here she's called Tink. It's short for Tinkerbell the tornado. She may come across as demanding at times, but I see her carefree spirit and love that I'm her Peter Pan. She follows me everywhere. She sprinkles the best pixie dust in town, just ask any of my lost boys. She makes every single one of us feel special when she says, "Hey you!" Then pulls you in for a beautiful, BIG hug! Like I said, "I am blessed!"
Before Peter Pan had to fly off to work for a bit, the lost boys and Tink watched a Veggie Tales show so Pan could watch with shut eyes.
Then bed-time was finally in sight, where Andrew asks the easy questions: "Why did God make other gods?" and "How old is God?" Like I said, "I am blessed!"
Even sitting here now, Tink finds me to make sure I'm okay. I love her pixie dust, I love my lost boys......and you know what? I am blessed.

To obtain the unattainable

I was running the other day and was so focused. It was a good day. I actually completed a mile in 8 minutes! Whooo-hoo! Not bad for a lady in her 30's. I pushed myself, I was thinking of those motivating people on the Biggest Loser show from the tellie. How they work incredibly hard to lose all that weight. Anyway, getting side-tracked. It was like someone was yelling at me that I could run ALOT faster than I was, yet there I was by myself. "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." -1 Corinthians 9:24 I encourage you to read the rest (verses 25-27), it is quite challenging. I was so pumped when I finished, with my ipod blasting in my ears, that I ran outside and shouted out loud (totally freaked some people out-just kidding, just kidding, just kidding). I sprinted across the lawn to a beautiful opening in the grass, yet out of sight for passer-bys and then, I danced. I leaped and twirled, and finally when my energy was gone I fell to my knees. I pressed through my thoughts and imagined my Savior before me. That is why I run, that is why I dance. I knew at that second that ANYTHING is possible with HIM! In Matthew 19:26, Jesus said, "With man this is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible." Now, in this passage, Jesus was instructing the disciples on how to obey the commandments. Have you ever read the commandments? Not just the 10, but ones Jesus instructed us in the New Testament? Love your neighbor as yourself, and SOOOOO many more. You'd have to be perfect! No man is perfect. When I was sprinting, cracked knees and all, I felt as if I could do anything, obtain the unattainable, because my Lord CAN! With Him, I can. With Him, I shall. With Him, I see. With God, I am not alone and have the strength to press through any circumstance. To obtain and imagine the impossible, is to KNOW the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Are you Inspired?

Sometimes, all it takes for me to be inspired is to hear music, other times I notice someone else accomplishing something that seems so far out of reach for me. Today I was inspired like every other hour, it might of had something to do with the fact that I only had 2 (out of the 4) of my kids. Anyway, my mojo was slowly coming back. I felt motivation in myself. Before I go on, I must explain where I'm coming from..... I'm a motivator, I motivate, I usually light a fire under other peoples butts to get them going. Yet, for the past couple of years my personal motivation (to truly live and live freely) has been very stale. It's as if my heart stopped beating and I was just functioning on pacemaker mode. For some odd reason today, I wanted to be fully AWAKE, alive. It was like everybody I talked to was inspiring. These people weren't saying anything spectacular, they were just living. Neighbors doing yard work, a friend telling me she was expanding her business, and at first -I was starting to feel sorry for myself with a hint of jealousy. I questioned myself: "What's wrong with me? Why have I not trimmed the bushes in my yard, why haven't I started my on-line course for school yet?!?!?!?!" Have I been lazy? Am I that depressed? Then it shifted into determination, I decided I was not going to accept watching life go by, I'm going to live it.....like I used to. Taking advantage of EVERY second, of EVERY day! So, I borrowed the neighbors hedge clippers and cleaned up the front yard: Happy Mother's Day, Kara!
Some people have justified my laziness and letting go of my house/yard work by saying "Kara, you have A LOT on your plate right now- 4 kids, work, a husband with a ruptured disc, and a father who is terminally ill." But you know, if I stop and dwell on all this craziness in my life, what good would it do me? I need something to drive me? A God who says: 'NOTHING is impossible for Him'. Who lets us know that we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us! What solid words of affirmation, that can take a person from fighting to survive into feeling the sunshine on their face. Take each step in faith, step closer to God, dig into the Bible, focus on the positive like: what CAN BE done! Like I said, are you inspired? Then what is it, that inspires you?

Covered in sin

I am completely filthy. I have said things, I can not take back. My thoughts went places they should never have gone. My face is wet with shame and mud covers my ears, so that I can not even recognize His voice. I am covered in a heaviness -that penetrates my heart to a pain that is indescribable.
I am without patience, I have NO self control, it is I who fails every time a test is afoot, I hate, when He LOVES. I am completely covered in sin, gasping for air as I weep.
Can I ever imagine the sufferings my Lord experienced? The differences between us? Jesus did nothing wrong, He had no right to be upon that cross! It is here that I am humbled. It is here that I discover WHY the CROSS exist. He willingly died on it...so that I could live and live FULLY. That I might KNOW Him, and NOT live in the dark, the unknown, to not see through pessimistic goggles. Life can be so damn hard yet, He makes it worth it. He exposes the parts that reflect His LOVE, His grace, His hope, His beauty. In every day there are reflections of Him, I just pray that my sin does not stubborn me to the point of where I don't notice them. He cleanses me, He has this incredible POWER to wash my filth away! His affections towards me are not ones of disgust or disappointment. He soothingly wipes away the mud and dries the tears, my past is still there -as it always will be.....but NOW, I hear Him. My violent past was a stepping stone to get closer to Him. I desire not to travel that road again, knowing my God is faithful and I can listen for His voice.

