Day 7 & 8

As of this very second I am blasting Carly Simon, classic 1970s artist, through my headphones watching the waves crash onto the shore. I was up at 5:30 getting ready to make the 6am yoga class, which was amazing as always, thank you Dawn(most beautiful yoga instructor ever). Today, I woke up grateful that I have the opportunity to do some of my favorite things this week. Waking up to the ocean, being with my children, doing yoga at my most cherished studio, and having a few minutes to write. I'm in my hapi place. If tears are filling my eyes, they are tears of a full heart. I know what I want most in life when I'm in my hapi place.
Psalm 100 begins with: "Shout for joy to the Lord all the earth." And it ends with: "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." JOY, SHOUT for JOY! The earth is already rejoicing, every day it gives a huge round of applause to its creator. The sun rises, the wind moves, the trees reach up towards the sky, the grass and flowers flourish, and the birds of the air sing. As I take notice of the water glistening and washing over the sand, it soothes my body and I am more aware of how peace is ever present, that love truly exist through out the earth. I believe that love is real and nothing can separate us from it. I've watched people in love, how sweet they can be towards each other and how they have each other to hold during hard times. My parents loved each other dearly, my dad was head over heels in love with my momma. He showed me that God is real through his example. God is love and like a blanket his love covers us, making us feel warm and protected....like little kids under the sheets at night imagining the covers will protect us from any danger existing outside of them. My safe and hapi place has grown beyond the sheets, the covers, the blanket, whatever fort or shelter I produced as a child. I have grown to understand His love endures forever and has no boundaries, wherever I go, whatever I do, I have love. From the generations before me and the ones to come, love surpasses them all.

From treetop ropes courses to walks on the beach, swimming pools to ferris wheels, people watching to bird watching, I am content. I am learning that every second is to be taken as it is, present, aware, and grateful to experience it. I love you Lord, I'm ready.

Day 5 & 6.....

Sunday was Easter, I kept it classic and made baskets for the kids. Bubbles, candy, and elastic stretchy bunnies for everyone! I was the first to wake, it was overcast but, waking up to the ocean was still one of the best feelings in the world. We went to church and it was so packed, even though we were early, we had to sit in the overflow room. It rained all day, so we went to a local hotel pool and swam, made grilled cheese sandwiches with soup, and got some yummy hot chocolate at a nearby Starbucks. It might of been raining, yet it was a beautiful day because I was with my favorite people in the world. I am one blessed momma. I choose happiness; it is a choice you know, happiness. Suffering is also a choice, we can choose to live in heaven or live in hell....no matter where we are.

The day after Easter might of been a regular Monday for most, but I started it with yoga. The small studio was packed at 6 am. I felt love as I entered, the vibrations were strong from the surrounding yogis. Non-judgement was real, no conditions. Every time I go to class at Shanti, I remember why I fell in love with yoga in the first place. It's a communion of love, self love, and a selfless love that shows us how to embrace others. The rest of the day was so amazing out! The sun was shining, the sand was warm, and the view took my breath away. Every wave that crashed expanding over the sand was a direct reflection of my heart growing radiantly over my body. This is what the beauty of the sea does to me, fills me up with an endless supply of perception. It is why it is the only love I have ever experienced besides the agape love I have with my children.

By the end of the day I realized how amazingly content I am, sharing this post with my FB friends:

I've struggled my whole life with body image, today my kids, their friends & I were laughing. One was snap-chatting me, I used to care what the outcome of the picture looked like. Today, I was in my zone, my Hapi place, so I didn't care what the outcome was. I was just Hapi, my heart was content, being by the ocean with my favorite people in the world. This picture captures that. It also reminds me of my dad & sister, how we all laugh, how we are family. I love this picture because it's me in a moment of pure giddiness, joy is real and I want to live there.

Day 4

Saturday could not have started off better! My 14 year old woke to tell me he was joining me at the gym! My heart fluttered and skipped. We laughed, as he realized his 40 year old mother was showing him up, and I was more than grateful to show him how to properly work out. Then we ran some errands, hit the grocery store, and packed for our vaca to the beach. THE BEACH, THE OCEAN, its my forever sanctuary. The water calls to me, it makes me feel everything at once. I can not get enough of it! I love the seaside and how I feel when I'm listening to the waves laying on the sand with my feet bare, hair down, and the sun warming my entire body. I'm so proud to call my children my own. There is no place I would rather be than here with my loves.

