About once or twice a year, I get bored and download dating apps. Guess it's like a secret candy crush type of addiction. Being confined to my bed this week, I downloaded a few(okay, maybe 7). This is a story, so before you interrupt with a comment saying that dating apps are stupid or "why would you need a dating app" questions, let me say my peace. In today's world we live in a time where people prefer technology over relationships. And honestly, I prefer practicing yoga, working out, making money, and spending time with my children over getting drunk, pointless dates, and cat calls from thugs that can't hold a convo much less speak or text the English language (even though they apparently were born & raised in America). Never a dull moment when you have the power of the vagina, right ladies? Anywho, I'm swiping left, right, mostly left, and it dawns on me how many dudes have NO confidence whatsoever. I mean really, let's think about this. You don't have the guts to talk to your woman crush at work, or the gym, or church or at the bar, so you go online to a dating site post inappropriate pictures and site everything you want in a woman. Yet, you can't scrimmage up the courage to actually speak to someone in the real moments of life? Don't get me wrong, I know rejection hurts. Believe me, I got stood up more than three times this past fall as well as told I'm not first choice or better seen as the back up plan. Sucks like a muther, but I've learned to not take it personal. We can't let others warped realities shape ours. I'm not bashing dating sites, I have friends & family whose lives got better from it by meeting the love of their life on one. I'm just saying that our personality online, including Facebook users, should reflect our personality off-line. What happened to: what you see is what you get? Why do we need filters, why can't we just say the truth(with manners of course). Whatever happened to the risk takers, the ones that take life by the balls? Approach someone in real life and start a conversation. Settling is for wimps, for people that haven't a clue. I don't want to go on a date with someone that can't figure out how to live without their phone. Moments are here & now, fleeting, so revel in them. My philosophy on dating is back to what is was when I was in high school....pointless stupid waste of time. Why bother when you can be living life?!? The best fit for you will see you as their match in the daily environment you create. You will blow their socks off without the picture filters, the things you've accomplished, or the fancy profile you've made. That smile, your personality, that laugh, the way you handle life, how you dance, what you say, and everything great about you is what your truest soulmate falls madly in love with. And nothing compares to that, the real raw you.
I'm done here....too much sick time up in here, up in here, goodnight.
Thursday, February 9, 2017
My thoughts on today:
-Graham crackers taste like childhood.
-My head feels like a deep rooted pimple someone is trying to pop, the pressure is too much!
-I actually miss working.
-No time like the present to do taxes!
-People are like dogs, they bark at noises acting like they are super badass until they realize they are just scared shitless.
-I miss India.
-I'll never understand child support, take someone's kids away from them & then make them pay for it? 🤔
-I miss the gym!
-Television is for those that don't want to think or let others think for them...be productive & live life!
-If you get upset reading my post or by someone else's opinion, you take things too personal. That's pretty selfish, because it isn't all about you. Read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, it will change your life.
-Pain sucks, yet is temporary.
-If you're sick & don't stay home to heal, but choose to share your germs at work or wherever you go, you're an asshole.
-I have no filter anymore, and yes, I write children's books.
-I want to play outside right now with chalk art, roll around in the sand, and skateboard. I'm forever young.
-Singing out loud makes the heart brave.
-Smelly feet can be a sign there's too much yeast in the body.
-ADHD is a gift, not a handicap. Only those intelligent enough can handle it. If you can keep up, your brain works faster than the average bear, right boo boo!
-My head feels like a deep rooted pimple someone is trying to pop, the pressure is too much!
-I actually miss working.
-No time like the present to do taxes!
-People are like dogs, they bark at noises acting like they are super badass until they realize they are just scared shitless.
-I miss India.
-I'll never understand child support, take someone's kids away from them & then make them pay for it? 🤔
-I miss the gym!
-Television is for those that don't want to think or let others think for them...be productive & live life!
-If you get upset reading my post or by someone else's opinion, you take things too personal. That's pretty selfish, because it isn't all about you. Read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, it will change your life.
-Pain sucks, yet is temporary.
-If you're sick & don't stay home to heal, but choose to share your germs at work or wherever you go, you're an asshole.
-I have no filter anymore, and yes, I write children's books.
-I want to play outside right now with chalk art, roll around in the sand, and skateboard. I'm forever young.
-Singing out loud makes the heart brave.
-Smelly feet can be a sign there's too much yeast in the body.
-ADHD is a gift, not a handicap. Only those intelligent enough can handle it. If you can keep up, your brain works faster than the average bear, right boo boo!
The gift of love....
When you hear a grandfather tell his future grandson (looking at his wife & granddaughter) "it only gets better each year." Love! It's real. The sweetest love exist! It's within us. It's how we embrace others & ourselves. It's how we react & CHOOSE to love! Love is a beautiful ACTION we get the opportunity to live!!!!! I love you love, and can't wait til the day someone cherishes me as much! The closest I've known is that between a mother & child, as well as daughter and dad. Then again, LIFE is an amazing time to experience LOVE so divine. God, thank you! I see it now, and no....it's not my meds!
Monday, February 6, 2017
Link to 2/19/17 workshop...
Eeeek! Guess what?!? I will have my books to purchase at the workshop & possibly my new children's book!!!! Limited spacing, so reserve your spot today.
Authors, Alyssa K. Vine-Hodge and Kara C Adams, along with Yogi Carly Andros, will share their stories about loss, addiction, shame, abuse, & mental illness during this Yoga event.
Join this inspiring workshop, packed full of truth and love, to discover how joy & healing are possible when storms in life happen.
Heart openers, arm balances, & pranayama will be included in the yoga sessions.
This workshop benefits everyone from beginners to advanced yogis.
Learn how yoga & healing go hand in hand. $50 when you pre-register, $70 at door.
