Where do I start?

I am falling in love all over again. It's completely crazy but I am stumbling over things, getting lost in my thoughts, finding myself tickled just thinking about him. The most amazing part is how he consistently pursues me, he calls me, he helps me with my kiddos, and he listens to my rash ravings when it appears that life is throwing dung at my face. He desires me and tells me of my beauty. The worth I do not see in myself is where he is patient enough to remind me. I'm not really familiar with this intense sweet aroma called love. But, I will take it!
I need to establish some soil before I go on. I am running a yoga studio in a small town located in South Carolina. This is not a very welcoming town when it comes to change, just ask the preacher's wife that told me a few years back: "YOU will NEVER have the anointing of God in your life if you leave your husband!" as I was going through a divorce. Change is not something that everyone enjoys, it occurs constantly -ie. 8 track to tape cassette to cd to ipod, vhs to dvd to blue ray, land line telephone to cell phones, change is never immediately accepted or embraced. Yet eventually people adapt.
Anywho, my life has drastically changed over the past 2 years, actually over the past 4 months. My wonderful kids still amaze me with their ever growing questions and enriching insights. I remain baffled on how this guy that I am growing incredibly fond of provides for me and gives me unlimited energy. He sounds great, right? If only I would be able to spend more time with him.........another blog/another day.
Oh yeah, soil. So, the ex hubby proposed to the chic of his dreams. She comes across as nice to my children but, what happens when she oversteps her boundaries?
Hold on, aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Okay, I'm back. I am not one that embraces conflict, I usually run in the opposite direction because I am a crybaby. Here's the scoop: as of the past 4 months I have totally been focused and wrapped up in my kids, my new business, and school. There really has not been a single moment to look elsewhere. All I desire to do is feed my kids and keep them under a roof. It's been tough! I share joint custody with my kids father so, their is no child support. Needless to say- we have two wonderful roomies that help pay the rent, so never a dull minute in our house of 7!
I recently learned from the children that the ex was living with his newly made fiance, they informed me that the air conditioner was broken at dad's house. After about 2 weeks of staying there I could tell how uncomfortable it was for them. They told me how confusing everything was, the divorce was final last year, the wound still fresh from the band-aid being ripped off. They didn't want to talk at first because they thought it was supposed to be a secret. I didn't bring it up and I didn't say anything. First: because I don't know how to explain the whole situation of living with someone your not married to. Second, I was constantly working to provide for them and get a vehicle.
Nothing is smooth for kids when it comes to divorce or death and my kids got slammed with both over the past 2 years. Well, the soon to be bride made herself comfortable by signing the kids work from school and sending me a schedule of who does what on this/that day with highlights of where I'm going to be. I take a look at it, roll my eyes, think to myself "mmm k, whatever." Then the continuous text from hell started blowing up my phone. Who cares that I was deep in thought working on my homework, or it was the hour before my deadline. I responded with the boundary line statement "you are not allowed to tell me or advise me what to do and I will have the same respect for you."
Why is it that we think the world of people when we are falling in love yet, when we are unsatisfied or not content, wanting/needing more we have no problem crushing others?
Yay, now remember how I mentioned that I'm in love. You guessed it: his name is Jesus, God in the flesh, he's the skip in my walk, the pop in my soda, the z in my sleep, and the grin on my cheek! He has been REAL to me, he has helped me see his grace through friends and people that have no idea how blessed I am to enjoy their presence because they ooze/overflow of his goodness!
All the messiness I'm plowing through right now may not seem like a blessing but, I have hope because I am loved by a lover that will never turn his back on me, by never leaving nor forsaking me!

Church

Sitting
Enjoying
Breathing
Just being

Comfort
Safety

Am I strong?
Yes, with you beside me

Anything can be done
With you I am encouraged
Able to move mountains
With you, I am not alone
Standing ground

Walking
Talking
Door locking
Looking

Lost
Scared

Was it just a dream?
I am alone and hungry

Everything is overwhelming
People discouraging
If this is real
Wake me up
Or get me out of here

Sometimes it feels good to be alone. After teaching today I painted a part of the studio that needed to be finished. At first I thought it would be nice to have company, then as I played some music I realized how beautiful it was to not have to say a word. I have been running from here to there, teaching, and doing homework. So, the stillness was quite becoming. It was in the stillness that I had peace. Reassurance from God, his love that overwhelms and bewilders me. I wasn't alone; He kept me company and I didn't want it to end. These are the moments we search for so we can feel refreshed. Lokaah Samastaah Sukhino Bhavanthu Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanthi