Monday, October 13, 2014
sometimes i cuss, sometimes i do yoga
People are disturbed not by things, but by the VIEW they take on them. ~ Epictetus(Greek Stoic Philosopher)
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Worst day of my life….
The worst day of my life, you might imagine me stating a death or loss, perhaps the day my father died or the day I was in a horrible accident, totaled my car (looking at the car you'd think the person driving was dead). Yet, those days can not compare to the worst day of my life. This day was supposed to be a day of celebration, a day of love and union, but it was a day that left me completely grief stricken. October 2, 1999, it was the day I got married. Yes, you finally figured out why weddings absolutely disgust me and why I can't stand to attend them. My wedding day left such a wretched taste in my life that it literally made me sick to even think about going to one. They all just seemed so fake, full of lies, as if people were dressing up, painting a happy-face-mask on, disguising marriage as a beautiful life event. When in all reality, it was a pit full of venomous snakes. I had no idea at the young age of 23 what I was getting into. Looking back, I've discovered how I've learned the most valuable lessons a girl/woman could acquire. You know the drill, I save the best for last, you have to wait until the end for the dramatic life lesson. Don't skip through anything, trust me, you'll want all the gooey details. Shall I continue now?
Prince charming, was not so charming and had the temper of a hangry(hungry plus angry= hangry) two year old. He was cruel, abusive with his words and when things went bad, he saw red and forgot anything he said or did. I will leave it at that, because I am not one to lash out or for that matter take a lashing. I'll leave it with your imagination of how bad the fights got. This wasn't the first time for me, I grew up with harsh words and thought it was perfectly normal to be spoken to in such a way. Someone attempting to control you, that host so much anger in their heart, sucks- BIG time. Obviously, the pain inside them is too much to bear that they feel they have to project it unto you. I knew where their pain stemmed from so, I tolerated it. I allowed the 'putting me in my place' mentality to carry on for years.
When I finally decided to leave and start a new life (single-hood), people came out of the woods telling me things about him(where he went, what he did) confirming my decision was best that I left. The thing that baffles me is: WHY didn't they tell me when it was going on years prior? Why is it, when people find out or know something about your significant other, like what they are doing (that has the potential to ruin or heal the relationship) and STILL keep it to themselves or gossip to everyone else in town about it? My theory: if you're NOT speaking the truth (in love), you're not a true friend and you really don't care for the person. Truth is the best medicine, yet every one's truth is their own perceived reality. Basically, we are all screwed. LOL.
Seriously, he wasn't my prince charming because he was made to be prince charming for someone else. We never gelled, no matter what, we were mismatched from the get go. His talents and gifts were not compatible with mine. He's not the bad guy, I'm not either, we are just from two different countries when it comes to logic and the realities of our thinking. His world was developed from what he went through from birth until now, mine as well. I learned so much from our battle field, you read that right, it wasn't a training ground, their was blood shed.
What was attained? Compassion, though it may look obscured. Grace, to understand we all are flawed and need each other to embrace our variations. Hope, that somehow optimism will always far out weigh pessimism. And, most essential: LOVE. Love, the strongest, most powerfully positive emotion of regard and affection. It requires more than pleasure, it is full of devotion. How can this be, shouldn't I be bitter and walk around with a stench face? Certainly I could claim that I have the right to hate weddings and be bold enough to make it my life motto that weddings suck and love doesn't really exist. The fact is, love does exist. God is love, which is unconditional. Humans fail where he doesn't, we make it about survival and put limits on love. Weddings were not made to be some theatrical show, they are a symbol of marriage. Marriage, when two join as one, is a soul connection. I've determined that when a marriage is right, it's absolutely stunning and will take your breath away(in the best way). A commitment so deep its in your bones, part of your essence. Personally, it scares the shit out of me. I'm just being honest, its all I know, apologies to all you uptight, righteous folk reading my crazy ass blog. Here's something funny, I actually enjoy some weddings now. Shocker, lookout world!
