i meant to post this back in January....found it wondering on my computer!

My little Seth-a-ronie turns 8 right now! He's asleep & a little angel. God knew i needed his sweet hugs, his adorable face to remind me to never give up in the face of adversity because God is faithful & always delivers. Seth is the 3rd in the line of fire: tough, into cars & anything fast, curious, yet he is compassionate & kind, full of an energy that screams "just try to stop me and see what happens!" I love that about him, if he believes in it: he aims & SCORES, playing head on as the team mascot. My dad is peeking out of heaven and smiling on Seth......he's got the Adams chin & determination.

you never know

Mother's Day 2012, I planned on going to early church service with the kids then head to the zoo. I woke up to my phone ringing at 8:30, it was my one of my best friends, she was crying. She messed up, I won't say how but as humans we tend to do that. I prayed with her, told her to not feel worthless(how she is fearfully and wonderfully made), reminded her of how loved she is, I read scripture over her- washing her in the word(the Bible). Time came for church, Perry was preaching on a series called 'Adam & Eve'. He talked about 'What every woman wants when it comes to a relationship'....Someone she can trust and will love her, believe in her, and stand by her- NO MATTER WHAT! He was dead on. The only thing that frustrated me was how he categorized men and women, saying guys do this and gals do that. I was like WHY the heck do I relate more to the dude comments than the chics? Sometimes I believe I might think more like a man. I use my towels over and over again(sorry-my blog is not for the faint of heart), I don't like to shop, I could think about sex all the time, and I agree that talking isn't always a good option. For the record: I don't want to be a male, I am attracted to them. I'm just stating that not all men and women think the same. So Pastor P is laying it down and I am like "Yea, I get that." I like when he said: "It's hard being a man, that's why so few do it." If you want to listen to the sermon and get more of an idea what I am rambling on about, it releases tomorrow at www.newspring.cc. The band went up after a short clip of a couple that went through a rough marriage and breast cancer. They played the song 'I'm gonna love you through it' by Martina McBride. I couldn't handle it, I got up and left. My dad loved my mom no matter what and they had chemistry. My mom was crazy in love with him, even through his dying years(caring for him at his bedside). I hated how alone I felt and how I might have to be single the rest of my days. I desire to go to Africa, live in a hut if I have to. That's a lot! No human companion wants what I want, or will be able to love me through everything, what if I were to ever get sick? Would anyone be by my side? Its hard to watch someone die, it's a ton of work and only so many people can handle it with unconditional grace. I know this personally, my father fought through his death for over 3 years. I started to tear up, ran straight to the bathroom and bawled. Okay, you got me, I had a girlie moment. Side note; Don't worry, I know to trust and be patient. I don't need your encouraging comments of 'Kara, your great, it's going to be okay. You won't be single forever'(1st: you don't know that, 2nd: let God be God & do His thang). I am just being real and honest, I know some people don't get that. I'm fine, and I'm not depressed-I'm just going through my thought process, so please don't feel like you have to fix or comfort me. Side note ended. We got home and the boys started fighting right away, throwing punches & all. I break up the fight between Luke and Andrew, trek towards the bathroom with my extra small bladder. The doorbell rings, then the sound of shattering glass hits the ground. Seth locked Andrew out of the house, Andrew got crazy mad.....banged on the door twice, rang the doorbell once, then smashed the front window with his fist. I opened the front door to a crying 10 year old saying “I'm so sorry, I didn't know the glass was going to break.” My phone was going crazy with text from random people wishing me a Happy Mother's Day, then it rang. A friend of mine, let's just call him CW, called to tell me he just prayed to be in a relationship with Jesus! He was at my church that morning! We hung out a few months ago and I drug his butt to church one time. Someone else asked him to church this Saturday, so he came! How fabulous was that? I celebrated with his report, then told him I had a broken window and why. He came over right away and helped me temporally fix it. What kind of love is that?!?! God delivered help in my moment of need because it was about to pour down rain! The kids and I finally ate some lunch and packed into the car to hit up the zoo with my buddy Mr. T, cuz nothing was going to spoil my 2012 Momma's day! On the way home every time I would try to talk to Mr. T he couldn't hear a word I was saying due to the four loud kids in the back seat that were like a surround sound system. I am thankful for his patience. Most people would go buzzurk, including myself! The point is: we never know what God has in store for us. I know as I continue to fall more in love with God, he provides. I cherish falling more in love with my four unique/priceless children. I have so many lessons to learn as a mother, as a daughter of the King, and as a human embracing compassion. I have a heart that is broken and awaits daily to be mended by the Healer of Truth. He restores me, longs for me to sit in His presence so He can clothe me in His love. I will not hide what he does for me, I cannot be silent of His daily provisions and how he sends his creation to nurture me. I will never be perfect on this earth, that's why I love Him so much, he shows me how to love the flawed, the ruthless, the hurting. I know, because I can relate. We are strategically put here -wherever we are- for a purpose and to be uplifting in all situations no matter how great/grim they may be! I met CW for a reason, asked him to come to church, be my friend, and now we celebrate together: the DAD of all eternity unites us as brother and sister rejoicing in the love He so graciously lavishes upon us! You never know who you might meet, or what type of influence you will have on someone. There is not one person I know or will come across that is by mishap. Even Facebook friends. I posted about my Kenya trip in November with my church a few weeks ago and someone I barely know messaged me to donate financially. This was God. I have been thinking about Africa since I was 15 years old. I felt a huge burden for it then and sitting in church this past December God spoke (through chills and much prayer) to me telling me to go. I am currently in school to get my Bachelor in Science, then one day to do a Physicians Assistant program. This is in reference to my vision to eventually live in Africa (after my kids are done with high school) and invest in health care clinics throughout the continent. People sometimes ask me "Don't you do enough? I thought you were living your dream with the studio?" Honestly, the studio fell in my lap. I adore yoga, yet my hope and biggest dream is to be back on the mission field in a third world country. Being able to assist & meet people in their physical needs that can lead to opening doors through relationships(souls being loved as Jesus did when he walked the earth). This November I am only going for a week and a half through my church which teams up with 410 Bridge (http://www.410bridge.org/). The trip cost $3500, I have been able to put $650 towards it. By July 16th I need to have $1250 more towards the trip. The final amount of $1600 is due September 30th. Please join me prayer that these financial goals will be met. I am so ecstatic to have the opportunity to get dirty by digging ditches, embrace sweet (possibly sick) children, and DO whatever else is in store for me on this trip! Some scripture readings from Romans chapter 6: verse 11- 'In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12- Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13-Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14- For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.' I encourage you to read on! Even through chapters 7 & 8, it's soooo good! Romans 6:23 states "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." I know that when I'm struggling with sin, I read through Romans and it is so beneficial to me, my spirit, and my mind! We can get to a place like it says in 1 Peter 1:8 "Though you have not seen him you love him; & even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy!"