Take me back to India

I just watched Slumdog Millionaire and started to cry, couldn't stop. Great movie, most think....well, it's just a movie...not real. Yet, I, having traveled through-out India know differently. Some of the streets I walked on, were filled with children that were tortured in order to beg for money. The poverty is overwhelming, but the drive and the spirit of the people is intense. So many beautiful lives. I want to go back. It's crazy that I feel so trapped here, watching nonsense....people fighting over where they want to go out to eat or (even I am guilty of this) freaking out on my husband about cleaning up. I often wonder: 'Where did I go wrong seeing the big picture?' Stressing over petty things. When did I grow numb of others pain, suffering, and strife? Hopefully, there is a moment in EVERYONES life -where compassion happens. Where it is either being given to them or being given by them. I believe it is the fortunate ones that are compelled by such compassion and filled with hope, therefore learning to act upon it. My heart longs to see a better world, it only takes one to motivate thousands and the thousands to change the millions. Why not? Who am I? Who are you? What exactly is our destiny? To stand-by, maybe enjoy the ride, or BE the ride and let others experience something besides complacency, ignorance, injustice, hurt, or even hell.

Sick children

Yes, there comes a time when we get sick and it is quite the nightmare. I just realized I haven't eaten much today....should I eat or if I eat will it be coming right back up in an hour? Between cleaning and comforting children that are vomiting all over -floor, sheets, pillows, and themselves, I want to be soaked in some sort of sanitizer.

Just give me Jesus

All I can think of lately is how I am in need of better company. I am not saying the people I hang out with are bad, actually I don't hang out with anyone much. I just know that my influence is not one that I am proud of. I desire to be light and not a hindrance. I want to look at nature and be inspired by the Almighty. Share His love, His compassion. I feel as if I have lost something important along the way. I just want someone to say here, here He is.

Today

Today, I actually got a massage. Then, I gave two massages. Finally, I decided to face something really scary.....ME. I talked to someone, and as I was confronting my fears of losing my daddy...I realized the difference of physical, emotional and logical thinking. Emotion is not something you can slowly change by adding a fruit or vegetable in to your diet. It is the hardest choice you have to make by separating yourself in your mind LOGICALLY. We, as the human race make decisions all day long. Do we realize how the decisions we make are based from what we have been through, what we grew up in and what is embedded in us? What comes natural to us? What happens when we are pushed from every angle and need?

What now?

The last time my father had surgery, about 2 and a half years ago, I let go of keeping my house clean. I used to be a huge neat freak! That was stupid, LOL. Lately, I find it challenging to sleep and go to work. This is on the other end of the spectrum stupid, because I need to help provide food and shelter for my family. Unfortunately, I am very honest. Not very good at hiding my feelings. When I arrive at work....I can't walk 2 seconds without someone asking. Asking about dad. I wonder how I can be everything I am qualified to be with this mega stress on my shoulders? My sister told me the other day how this was going to be a bad year. Yet, I can't help but see things differently. I expect the best! I keep imagining this year to be great. I want this year to be one like no other. I grab onto my carefree spirit and desire with everything that is within me to see through HIS eyes. To watch the GLORY of our Lord fall/shower over us. If I ponder and hold onto this incredible sorrow of looking through the world's spectacles, then yes- it will be a devastating year. All I will be capable of doing is weeping. My daddy is here now, let me enjoy each priceless moment with him.... if only a year. I MUST treasure what is worthy of being stored up for heaven. Let me gather my children under my wings and watch the beauty of God's promises flourish through these times of countless tears. I envision LAUGHTER, FUN, JOY, SMILES, MOMENTS YOU DON'T WANT TO PASS. I CAN live like today is my last and love as if it is ALL I have ever known!

My Daddy

My dad has been in the hospital for the past week. He had a seizure in the shower last Monday night and we are praying that he will have surgery tomorrow. It all depends on his platelet count. I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm lost. I LOVE my dad and hate seeing him go through this. He has glieoblastoma, which is an ugly, aggressive brain tumor that leaves its prey with only a year or 2 of life. I have read a couple of rare stories of survivors...10 years! I am hoping my father turns out to be one of these successes. I don't know if I am being selfish: desiring for him to see his grandchildren graduate from high school. All I can do is cry and pray. My dad has always influenced me, and the people he worked with and pretty much has been an example of LOVE....of God. He amazes me with how much he has put up with over the years and how he encourages people I don't even know.
We were sitting in the hospital room the other day and a old buddy from his work came by to let him know he was thinking about him. Then he went on to explain how strong my father is and how he is such an example of Christ. We learned this man became a Gideon, he helps raise money to create Bibles and distributes them throughout the world. He even hands them out at the local schools where he lives (and YES, he lives in the United States). To think that ONE individual(in this case -my dad) through a friendship can inspire someone to know Christ in such a way they impact millions. So, it is true that one person has the power to make a difference and change the world. Although, we might not see the benefits of our labor, we can rest assured that God is orchastrating our lives.

Before I left, my daddy said "Your beautiful." Yet, all I kept thinking about was HOW beautiful he is and how he allows God to use him. My dad, without knowing, helped to unveil my eyes to see the beauty and glory of our Lord.

My head hurts

I am sitting here crying, feeling a bit of a basket case. I am overwhelmed with life and the challenges I sometimes face. We all pick our paths and take a detour or two, wishing for the best. Yet, one thing remains constant, one thing keeps me hoping......God. His love is so thick and full of mercy. It amazes me how His love for me keeps on. I am so undeserving, I am selfish, I know my cracks out number my shiny parts.....yet WHY does He love us so much that he provides, guides and covers us with His LOVE? Looking up and seeing only a storm of confusion.......I crumble onto the ground wanting to see Him, not the mess I created. Like a child dumping all her toys out of a box, I dump my thoughts, my dreams, my life.......to simply be free of anything that keeps me from Him and His love.