Day 3

Friday was Day 3 of Love like there is no tomorrow(originally live, read previous post), I hit the ground running! Woke early to fit a 2 mile sprint in, had a blast with one of my personal training clients, got a new Tuesday gig at a local spot in town, had a new massage client, scarfed some nutrition down, ran to another training client, then watched the awesome new Disney movie 'ZooTopia' with the kids and friends! It really tickled my fancy. I highly recommend it. The cute little bunny in the movie made me laugh when she was told to give 100 parking tickets in a day, she said "I'll do 200, by noon!" She made it happen, one of the youngsters looked at me and said: "that's you!" What really made my day was towards the end when I got to pray with the kiddos. I cherish these moments with them. Family and friends, its what I am coming to realize that is what I value most. I'm reconnecting with old and making new. Loving fiercely and not denying how deeply and richly it can be done. Love on my brothers and sistas!

Day 2

You know how you make a decision to do something and it seems like confirmation happens through different venues in your life, random pop ups of "coincidences". For instance, today AND yesterday Tim McGraw's song: "Live like you were dying" came on the radio while I was driving, two totally different stations at different times in the day as well as different cities. Just sayin....
I woke up excited today, started calling and texting people to tell them how they have blessed me and why they are important to me. It truly is an honor to have the people we have in our lives, don't ever miss out on letting them know. You never know when someone's time is up. I want to see everyone I speak or see to grin from ear to ear. Smiles are contagious, they make for less stress.
When I arrived at work, my first client hands me this gift. The cute bag had: a pink turban(she saw me previously wear a shirt wrapped around my head one day that looked like a turban), a card, a devotional, a cute tank top, and homemade cookies! WHAT did I do to deserve this??? I felt spoiled, like a kid that won a prize. Judith ALWAYS makes me smile.
On my lunch break I decided to walk down to the beach to sit and take time out to breathe. I am forever taking my shoes off and feeling the sand between my toes then I lay down to dirty my hair.
As I'm walking I notice a couple, facing each other, the woman in a white dress and another man standing in front of them, it was a WEDDING! This couple was getting married, someone was taking pictures and this moment was priceless. I was honored to witness such a beautiful site. Marriage represents love, love is God whom is patient, kind, forgiving, and gentle. To understand how two become one, it goes beyond the physical, its spiritual and emotional. To cherish another human being to the point of being selfless is what its all about, love. Jesus died on the cross because of love.

Just to breathe is enough.
It gives us pleasure to fulfill any need of the body.
To be alive is enough.
The pleasure of the feeling of love.
Help me to be like you are, Lord.

To love life, to be life, to be love.
Help us to love the way you love with no conditions, no expectations, no obligations, without any judgment. Help us to love and accept ourselves without any judgment because when we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we feel the need to be punished. Help us to love everything you create unconditionally.....including ourselves.

On my walk back to work, God showed me a memory of my childhood: a bed of white clovers. I knelt down to brush my hands over them, hoping to capture the smell in my skin. I remembered rolling in the grass as a child and picking the weeds. I searched for four leaf clovers and always found one amongst the crowd. In that second I glanced and picked one up! How sweet the creator of life made me feel in that moment. I picked the dandelion mixed into the bed of clover, blew all the seeds off and made a wish. As I stood up, there was a tree with its branches that took me right back to 530 Yale Place in Shreveport, Louisiana. 34 years later and I could smell it. Day 2, and I was right back to being 6 years old.

Day 1 of 30

 So, hopefully by now, you are used to my honesty. I really didn't want to write about yesterday. I was struggling & felt like one big ball of emotional shit. Every minute was a challenge to see the positive. When I decided to step outside of myself and ask others questions, it was then that I started to understand my worth. I asked my personal training client many questions about her and what's going on in her life. I worked out alongside her. Afterwards, I went for a 3 mile run, THEN worked out AGAIN with one of my dearest friends. Towards the end of the day I had an unexpected massage client. She was the sweetest & I was thankful she showed up. 8pm rolled around & my youngest son had a baseball game, I just wanted to crawl into bed to get rid of a headache and escape my body's exhaustion. Instead, I jumped into my car & headed to the baseball field. A friend was there & he didn't know it, but it made my day shift from challenging to full of grace. After spending time watching my son play, & begging me to spend the night at my house....I reflected on how thankful I am to be surrounded by beautiful people. Day 1 of "live like there is no tomorrow" turned into "love like there is no tomorrow".

Last day to live...

Over the next 30 days, I am going to live them as if they are my last....

How would you live your life differently if you were told you only had 30 days to live? Would you act differently towards others? Where would you go? Who would you spend your time with? This is an experiment, this is a personal challenge that pushes me to choose joy no matter what. It is my goal to leave a positive impact that hopefully will have a ripple effect. I will be logging in at the end of every day on here to report back what all I did and any interesting findings. 

Peace, love, and pixie dust, 

Kara

Why wait for pain to make a change?

