My Daddy

My dad has been in the hospital for the past week. He had a seizure in the shower last Monday night and we are praying that he will have surgery tomorrow. It all depends on his platelet count. I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm lost. I LOVE my dad and hate seeing him go through this. He has glieoblastoma, which is an ugly, aggressive brain tumor that leaves its prey with only a year or 2 of life. I have read a couple of rare stories of survivors...10 years! I am hoping my father turns out to be one of these successes. I don't know if I am being selfish: desiring for him to see his grandchildren graduate from high school. All I can do is cry and pray. My dad has always influenced me, and the people he worked with and pretty much has been an example of LOVE....of God. He amazes me with how much he has put up with over the years and how he encourages people I don't even know.
We were sitting in the hospital room the other day and a old buddy from his work came by to let him know he was thinking about him. Then he went on to explain how strong my father is and how he is such an example of Christ. We learned this man became a Gideon, he helps raise money to create Bibles and distributes them throughout the world. He even hands them out at the local schools where he lives (and YES, he lives in the United States). To think that ONE individual(in this case -my dad) through a friendship can inspire someone to know Christ in such a way they impact millions. So, it is true that one person has the power to make a difference and change the world. Although, we might not see the benefits of our labor, we can rest assured that God is orchastrating our lives.

Before I left, my daddy said "Your beautiful." Yet, all I kept thinking about was HOW beautiful he is and how he allows God to use him. My dad, without knowing, helped to unveil my eyes to see the beauty and glory of our Lord.

My head hurts

I am sitting here crying, feeling a bit of a basket case. I am overwhelmed with life and the challenges I sometimes face. We all pick our paths and take a detour or two, wishing for the best. Yet, one thing remains constant, one thing keeps me hoping......God. His love is so thick and full of mercy. It amazes me how His love for me keeps on. I am so undeserving, I am selfish, I know my cracks out number my shiny parts.....yet WHY does He love us so much that he provides, guides and covers us with His LOVE? Looking up and seeing only a storm of confusion.......I crumble onto the ground wanting to see Him, not the mess I created. Like a child dumping all her toys out of a box, I dump my thoughts, my dreams, my life.......to simply be free of anything that keeps me from Him and His love.

Short Term Goals:
Go to Disney World
Eat more fresh food
Start an on-line school for Nutrition
Love is slow to anger...........be love!!!!

Long Term Goals:
Be debt free
Publish a book of my writings
Go through theology school at church
Start Advocate program (that offers proper nutrition and exercise for kids in school)

Things I think I want to do, yet still contemplating:
Clean my house
Home-school my kids
Watch football with excitement
Jump out of a plane with a parachute on

Soooo good

I was on my way to work Friday and looked up:

"I see the beauty of the sky, knowing how you cause the clear blue decorated with lines of puffed dreams streaming across the horizon, I feel my heart lifting, overwhelmed with love. Witnessing the birds flying in perfect formation as an amazing, un-captured picture, I cry with joy accepting this unspeakable emotion. Lord, thank you, your love for me leaves me in wonder of HOW such a Saviour as thee embraces a ruthless sinner like myself. You are my only truth, my ONLY source of peace. My steady hope that keeps me through every venture of this journey."

I visited a friend's church, where they are helping to start up in town, this past Sunday morning and I was encouraged. During worship there was this really cool song that just said it like it is. It literally had the words...."like a big sloppy wet kiss". It made me all giggly inside and it was like Jesus was right there. People weren't going crazy, hardly anyone was even lifting up their arms...they were just singing intimate words to their Savior. A rush of peace and strength poured over me and I it was like God was assuring me that my weaknesses as a mother and a wife could be changed. My ugly garments of impatience, poverty, pride, pessimistic spirit and selfishness were throwing me all over the place. Yet, at that moment- Jesus washed me in purity, gathered me up in His spirit of love and it was as if the room was full of GRACE and MERCY. Every single child of the King was in His presence. We were still and He was with us.

I don't mean to scare anybody. I just can't help but want to feel that way 24/7. My God is EVERYTHING to me.
There are times when I realize I'm yelling at my kids because 20 million things are going on in one moment and all 4 of them are demanding my attention....it is SO easy to lose it. To just scream, "QUIET!" (or worse). Then I don't feel anything, but ugly. So, when I shut myself in a room and weep because I am not there yet.....the perfect mom, the best wife (which I have come to believe DOES NOT EXIST).....I'm not in the place where I need to be -in God's grip. I open my eyes and refresh my mind back to worship. Letting my heart yearn for Him, recalling Him, desiring Him, because I'm imperfect and He is SOOOOOO GOOD! He knows me, inside out, outside in! He squeezes me and plants a BIG wet sloppy kiss on my forehead. He LOVES me and that makes me want to love my kids like He loves me. He loves me the way I need to love my husband! It is worth everything to KNOW such a creator as ours.

Refreshments

I totally just cut and pasted this blog! Thanks Erika! The thing is I only follow 8 blogs...my bad. If I followed more I would never know who my husband was or where he was for that matter, hehehehehehe! So, I was a radical and went against the rules.

My sweet friend, Erika, passed a Lemonade Award on to me. So, I wanted to share in the refreshment. If you check out these following blogs you will certainly find humor, transparency, encouragement and definitely refreshment! And if I nominated you, please join the fun by following these rules
Rules:
1. You must link back to the person you received the award from.
2. You have to nominate 10 bloggers who show great attitude and/or gratitude.

1. Adventures in Adopting
2. Green Kiddos...Growing natural kids
3. Is There Anybody Out There?
4. Living not striving...
5. Our Love Affair ... and Adventures in Edwards-ville
6. resolved2worship's Xanga
7. Team Ginfrida
8. http://tonyabobonya.blogspot.com/