Short Term Goals:
Go to Disney World
Eat more fresh food
Start an on-line school for Nutrition
Love is slow to anger...........be love!!!!

Long Term Goals:
Be debt free
Publish a book of my writings
Go through theology school at church
Start Advocate program (that offers proper nutrition and exercise for kids in school)

Things I think I want to do, yet still contemplating:
Clean my house
Home-school my kids
Watch football with excitement
Jump out of a plane with a parachute on

Soooo good

I was on my way to work Friday and looked up:

"I see the beauty of the sky, knowing how you cause the clear blue decorated with lines of puffed dreams streaming across the horizon, I feel my heart lifting, overwhelmed with love. Witnessing the birds flying in perfect formation as an amazing, un-captured picture, I cry with joy accepting this unspeakable emotion. Lord, thank you, your love for me leaves me in wonder of HOW such a Saviour as thee embraces a ruthless sinner like myself. You are my only truth, my ONLY source of peace. My steady hope that keeps me through every venture of this journey."

I visited a friend's church, where they are helping to start up in town, this past Sunday morning and I was encouraged. During worship there was this really cool song that just said it like it is. It literally had the words...."like a big sloppy wet kiss". It made me all giggly inside and it was like Jesus was right there. People weren't going crazy, hardly anyone was even lifting up their arms...they were just singing intimate words to their Savior. A rush of peace and strength poured over me and I it was like God was assuring me that my weaknesses as a mother and a wife could be changed. My ugly garments of impatience, poverty, pride, pessimistic spirit and selfishness were throwing me all over the place. Yet, at that moment- Jesus washed me in purity, gathered me up in His spirit of love and it was as if the room was full of GRACE and MERCY. Every single child of the King was in His presence. We were still and He was with us.

I don't mean to scare anybody. I just can't help but want to feel that way 24/7. My God is EVERYTHING to me.
There are times when I realize I'm yelling at my kids because 20 million things are going on in one moment and all 4 of them are demanding my attention....it is SO easy to lose it. To just scream, "QUIET!" (or worse). Then I don't feel anything, but ugly. So, when I shut myself in a room and weep because I am not there yet.....the perfect mom, the best wife (which I have come to believe DOES NOT EXIST).....I'm not in the place where I need to be -in God's grip. I open my eyes and refresh my mind back to worship. Letting my heart yearn for Him, recalling Him, desiring Him, because I'm imperfect and He is SOOOOOO GOOD! He knows me, inside out, outside in! He squeezes me and plants a BIG wet sloppy kiss on my forehead. He LOVES me and that makes me want to love my kids like He loves me. He loves me the way I need to love my husband! It is worth everything to KNOW such a creator as ours.

Refreshments

I totally just cut and pasted this blog! Thanks Erika! The thing is I only follow 8 blogs...my bad. If I followed more I would never know who my husband was or where he was for that matter, hehehehehehe! So, I was a radical and went against the rules.

My sweet friend, Erika, passed a Lemonade Award on to me. So, I wanted to share in the refreshment. If you check out these following blogs you will certainly find humor, transparency, encouragement and definitely refreshment! And if I nominated you, please join the fun by following these rules
Rules:
1. You must link back to the person you received the award from.
2. You have to nominate 10 bloggers who show great attitude and/or gratitude.

1. Adventures in Adopting
2. Green Kiddos...Growing natural kids
3. Is There Anybody Out There?
4. Living not striving...
5. Our Love Affair ... and Adventures in Edwards-ville
6. resolved2worship's Xanga
7. Team Ginfrida
8. http://tonyabobonya.blogspot.com/

She Loves Me

My daughter, Eve, loves me. I can attempt to explain the way she runs to me when I pick her up from being looked after or how she says “mommy, mommy, mommy” until I place her in my arms. Yet, words in no way match the priceless feelings of love that I experience. I adore the precious night cuddles that I receive after a long day of work…..she knows exactly what I need. She crawls into my lap begging me to finally slow down and relax. All she wants me to do is just sit with her and maybe sing a song or two. If only we, as children of God, would see our heavenly Father the same as our children see us as parents. How crazy would it be, if we ran to Him with excitement when we see Him coming and taking the time to be with us? How comforting is it to know that when we say his name only once that He is already there picking us up -ready to embrace. Every night He is waiting for us to climb into His lap and rest, hanging on to our every word and filling us with peace. Assuring us that we are loved and there is no greater joy.

Who am I?

I love a good cup of tea with honey. I savor the moments watching my children sleep. I wait in anticipation when the next 'Heroes' show comes out on February 2nd. I wish I got paid more. I think some people talk too much. I agree with ice cream: cold, yet SO sweet. Yoga is my favorite type of exercise. Sometimes, I think I'm funny. I aspire to be a person of influence one day. Not much of a football fan, unless my kids are in the game, then I tend to get loud. I say what I think. I laugh when people get hurt, not bloody hurt- that's sick. I tend to sweat a lot, which I see as detox.....which is a blessing that I don't have to buy those foot pads. I love that my mother still pitches a fit because I don't brush my hair(or my kids hair). True friends make me smile. Listening to my 3 boys have a discussion in their room at bedtime makes me laugh. My little girl holding my head in place and kissing my face over and over again makes me giggle. Getting pulled over scares me. I cry listening to worship music. I love my husband making me laugh when I'm mad. I used to be a neat freak until I realized life was too good to pass up. I dance when everyone's looking. I sing/shout as loud as I can in my car. I live. I love. I hope. I breathe.

Insecure?