I don't think I would be so lonely if my dad were still alive. I could always visit him at home or work.....never was I a bother or a nuisance. We would laugh about something, and he would share the most recent song or movie that's out(he kept me up to date with what's new and just in). I miss him in such a huge way it hurts every now and then! Dad's are priceless, friends are hard to come by. I want my kids to know this and respect this: life is golden, enjoy every moment(leave the phone at home to really soak up and nestle in with a precious soul). I stay busy, yet when I can't sleep it all comes falling down on my emotions like an unexpected downpour of April showers. It is uncontrollable, it doesn't happen often yet when it does I can't explain it. This, I believe, is divine timing because it forces me to write. I must do this, if I keep it all in -it will only cause more pain. 'Patience' you tell me, 'in time' you say, yet this year is the year. The year to conquer my fear, the year to crush procrastination, the time to fully indulge. This one is for you dad! I will finish what you inspired me to embark upon!

Just being a mom, who knew?

There are some things in life worth fighting for. Our children are one of those things. Today I went to eat lunch with my baby girl, last week I went to lunch with my boys. This past month has truly been an incredible, refreshing & honoring opportunity for me. You see, before I closed my studio last month, let's go earlier back to before the studio started last year, prior to starting online school(that I still do), the 4 jobs I struggled through, even before the divorce or my father's passing, -I, was, a, mom. It was my number one job, my favorite responsibility, & today still is(yet at this moment in time there are no distractions). Its quite nice not having to teach 5 classes a day, clean up after classes, run all over town advertising, pay people to come teach and answer hundreds of questions from clients or interested minds, be on a constant vicious path to discover a baby sitter, work myself to the bone to make a business run on my own with school over my head and deadlines for articles for the newspaper & so on. Quite frankly, it has been a life of luxury to sit and soak in some sun and natures peaceful atmosphere. My yard is clean, my house is clean, my homework is done, my kids are mine, and I get to enjoy their baseball & soccer games! So, last week when I was sitting with my middle son during his school lunch & he looked me straight in the eye & said "Mom, why do you act like you want to hang out with us all of the time now?" I knew that was code for "Where you been?" I didn't cry, instead I said "get used to it!" I don't want to miss priceless moments with my kiddos. Today at my baby girl's lunch I didn't want to let her go, she sat in my lap and I couldn't stop smelling her hair, asking her questions, and listening to her funny scenarios. When one of my son's classmates asked if I was his sister we chuckled until our stomachs hurt. I can't hold them enough, tell them how much I love them enough, listen to them enough, read to them enough, answer their questions about life enough, it makes my heart full. These moments will never be returned, I know my father cherished every moment with my sister, my mom, and me. I'm counting my blessings & focusing on the positive, sure- I know at times things get hairy and frustrating but every moment is a moment that is full of growth.....or the chance to uncover one of life's impeccable lessons. I don't regret anything, I just keep on keeping on, learning as I go. Swim in the pool of liberation and enlightenment! Discipline, in my lifetime, has been very beneficial to me, but grace has moved my soul to see a whole new realm of reality. P.S. On the mom note- please be in prayer for my sweet friend Jennie and her baby girl Eleanor Bliss who has been spitting up since birth. Doctors have discovered a hiatal hernia. She and her husband Brian are taking Eleanor to MUSC tomorrow to see the pediatric gastroenterologist. Join me in big prayers for Eleanor Bliss who is only 3 weeks old, today.

I had the best time!

My mom, the kids, and I hit up Sunset beach during spring break. Time away, out of Flo-town reminded me of how much I love my kids. We had a great time, even though it was slightly cold(which is code for: SNUGGLE TIME)! It was so wonderful, we chilled, dug holes, got some flip flops for 2012, rode bikes on the beach, lost track of time, and came back home with sun kissed faces.