Sunday, 2/19/17 from 12pm-5pm
Event will be located at Shanti Yoga Studio
7901 N. Ocean Blvd #5 Myrtle Beach, SC 29572
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/surrender-yoga-workshop-tickets-31838453672?utm-medium=discovery&utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&aff=escb&utm-source=cp&utm-term=listing
Authors, Alyssa K. Vine-Hodge and Kara C Adams, along with Yogi Carly Andros, will share their stories about loss, addiction, shame, abuse, & mental illness during this Yoga event.
Join this inspiring workshop, packed full of truth and love, to discover how joy & healing are possible when storms in life happen.
Heart openers, arm balances, & pranayama will be included in the yoga sessions.
This workshop benefits everyone from beginners to advanced yogis.
Learn how yoga & healing go hand in hand. $50 when you pre-register, $70 at door.
Sunday, 2/19/17 from 12pm-5pm
Event will be located at Shanti Yoga Studio
7901 N. Ocean Blvd #5 Myrtle Beach, SC 29572
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/surrender-yoga-workshop-tickets-31838453672?utm-medium=discovery&utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&aff=escb&utm-source=cp&utm-term=listing
Sunday, February 5, 2017
Yay!
In other news.... two really cool things happened this weekend. One, I got a bed! I haven't had a bed of my own in four years, I was sharing a bunk bed with my daughter. I am super excited and looking forward to getting a good nights sleep. The second thing that happened was at yoga. We were stacking the legs in fire stack and my knee was only an inch or two away from my foot! I was in awe, because for the past 17 years there always was a half a foot to a approximately a foot away from each other in this position! Progress happens, sometimes it just takes time. #blessed
Walking in forgiveness, letting go....
Spiritual warfare is real. When faced with this, it can be scary if you're not prepared. It will grab you by the throat and try to take your life. So, when we step into the awareness, we must not be alone.
The shaking, the wailing, the dark thoughts, chest tightening, watching your hands tremble, screaming, reaching for something, anything to stop this pain that puts you in the fetal position. The course salt isn't washing it away, so you gulp it down.....throat instantly closes! The nostrils can't draw air in to breathe. You strain to only realize death awaits. It feels as if someone has you in a choke hold around your neck. Water, water, WATER puddles in your mouth. Your thrusted onto your hands and knees throwing up, coughing to the point where you taste blood. Everything stops, silence fills the room, you're free, the tears are gone. All you can do is curl up into a ball as the shower drenches your naked body. This trauma, this hell, it must be faced in order to get to the other side.
The shaking, the wailing, the dark thoughts, chest tightening, watching your hands tremble, screaming, reaching for something, anything to stop this pain that puts you in the fetal position. The course salt isn't washing it away, so you gulp it down.....throat instantly closes! The nostrils can't draw air in to breathe. You strain to only realize death awaits. It feels as if someone has you in a choke hold around your neck. Water, water, WATER puddles in your mouth. Your thrusted onto your hands and knees throwing up, coughing to the point where you taste blood. Everything stops, silence fills the room, you're free, the tears are gone. All you can do is curl up into a ball as the shower drenches your naked body. This trauma, this hell, it must be faced in order to get to the other side.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
You Got Mail....
I was cleaning out my email accounts this evening, shuffling through the 1000's of wasted space until I came across some drafts I wrote and logged because I didn't know where to store the memories at the time. As I read them, all I could do was say, "wow!" No wonder I have childhood amnesia and don't recollect much over the past 20 years. When I journal the things that have happened to me or were said, its like my brain goes into forget mode. I started crying reading the horrible things that were spoken and am in awe of God's grace. I am so grateful I am where I am today. I have loved others despite the pain, I thought I was being like Christ yet, I was just allowing others to bring me to a place of shame. Unspeakable hate projected, now I see why I was so sad and to this day scared to really try to remember much of the past.
After I finish this children's series I'm currently working on, I will be summing up my auto-biography. It will be the most challenging work I will ever accomplish because it will most likely feel like I'm reliving it all over again. I will have a pen name, in honor to protect the ones I love. I'm literally sobbing right now because some words should never be said, cruel and hurtful things all because people are miserable from their own prison. I am an exception, my light, my heart, my joy still glows. If it wasn't for God's unfailing love, I wouldn't be alive today. I'm honored to be here and forever learning grace and hope.
Here is the start of something I came across, sneak peek of a piece of my past......
"It has all happened so fast! My head won't stop spinning, yet among the amazing turn of events, I'm lonely. My heart is beating, yet blood seems to stream from my soul. God, I'm scared, I need you and my mind keeps telling me you're not with me. You are yet, why do I question."
After I finish this children's series I'm currently working on, I will be summing up my auto-biography. It will be the most challenging work I will ever accomplish because it will most likely feel like I'm reliving it all over again. I will have a pen name, in honor to protect the ones I love. I'm literally sobbing right now because some words should never be said, cruel and hurtful things all because people are miserable from their own prison. I am an exception, my light, my heart, my joy still glows. If it wasn't for God's unfailing love, I wouldn't be alive today. I'm honored to be here and forever learning grace and hope.
Here is the start of something I came across, sneak peek of a piece of my past......
"It has all happened so fast! My head won't stop spinning, yet among the amazing turn of events, I'm lonely. My heart is beating, yet blood seems to stream from my soul. God, I'm scared, I need you and my mind keeps telling me you're not with me. You are yet, why do I question."
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
The visit....
You comforted me during my mourning. You helped me smile again when I didn't think I could. My heart's guard was put aside & I started to trust again. Now, you've decided to say goodbye without even speaking a word. I miss you, guess it was too good to be true. Thank you for letting me see a glimpse of what could be.
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