I have a buddy that always calls just to tell me how great he's doing, how everybody loves him and wants him to work for them, how he's the best at what he does, etc. Being that I am in the same profession, I can't help but grin. If I don't......insecure comes sneakin' in (ready to take me out). It's like he's saying "you just got served", in order for me to not start trippin' I remember- the fear of man....vs. the fear of the Lord. God made me! What else is better than that? He took time out 4 me. He knew what I would be like, what I would love, what I'd do, He already knew before I took my first breath. He gave me purpose, He gave me the ability to seek Him and have peace. Not peace or trust through this world that we live in, yet in Him. A deeper strength, a deeper understanding, a calling to listen. To not be boastful about ourselves or the things that so easily entangle us in this life, but to be consumed with His fire.....His mercy. To love the insecure, the helpless, the lonely, the ugly, the mean, the proud, the ones nobody loves. It's too easy to love people that are good to us, that love us, that care for us, that don't tempt us. Jesus did it, loved the corrupt, should we?

A Mother's Precious Moment

My son Seth just had his 5th birthday on Sunday. We didn't do much, because he really doesn't ask for much. He is my youngest son, having 2 older brothers and one younger sista. He tends to be shy when you first meet him and I haven't met a person that has NOT commented on how cute he is. Yet, he doesn't know how precious he is, he has the most beautiful presence (when he's not tired, which leads to crankiness and whining). My love for my children can not be measured. When I witness what I did today, I am exceptionally thankful. Seth was given a bag of really nice hand me down clothes last night by a friend of ours (thank you, May!), when he was trying them on, I almost cried. Because he kept saying, "How did they know I wanted this, it's exactly what I wanted. Everyone is going to be so proud of me." He was so excited to have his own new clothes (not his brothers torn and worn hand me downs) and his grateful heart was shining! He was so proud as he tried on every last piece, and I- was so proud to be the mother of this precious, priceless, pure joy of a son.

How Proper Nutrition and Yoga can Benefit Children in School Systems

As most people know, schools today are different from 25 years ago. Everything has either doubled or tripled (with the exception of lunchtime and recess, which actually has been cut in half) over the past two decades including: peer pressure, stress from test standards, homework, assignments, projects, test scores, college credits, extracurricular activities, even obesity. In fact, in the 1970’s only 5 percent of American children were considered overweight, now it is said that 15 percent (nine million) are overweight. Becoming overweight can slowly diminish children’s health by shortening their adult lives, predispose them to diseases of the cardiovascular, respiratory, and hormonal systems, impair their mental health, and self-esteem. When I was in elementary school, I remember eating the school lunch and my favorite item was the chocolate milk. Today, I still enjoy a cup of chocolate milk (with the exception of it being soymilk). Children’s eating habits carry into adulthood. Generally, most parents want their children to be healthy. As elementary school aged children go through remarkable physical changes of all kinds, their food intake becomes a critical aspect of this growth and development. Recent research shows that nourishing food not only makes a child healthier, it makes him emotionally more stable, and it improves school performance.

It is sad to say that children today have a shorter life expectancy than their parents for the first time in one hundred years because of the epidemic of obesity, according to Dr. William Klish, Professor of Pediatrics and Head of Pediatric Gastroenterology at Baylor College of Medicine. In addition to this frightening realization, the cost of obesity to the economy has increased to $117 billion in direct and indirect annual medical costs, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Proper nutrition (exposing our children to a wide variety of healthy foods to broaden their taste) and quality, daily Physical Education would do so much for the health of this country. So, why are schools willing to undermine the health of their students by making junk food available to them? The answer of course is the root of all evil: MONEY. The money the school makes from food sales is coming from the kids themselves. In exchange for their money, the school is giving kids foods high in sugar, fat, excess calories, all while promoting unhealthy eating habits. Is it right to profit on the poor diets of children, even in the name of their own education? If schools depend financially on children eating junk foods, how can they have an interest in promoting the health and nutrition of their students? This is a difficult problem to solve, yet has been addressed and corrected by several schools.

Junk food and soft drink companies make huge profits off our school systems because they are addicting kids for life. Soft drinks boast about contributing towards education, but the fact is they drain from the communities. The children are getting the money from their parents and in return feeding these machines where the companies are walking away with their profits. Americans consume 100 and 300 calories per day in the form of high fructose corn syrup. It’s cheap and helps with weight gain. Caffeine is a stimulant that excites the nervous system, elevates moods, and speeds up the metabolism. In 2004, Sleep in America poll found 28% of 1st through 3rd graders and 18% of preschoolers drink one or more caffeinated beverages a day! Caffeine appears to be a rather benign drug for adults, and may carry some health benefits if consumed in moderation, yet it is still a drug, an addictive one. Exposing kids to addictive stimulants early in life is unnecessary and potentially harmful. Smaller bodies are more sensitive to its effects, and it interferes with sleep patterns. Federal lunch programs offer minimal control over other foods that are sold at school, often called “competitive foods” because they compete with federal lunches for children’s money and attention. USDA prohibits any foods to be sold in the same area and at the same times as meals if foods deemed to be “of minimal nutritional value”. This is why we find so many vending machines in the hallways of schools.Some schools have banned junk food and soda vendors to replace them with bottled water machines and more nutritious snack companies. Appleton Central Alternative School in Appleton, WI decided to do away with candy and soda machines. They also started ordering their nutrition program from ‘Natural Ovens’ in Manitowoc, Wisconsin. That offers a low fat, low sugar, non-chemically processed, free of dyes and preservatives, no beef, and no fried foods diet. And in return provides fresh fruit and fresh vegetables served with whole grains, where everything is baked and freshly prepared. Mind you, this school is a state school for troubled, at risk kids that have behavioral problems, yet you would never know this walking the halls of the school. The teachers and parents of Appleton Central testify to these students being more focused and having no behavioral issues. This is a huge change prior the revamped lunch menu. ‘Natural Ovens’ cost the same as most federal lunch programs, yet why do schools keep choosing to use “competitive foods”?

