Complete

I am not complete.
I want to be.
I am not yours to keep.
Yet, I want to be.
Free indeed.
Now leave me be.

Dear Daddy

Hey Dad,
I know its your birthday on Wednesday and I wanted to wish you a wonderful one. The kids miss you tremendously, they are getting so big. Eve still asks to see you! When Luke and Andrew get upset thinking about how your gone, I just throw out a funny memory of yours. We all giggle and remember you with a heap of loving fondness. Seth is.....you know- Seth. He is kind and gentle at times which reminds me of you, only 7 and he is constantly looking out for me. I wanted you to know how much you are missed, you should know of the people that you brought life to! I love you dad!
I'm investing in a surf board this week in honor of the day you arrived here on this earth. I can't wait to get out on the water.
Thank you for loving me unconditionally, you weren't perfect (no one is) but, you loved me no matter what. I miss our talks, or shall I say my ramblings that eventually ended with my thousand interrogating questions of what you thought. And my never ending demands of your life story or what you wanted if this or that happened in an imaginary scenario. You will always be favored and honored here in this heart. You pushed though and I pray for the grace to do the same. Thank you.
I love you and refuse to say good bye. Yes, I will continue to take comfort in:
"See you later,"
Kara (your Christine)

To be perfectly honest

I will be perfectly honest, I cried a lot today. My sweet room mate is hitting hard times with her car and I know what that is like because I was without one for 2 months prior this month. Another dear friend of mine is literally watching her daddy leave this earth. I ache for her, because I know this pain all too well. Watching a loved one die is heavy on the heart, indescribable. There are no words for comfort. Dad's birthday is next week and it still feels like yesterday. I keep telling myself this will all pass. I keep trying to imagine that life does have its beautiful moments. Yet, all I can do is cry. I'm not like this every day, but I was rejected by someone today and my devastation volume is stuck- I can't seem to turn the knob back down. All I desire to do is crawl into a corner and be wrapped up by the only one that can comfort me. Allowing God to tell me that I am worth more. I'm wanted and it's all right. Oh well, this is me -being perfectly honest. Tomorrow is a new day and I will not have to see this day again.

Content

For the past few days I have been reading a passage from the Bible that hits me in my gut every time. I can't stop coming back to it, its like one of those songs you hear and it keeps playing over and over again in your head.

Philippians 4:4-13
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.