All I Can Hold On To

The day my father died, I picked up doughnuts for my mother and sister. I'm not big on sweets, but every time my sis visits we end up eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts at least 3 times before she goes back home. I knew my father was having trouble breathing when I spoke that Sunday morning on the phone with my sis. I had a feeling I needed to get there quickly so I skipped out on church. When I arrived at my parents house, my sister just finished giving dad pain medicine. She said he was tired and fell back asleep. So, I thought I would give him some time to rest. My mom, sister and I talked in the living room which is not far from their bedroom. When mom went in to check on daddy 15-20 minutes later, he was gone. His body was warm yet, he was not there. I started weeping, extremely upset that I didn't see him or he didn't see me. Dana(my sister) said: "Kara, don't you blame yourself, because he waited until you got here, he heard you and knew you were here." This is one of the things I hold on to, knowing that my father waited and knew his girls were there. He wasn't alone and was comforted to know we were there. Everything in me grieves. He was such a GOOD man, the only man on this earth that I could possibly trust with my life. He was here for me, he was my daddy. I miss him and can't wait to see him again. It may feel like a lifetime for me, yet it will only be a blink of the eye for him. I want comfort, not from anyone here. I want love that goes deeper than the ocean, I desire substance. There is hope, I can not see it right now....but I trust there is hope. As I sit here listening to one of my friends songs, I agree with the words: 'Jesus Christ, overcome me with your love'.