Nutrition facts and research on healthy eating: (Pertains to eating 5-9 servings of a wide variety of whole, colorful fruits and vegetables).
•Helps insure that you consume enough of the following nutrients necessary for optimum health.
•Vitamins and minerals are natural substances found in foods that our bodies need in specific amounts everyday. Eating a wide variety of fruits and vegetables of different colors is the best way to get all that you need to maintain health, feel good and be strong!
•Fiber is a natural plant substance that supports healthy digestive and elimination health.
•Phyto-chemicals are natural plant substances found in the bright colors of fruits and vegetables that promote healthy function throughout your whole body and mind!
• Anti-oxidants – plant substances that protect the body by neutralizing free radicals, or unstable oxygen molecules, which can damage cells and lead to poor health.
• Promotes optimal weight and energy levels
• Encourages healthy growth and development
• Supports healthy aging
• Reduces the risk of cancer and diabetes
• Helps digestive and elimination system health
• Supports healthy brain and memory function• Supports good eyesight and vision health
• Helps strengthen the immune system
• Helps maintain strong bones and teeth
• Promotes heart health
• Maintains urinary track health -1-

The information and knowledge that we have as a country should not be limited to certain states or schools. If we see certain program or a school succeeding, what is the harm in admitting that they are effective and the idea works! It’s time for the administration in our education systems to stop turning their heads and assuming the children are going to make the right choices. A student that just orders fries for lunch is not using it as a side dish -it is their main meal along with the soda they brought. These children are in the dark when it comes to eating a healthy balanced diet. Responsibility falls not only on the parents, yet also the place where the majority of a child’s day is spent- School. What a golden opportunity our government has to be the light and guide our future generations into a lifetime of health and wellness. Teaching children to prevent the disease process early in life. Making appropriate decisions, like a nutritious breakfast that will provide energy for several hours- until lunch. Not allowing our schools to provide addictive foods, such as doughnuts that give a quick rush of energy for only 40 minutes. Traditionally, teachers schedule “heavy” subjects, such as reading and arithmetic, during the morning hours, and so it becomes even more important that the child’s brain be fueled.There is a lack of nutrition in drinks, a 16 ounce bottle of juice, soda, or a sweetened fruit drink can pack 200 to 300 calories (same as a glazed donut, small peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or a candy bar). Children consume 10% of their daily calories as juice or soft drinks. Next to the air we breathe, water is our most primary necessity for life. Fluids fill each of our cells and bathe our tissues. They carry oxygen and nutrients throughout the body and remove wastes. Water must be constantly replaced in order to keep our bodies functioning properly. If kids lose more water than they take in, they can wind up dehydrated, a condition that can range from minor headaches and listlessness, to potentially life threatening illness. Water is in foods we eat everyday, not just from drinking. Fruits and vegetables are the most watery foods, many are 80 to 95% water. Fruits and vegetables have numerous health benefits and have been linked to lower rates of chronic disease. Most children do not eat enough. Parents, along with teachers need to be role models and teach about what they eat.Diets of most children in the United States are actually very lopsided. According to a National Health Survey, the top 10 foods contributing to the caloric intake of children aged 2 to 18 in the United States are as follows:
1. Milk 6. Soft drinks
2. Bread 7. Cheese
3. Cakes, cookies, & doughnuts 8. Potato chips, corn chips, and popcorn
4. Beef 9. Sugar, syrup, and jam
5. Ready to eat cereal 10. Poultry

Unfortunately, this equals up to be a diet out-of-balance for a lot of children in the United States. Their little bodies are deficient for certain nutrients. Starchy foods like potatoes contain carbohydrates that are so simple they behave in the body similarly to sugar. Diabetes is the most common and serious disease linked to obesity in children. Complications of diabetes may include kidney failure, nerve damage, blindness, heart disease, and stroke. Type II diabetes can be slowed or even reversed by paying close and special attention to diet and physical activity.Children not only face the risk of joining the looming diabetes epidemic, but according to a December 2004 article in Education weekly, students with health issues are not as capable of learning as are their healthy counterparts. A 2002 study by the California Department of Education presented anecdotal support for this theory. Education Weekly wrote, “Physically fit youngsters in the study posted significantly higher scores on math and reading tests, and those who met minimum fitness levels in three or more areas showed the greatest gains academic achievement.” The physical and physiological benefits alone – toned muscles, upright posture, a balanced nervous system, and free and healthy breathing patterns, among many others- are enough to set a child on a track that will serve him/her well throughout life. As the physical body comes into balance, the mind follows. Practicing yoga can help a child develop concentration, patience, gentleness, strength, creativity and stability. These are habits we’d all love to cultivate. They are the building blocks that create the foundation for a happy life. Yoga includes how you breathe, how you are listening to your body, and how your mind is focused on what you are doing now, in the present. Yoga poses, or asanas, work to strengthen the body and to calm the mind by using the breath. Yoga offers more than just physical exercise. As young people practice yoga, they can increase their self-confidence and their ability to concentrate and to focus. Yoga also fosters creativity and self-expression as children explore and develop their own variations on poses. Practicing yoga teaches kids how to relax and how to deal with stress by using breathing techniques and imagery strategies. Learning how to relax is a key to physical and mental health. The use of breathing techniques to lower stress levels and blood pressure is becoming more commonly used in part because of the important work of such doctors as Dean Ornish and Herbert Benson. A few simple breath exercises for children can teach them to use their breath, something they can always find, to calm themselves. -2-

There is a wonderful program called YogaEd that suggest the physical, mental and emotional health is directly correlated with academic success and fulfillment in life. This YogaEd models and teaches yoga education that develops what the medical profession has determined are the 2 key contributors to lifetime health and wellness: Self-awareness, Self-management and self-care. The following are a few facts that might help in seeing the desperate need for yoga in our school systems……….