Lastly, yet most vital, the four various birth control methods that didn't sustain during wedlock…..left me with the most beautiful, captivating fact that the worst day of my life led me to the most treasured, precious four gifts of my life. My cup is full, through the ups and downs, this journey has hosted me with the highest degree of intense joy anyone could ask for…..motherhood. I am blessed, and would choose to relive my worst day all over again to experience the four delights of my being. Sometimes suffering brings awareness of our greatest accomplishments. Watching them venture out and feel exuberance, seeing them get their happy on is pure, genuine bliss!
Be raw, be real, be love, be light, be peace, be hype, be free, just BE!
Signing off for now,
Prita
Prince charming, was not so charming and had the temper of a hangry(hungry plus angry= hangry) two year old. He was cruel, abusive with his words and when things went bad, he saw red and forgot anything he said or did. I will leave it at that, because I am not one to lash out or for that matter take a lashing. I'll leave it with your imagination of how bad the fights got. This wasn't the first time for me, I grew up with harsh words and thought it was perfectly normal to be spoken to in such a way. Someone attempting to control you, that host so much anger in their heart, sucks- BIG time. Obviously, the pain inside them is too much to bear that they feel they have to project it unto you. I knew where their pain stemmed from so, I tolerated it. I allowed the 'putting me in my place' mentality to carry on for years.
When I finally decided to leave and start a new life (single-hood), people came out of the woods telling me things about him(where he went, what he did) confirming my decision was best that I left. The thing that baffles me is: WHY didn't they tell me when it was going on years prior? Why is it, when people find out or know something about your significant other, like what they are doing (that has the potential to ruin or heal the relationship) and STILL keep it to themselves or gossip to everyone else in town about it? My theory: if you're NOT speaking the truth (in love), you're not a true friend and you really don't care for the person. Truth is the best medicine, yet every one's truth is their own perceived reality. Basically, we are all screwed. LOL.
Seriously, he wasn't my prince charming because he was made to be prince charming for someone else. We never gelled, no matter what, we were mismatched from the get go. His talents and gifts were not compatible with mine. He's not the bad guy, I'm not either, we are just from two different countries when it comes to logic and the realities of our thinking. His world was developed from what he went through from birth until now, mine as well. I learned so much from our battle field, you read that right, it wasn't a training ground, their was blood shed.
What was attained? Compassion, though it may look obscured. Grace, to understand we all are flawed and need each other to embrace our variations. Hope, that somehow optimism will always far out weigh pessimism. And, most essential: LOVE. Love, the strongest, most powerfully positive emotion of regard and affection. It requires more than pleasure, it is full of devotion. How can this be, shouldn't I be bitter and walk around with a stench face? Certainly I could claim that I have the right to hate weddings and be bold enough to make it my life motto that weddings suck and love doesn't really exist. The fact is, love does exist. God is love, which is unconditional. Humans fail where he doesn't, we make it about survival and put limits on love. Weddings were not made to be some theatrical show, they are a symbol of marriage. Marriage, when two join as one, is a soul connection. I've determined that when a marriage is right, it's absolutely stunning and will take your breath away(in the best way). A commitment so deep its in your bones, part of your essence. Personally, it scares the shit out of me. I'm just being honest, its all I know, apologies to all you uptight, righteous folk reading my crazy ass blog. Here's something funny, I actually enjoy some weddings now. Shocker, lookout world!
Lastly, yet most vital, the four various birth control methods that didn't sustain during wedlock…..left me with the most beautiful, captivating fact that the worst day of my life led me to the most treasured, precious four gifts of my life. My cup is full, through the ups and downs, this journey has hosted me with the highest degree of intense joy anyone could ask for…..motherhood. I am blessed, and would choose to relive my worst day all over again to experience the four delights of my being. Sometimes suffering brings awareness of our greatest accomplishments. Watching them venture out and feel exuberance, seeing them get their happy on is pure, genuine bliss!
Be raw, be real, be love, be light, be peace, be hype, be free, just BE!
Signing off for now,
Prita
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