Nothing else should matter.....

I am here, sitting, pondering. Trying to fight my emotions. Why can't I just think more logically? I do not necessarily act on my emotions, I just get caught up in them. I know how it feels to be knocked down and NOT want to get up again. Throughout my life there have been people to push me down: emotionally, spiritually and physically. Being that I'm an Aquarius, I refuse to stay down. I get up EVERY time, sometimes it might take me longer, still, I get up. One significant factor is that I have assistance. It's more than help, it's my hero and he has an impregnable grip on me. For that matter, he has an intense grasp on you, too. For HE is OUR creator, our Saviour, our King, our EVERYTHING!

Why do I choose to love God so passionately? He loves me through my weaknesses, my pain, my scars and faults, there is no blemish of mine that is hidden from him. Who else is glad to put up with me? He has never turned away, he shares his artwork with me through the beauty of the Earth. He encourages me with words of affirmation, he pursues me. He desires my time, he craves a relationship with me! How amazing that the author of life aspires to heal my inmost being, that I may be full of joy. This is why I often say, "Yes, Lord use me. Mold me that I might be more like you and less of this shady persona." Nothing else should matter! Eternity is knowing him -the lover of our souls. I am lost without him, lonely and desperate. Only he can massage my heart to keep me alive.

Butterflies

Monday, I went for a run. I didn't realize it at the time, but I ran 4 miles. It was beautiful. The grass was green, the sky was clear, and I could breath. Nothing was distracting me, I saw butterflies and not just any butterflies....they were yellow butterflies! God knows my favorite color and it just happens to be yellow. I needed to see them, not one or two, or even three, but I witnessed five unique, marvelous butterflies towards the end of my run! The day I married, my father danced with me to the song called: "Butterfly Kisses," ask anyone who was there about the butterflies that began to fly around us, it was priceless and henceforth lies another reason I adore butterflies. It has been SOOOO rough lately, maybe one day I will be able to write about it. Yet, for right now I am just processing everything in my mind. Anyway, as I ran and grew tired....the butterflies started to appear. As if the Lord was encouraging me to keep running, to not quit. Reminding me that He loves me and how He will get me to the end of this course, that He is enough and ALL that I need. The butterflies were so light and full of color, joy was exuding their presence. Can I let go and let God so that I might be light, full of His color and radiant because of our communion?

Less of me please

Grasp it with ALL your might, hold to it fast...
be content yet, understand there is more, there always will be MORE of Him!

I am woman

I cook, I eat, I clean, I BE.
I care for those that can not care for themselves.
I work, I survive.
I love when love seems to not be.........
I laugh, I cry,
I hope for my children and their children
that they will see this life through God's eyes.
I believe
Love Lives

Ah, love

Love is unlike any other
Love does not concern self
Love continues to give
It sets your spirit free,
so that you might soar with its wind underneath your wings

Lately........

Going through hell lately, I'll let you know how it is when I get back. So, until then, I will be posting scrapes from my journals over the past 10 years. Don't be scared...........life has been quite the box of chocolates for me that you might find somewhat entertaining!

It hurts

I mentioned in my last blog that I am human and make mistakes on a daily basis. It's challenging when others unintentionally hurt you or you feel the repercussions of their mistakes. At times I ache, I cry, I hurt, I don't want to feel this way. I can't exercise enough or distract myself by having fun with friends because it remains. This pain will not leave. Pain from losing someone to cancer, sadness from separation, and disappointment from people that judge or let you down. I will crawl out of this sorrow, for this too shall pass, this is only for a season. Every season is different, like the cycle of the weather throughout the years, our lives travel through cycles. Birth, growth, death. It continues and so do we. I lean not onto my own heart, for it is wayward. So, like a lost child scared I call out for my security, the only strength I know that is capable of the impossible. Yes, I am not alone. I have hope when my well is dry. I have water that nourishes my soul. I do believe, I will cling on, for the Lord my God keeps me......He keeps me, never to let go.