Educational Wellness Facts and Challenges Teachers Face:
• One in four children do not have PE in school
• Obesity and diabetes rates are at all-time high
• ADD / ADHD diagnosis rates are increasing among youth
• Increased stress and anxiety, decreased attention and social skills
• Academic achievement in public schools is at new lows
• Urban schools need support yet lack resources
• Incidences of bullying and violence in schools are increasing
Challenges Children Face:
• Emotional and physiological stress and over-stimulation
• Environmental pollution, toxins and allergens
• Inappropriate and frightening exposure to media
• Inability to self-regulate, concentrate, learn and grow
• Chronic Stress damages health and inhibits ability to learn and grow

The Impact of Yoga on Children in a School Environment:
• Body movement and breath are ideal ways to de-stress
• Builds self-awareness and the ability to self-regulate effectively
• Increases self-confidence and self-control
• Mindfulness teaches how not to resist, but to be “in the moment”
• Re-enforces the ability to make good choices for themselves
• Reduces peer pressure
Research on Yoga’s Impact on Children with ADD/ADHD:In studies addressing ADD/ADHD, it was found that yoga:
• Decreased hyperactivity and impulsivity – Zipkin, 1985
• Increased self-control – Zipkin, 1985
• Increased attention spans – Zipkin, 1985
• Reduced anxiety, leading to higher IQ scores and improved complex learning skills – Proger, 1980
• Increased spatial memory – Naveen, Nagendra, Telles, 1997

Physical Fitness and NutritionIn studies addressing Physical Fitness and Nutrition, it was found that yoga:
• Decreased the resting heart rate – Telles, Narendran, Raghuraj, Nagarathna, 1997
• Increased motor skills performance - Raghuraj, 1997
• Increased pulmonary function and exercise capacity – Jian, Rai, Valecha, 1991
• Increased body /self image satisfaction – Clance, Mitchell, Engleman, 1980
• Increased muscular fitness – Gharote, 1976
• Improved body weight, density, cardiovascular endurance, and anaerobic power– Bera, 1993
• Significant improvement for bronchial asthmatics (including ceasing medication) – Nagendra, Nagendra, 1986
• Decreased substance abuse by strengthening mental resolve and decreasing anxiety – Telles, Naveen, 1997
• Improved posture – Savic, Pfau, Skoric, 1990
Academic PerformanceIn studies addressing academic performance, it was found that yoga:
• Improved decision-making skills – Rozman, 1994
• Increased attention span – Zipkin, 1985• Improved communication skills – Zipkin, 1985
• Increased IQ and social adaptation – Uma, Nagendra, Nagarthna, Vaidehi, 1989
• Increased academic achievement – Zipkin, 1985
Research Abstracts on Benefits of Yoga Education
• Yoga for children is a relaxation technique that has been found to reduce stress and tension, dissipate excess energy, relieve tiredness, lengthen attention span, improve physical health, sharpen concentration, enhance mental clarity, and cultivate better interpersonal relationships.
• A recent scientific studies indicate that yoga in adults improves focus, concentration and learning readiness as well as enhances health and fitness (Wheeler & Wilkin, 2007).
• In addition, yoga can produce a calming effect, which helps children get into a frame of mind conducive to learning. For example, a recent study showed that children who participated in Yoga Ed were more relaxed, less active, and better able to concentrate. Compared with a group of students who only exercised, students who participated in yoga exhibited improved educational performance. (Gates & Wolverton, 2007).
• Yoga Ed’s programs are not only designed to reduce stress in students but they are also specifically designed for the teacher’s renewal, which is crucial today when rates of teacher burnout and attrition are high, especially in low- income schools. Average teacher attrition hovers at 46% for teachers in their first five years of teaching; turnover in hard-to-staff schools occurs at a higher rate. High poverty urban schools, for instance, lose 22% of their teachers each year, compared with only 12.8% in low-poverty schools (Ingersoll, 2004).
• Frustration with work environment, pay, and isolation are the top drivers of teacher attrition (RISE, 2007). Yoga Ed may hold promise for improving work environment because it addresses student behavioral issues which, are an essential component of maintaining a stable teaching force (Walker, Ramsey, & Gresham, 2004).
Research on the Impact of Exercise on Health and Learning: Exercise such as Yoga:
• Over-rides the body’s physiological response to stress on the body. Conscious breathing initiates the relaxation response and re-integrates the nervous system for receptivity. Yoga postures and games activate and integrate all the body’s systems to bring students back into an energized, alert state.
• Organizes whole-brain function for optimal learning. Breathing and physical activity fuels the brain and body with oxygen and glucose through blood circulation.
• Raises levels of glucose, serotonin, epinephrine and dopamine, all chemical messengers known to balance behavior and inhibit hunger. The chemical messengers present under stress usually make us want the quick fix of junk food!
• Shifts body-brain into a homeostatic state – balancing brain chemicals, hormones, electricity and the functioning of all the body’s systems, which supports making healthy food choices.
• Strengthens key area of the brain – basal ganglia, cerebellum and corpus callosum by building brain cells and connections.
• Improves mental focus and concentration (Caterino and Polk, 1999) by stimulating the frontal lobe of brain - enhancing memory, creativity and academic achievement. (Michund and Wild 1991), (Brink, 1995), (Vanves and Blanchard).
• Which include cross-lateral movements organize and stimulate the whole brain –unifying the cognitive and motor regions of brain and increasing synaptic connections (Dennison and Hannaford).
• Develops eye muscle fitness and helps with reading.
• Enhances vestibular, cerebellum and reticular activating system integration which is critical to strengthening our attention and coordination both physical and cognitive.
• Helps 85% of students who are kinesthetic learners (Hannaford). Learning through body is more powerful than learning through listening and recalling facts (Jensen). If it’s not in your body, you really haven’t learned it.
• Creates a fun, harmonious and safe way for learning and developing social skills.
• Reduces stress, increasing mind and body fitness and developing the 2 key factors of lifetime health:i. Self-awareness.ii. Self-care and management tools and techniques.iii. Prove importance of mind-body integrity with muscle testing.
• Has been correlated with improved behavior, physical fitness and academic achievement. -3-

How Yoga Ed StartedGuber (portrayed as a New Age nut out to brainwash young minds) crafted a new curriculum that eliminated chanting and translated Sanskrit into kid-friendly English. Yogic panting became “bunny breathing,” and “meditation” became “time in.” She stripped every piece of anything that anyone could vaguely construe as spiritual or religious out of the program”. Now, more than 100 schools in 26 states have adopted Guber’s “Yoga Ed.” program and more than 300 physical education instructors have been trained in it. Countless other public and private schools from California to Massachusetts — including the Aspen school where Guber clashed with parents — are teaching yoga. Teachers proclaim it helps calm students with attention-deficit disorder and may reduce childhood obesity. The federal government gives grants to gym teachers who complete a teacher training course in yoga. “I see a lot fewer discipline problems,” said Ruth Reynolds, principal of Coleman Elementary School in San Rafael. Her observation of the school’s six-year-old yoga program is that it helps easily distracted children to focus. “If you have children with ADD and focusing issues, often it’s easy to go from that into a behavior problem,” Reynolds said. “Anything you can do to help children focus will improve their behavior.” In 2003, researchers at California State University, Los Angeles, studied test scores at the Accelerated School, a charter school where Guber sits on the board and where students practice yoga almost every day. Researchers found a correlation between yoga and better behavior and grades, and they said young yogis were more fit than the district average from the California Physical Fitness Test. Guber, married to former Sony Pictures Entertainment CEO Peter Guber, embraced yoga after moving to California in the 1970s. Their 13-acre Bel-Air estate includes a clifftop garden leading to a Yoga House retreat. In 2004, Americans spent almost $3 billion on yoga classes and retreats, books, DVDs, mats, clothing and related items. About 3 million American adults practiced yoga at least twice a week in 2006, more than doubling from 1.3 million in 2001, according to Mediamark Research.Despite mainstream acceptance, yoga in public schools remains touchy. Critics say even stripped-down “yoga lite” goads young people into exploring other religions and mysticism. Dave Hunt, who has traveled to India to study yoga’s roots and interview gurus, called the practice “a vital part of the largest missionary program in the world” for Hinduism. The Bend, Ore., author of “Yoga and the Body of Christ: What Position Should Christians Hold?” said that, like other religions, the practice has no place in public schools. “It’s pretty simple: Yoga is a religious practice in Hinduism. It’s the way to reach enlightenment. To bring it to the west and bill it as a scientific practice for fitness is dishonest,” said Hunt, 80. “I’ve talked to too many people who got hooked on the spiritual deception of yoga. They come to believe in this and become enamored with Hinduism or eastern mysticism,” he said. Concerns about yoga’s spiritual implications have also fueled a cottage industry of books and videos that offer the purported benefits of yoga — flexibility, strength and weight loss —without mentioning the y-word. Laurette Willis, 49, wrote an exercise regimen called “PowerMoves Kids Program for Public Schools.” The stretching routine includes pauses for children to contemplate character-building quotes from Martin Luther King Jr., Emily Dickinson, Harriet Tubman and William Shakespeare. Willis, who lives near Tahlequah, Okla., also created an exercise regimen called “PraiseMoves: The Christian Alternative to Yoga. “I’m not here to say that yoga is necessarily bad, but it is counter to what I think the public education system is for: It should have programs without any form of religious overtones whatsoever,” Willis said. The dispute confuses some yogis, particularly Westerners who say they yoga as it’s practiced in the United States is primarily about fitness and stress relief. Baron Baptiste, who owns three studios in the Boston area and practices with his 7-year-old son, loves Guber’s program. He said his son takes yoga far less seriously than he does. “We adults need to be reminded to lighten up, breathe in the joy and have some fun,” he said. -4-
Here is another article about a woman by the name of Dee Marie (M.A.,S.Y.T) in Boulder, Colorado who did a study with children participating in yoga. She realized according to the American Medical Association, studies have been reporting that there has been an increase in violence and bullying in American schools. She wanted to know what was creating these behavior patterns in children at school? As yoga therapist for 18 years, she worked with clients of all ages from infants through senior citizens, she felt an obligation to help this struggling population. She designed and implemented a yoga program specifically to address this issue of violence and bullying in the school systems. She worked for two successive years, October 2004 and 2005, in Boulder, Co., during national SAVE week–which is an acronym for Stop America’s Violence Everywhere as designated by the American Medical Association. 125 elementary students ages 9 – 11 ranging from middle to upper middle class were instructed for six 45 minutes of classical yoga, i.e., four and a half hours of yoga training for two week sessions. The children were given pre and post surveys both years with questions designed by Dr. Grace Wyshak, a professor of biostatistics at the Harvard School of Public Health, who also analyzed the data obtained from the surveys. The 45 minute yoga program was added into the daily academic curriculum for a two week period. Each day was crucial since the students only had six classes. Day one, Monday, the children were introduced to the concept of ahimsa: non-violence to self and toward others. After a discussion regarding this ethical standard, a 20 minute asana practice followed introducing gentle joint freeing movements and surya namaskar, as taught by Mukunda Stiles in his Structural Yoga Therapy book. The class ended with a brief transition of rest before returning to their classrooms. Day two, Wednesday, they were visually stimulated with props, imagery and games to represent the three types of breathing (chest, abdominal and inter-costal) and their effects on one’s mood and energy. After that a ten minute asana session was followed by a long relaxation in makarasana (crocodile pose a position lying in prone) which consisted of one-toone breathing practice (sama vritti ujaye breath) using numbers and phrases. Day three, Friday, the entire session focused on conflict resolution role-playing in scenarios with the subject matter volunteered by the children. Homework for the weekend was given directing the students to teach a family member anything they had learned during the three yoga classes. Day four, Monday, a third of the class time was an open discussion about their homework: what the students chose to teach and to whom. The remaining time was an asana session introducing classical asanas such as virabhadrasana 2 (warrior 2), utthita trikonasana (extended triangle pose), vrikshanana (tree pose), etc… ending with systematic relaxation in savasana, and a review of the concentration and breathing practices. Day five, Wednesday, a 30 minute session combining vinyasa and classical asanas was taught followed by enhanced concentration and breathing practices with the children on the floor in the relaxation pose of their choice. Day six, Friday, a review of all material covered, followed by more role-playing. The post program questionnaire was then given.
RESULTS FROM THE STUDENTS REPORTS:
Fall of 2004…………………………………………………………….Fall of 2005
75% decrease…………..hitting at school………………..93% decrease
76% decrease…………..hitting after school……………….68% decrease
55% decrease…………..being hit by someone…………..54% decrease
56% decrease…………..being hit by a friend…………….56% decrease
41% decrease…………..feeling bullied at school………..41% decrease
68% decrease…………..feeling angry for no reason.…..56% decrease
81% decrease……….feeling that their friends were angry at them…….59% decrease
51% increase……………ability to control anger………….50% increase
Unexpected benefits the children reported were less headaches, less fidgeting, and an overall improved ability to sleep. The smiles, hugs, enthusiastic participation combined with sincere thanks from the students, teachers and parents also proves the positive effect yoga had on these elementary students.
CONCLUSION:
If children are exposed to yoga by a knowledgeable and experienced teacher a dramatic decrease in violence and aggression occurs. Only a 4 ½ hour exposure to yoga over a period of two weeks has been shown to result in up to a 93% decrease in aggressive behavior in 4th and 5th grade children. The results obtained in this study confirm that classical yoga which addresses the body, mind and spirit is an elegant tool for implementing behavioral changes when administered correctly to upper elementary age children. -5-

Illinois is the only state in America that requires P.E. for grades K-12. Naperville school in IL has 97% of their children in the healthy zone, which is unheard of in our society. There is a PE4Life program that was created by a group in Naperville Central High School, IL about 15 years ago. Within one semester of implementing a Learning Readiness PE (LRPE) class as part of the PE4life program at the Naperville PE4life Academy, students at Naperville Central High School improved their reading and math scores dramatically. The students enrolled in the LRPE prior to math improved their algebra readiness scores 20%, compared to a 2% improvement of those who didn’t take LRPE. Students taking the LRPE prior to literacy class improved their reading levels by and average of more than a full grade level (1.4), as opposed to the .9 grade level improvement of those not enrolled in LRPE. The results also displayed the importance of LRPE taken immediately prior to reading and math. It was found that students enrolled in the LRPE class right before Reading increased their literacy scores twice the percentage of those students who were enrolled in LRPE several hours before Reading class. Within one year of implementing daily PE through PE4life, Woodland Elementary in Kansas City, Missouri experienced a 67% decrease in disciplinary incidents resulting in out of school suspension. How phenomenal to see changes like that in schools due to an increase of physical activity, an increase of oxygen to the brain for those children resulted in better scores. It makes sense that doctors describe oxygen being like a fertilizer for the brain. -6-

Stories like: Guber and Marie are exciting and motivating, encouraging our schools in ways that we can lessen the pressure for our children and give hope to that 15% in need of help. To have knowledge is power and to take that power and use it as a benefit for the lives of others is compassion. The information of proper nutrition and wisdom of body mechanics in yoga, along with breathing techniques for stress relief can be an incredible success in our schools. Lives can be changed for the best our world has to offer, and that best starts with our future, our children. Let us teach them exceptionally well, so that we can have a better tomorrow and not just a better today.
References
Eat, Play, and Be Healthy by W. Allan Walker, M.Dwww.NaturalOvens.comhttp://www.iytogatherapy.com/news/children.htmhttp://www.russellbarkley.org/http://wholelifetimes.com/2005/wlt2710/yogakids2710.htmlSupersize Me Documentaryhttp://www.usc.edu/schools/ihp/ot/wha-is-ot/1. Nutrition Information from The American Council on Science and Health2 Create a Yoga Practice for Kids: Fun, Flexibility, and Focus by Yael and Matthew R. Calhoun3 www.yogaed.com4 Yoga causes controversy in public schools, Some parents say it violates the separation of church and state. 2007 The Associated Press (MSNBC.com)5 Yoga Keeps Me Calm, Fit and Focused; Non-violence in elementary school through yoga by Dee Marie, M.A., S.Y.T, Boulder, Co.-Nansel, T. R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R. S., Ruan, W. J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001).Bullying behaviors among U.S. youth: Prevalence and association with psychosocial adjustment.Journal of the American Medical Association6 www.PE4Life.org