I just left a beautiful yoga class, when it began I was sitting Indian style listening to the teacher. Her voice was soothing, the room was small, and smelled like incense. It was very intimate, only 3 students and the teacher. I started thinking of some issues I've been having health wise and then my mind redirected to my children. My eyes began to get teary, my heart started to flutter. My thoughts focused on wanting to spend as much time with them as possible. I felt inclined to cover them in love, encourage them to be love towards others, oh how I cherish them and our moments together. I had to let go of that moment and became aware of being present. I started to breathe. I experienced some sort of relinquishment, my knees stopped hurting, my face was light, and my body was warm. Why does it take hard times or scary health threats for so many humans to wake up? To not be cruel towards others, to offer help, and to have compassion.... What will it take for love to explode from within the soul? The trauma from childhood or life lessons to finally be healed and the movement of restoration to have its full effect upon the spirit. Everyone hurts, yet we continue to lash out our pain, projecting our own shortcomings and insecurities? Have we not evolved enough over time to stop, meditate, and follow through with progress? My mind is still, my heart is full, my body is yet a temple. It boils down to a choice: bondage or liberation. Be careful to not live in bondage of a broken heart or spirit, casting anguish. I want to live aloud in sweet beauty breaking curses and setting people free. Kindness, gentleness, patience, forgiveness; these are keys to unconditional love, to victory, to hosting energy that will change the world -one life at a time.

I'm not merely flesh and bone
I was made for something more
You are God, you're the great I am
Breath of life, I breathe you in
Even in the fire, I'm alive in you
You are strong in my brokenness
Sovereign over every step
Even in the fire, I'm alive, I'm alive in you

 1 Corinthians chapter 13 is worth a read.

A note to my love....

One day, I'll have the chance to spoil you my love. I will be the biggest goofball and you will know my heart more than anyone else. How incredibly big it is, 💖 you will get to see how truly beautiful I am. I will let you see all of me and you will feel so incredibly loved. I won't hold back, the laughs, the smiles, the tears, the pain, the joy, the snuggles, the poetry, the words. You will be full and my heart will only be yours. Love, such an incredible gift, not everyone knows how to be completely naked(mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally). A day will come my love, you will have me and I you. Until then, I wait. As I wait, I prepare by becoming stronger, wiser, and ready. This heart is not faint, this mind is not weak, this soul is not easily shaken, I am being made whole. Love, when it's time, we will be one.

Me....complex, nah

Someone recently told me that I was complex. That whoever snatched me up would be lucky. I've been told I have dry humor and I'm pretty. These things are great, yet I know who I am. Being silly, goofy, and cracking smiles is a huge part of me. Yet, I also excogitate, contemplate, meditate, and hide in my room or outside in mother nature to explore the limitless life force. Creating space for love with passion and drive is a common thread knitted within my soul. I don't like to put things in boxes, there is so much more to me than what I do or where I go. The inordinateness in me is not afraid to stand out. The self-discovery journey for me has included laughter, tears, growth, pain, love, hope, and words that can not be expressed by mere language. I can only ask that it never ends as I physically reside on this planet, may each day begin with the spirit of living.

When your best isn't good enough...

Sometimes, you give your best and it isn't good enough. So, why bother right? Because we never know what is in store, what tomorrow might bring.
At times, I wonder how is it that, no matter how much I cry out to God about a certain circumstance in my life, it hasn't changed. I've grown, I've changed, I've learn to let shit go. And still sometimes, the things we love most are stripped from us. We don't understand why but, it happens.
There will always be people hurting so they inflict pain onto others, we shouldn't take it personal yet, it can feel unbearable. Not bearing the burden is easier said than done. I have no answers, just a heavy heart. I keep on trekking because that is what we are taught to do, to be silent, to not show emotion because it is seen as weakness or crazy.

There is a song I remember hearing Amy Grant sing when I was younger, the lyrics so candid....
It's a cold, cold world that we're walking through
Lay down the burden of your heart
But, it's warm as toast, walking two by two
Lay down the burden of your heart

Good night world, you constantly test me and I just want to say what I feel at times: "fuck off!"
Oops, I said what I thought, how 'bout them apples?

It's ok to be hapi....

Kleenex, I ALWAYS make sure to have a box in my house. You never know if someone might sneeze, get sick, have a runny nose, or let out tears that no longer belong within them. This morning after I took kids to school I was planning on working, making phone calls, texting, setting up appointments, making business proposals, you get my drift. When I walked into my office/bedroom/yoga room I sat down on a green yoga mat my mother bought from me when I owned a yoga studio 5 years prior. I borrowed it and realized how much I enjoyed practicing on it, haven't given it back since. So, yes, I stole my mom's yoga mat.
As I began sorting through some papers, then glance over social media, I stopped and closed my computer. Tears rolled down my face as I spoke out loud to God. My mind decided it wanted healing, my soul declared justice, and my body was done with the shackles. Today my vessel was telling me to take the time to process, so it could experience complete joy. For so long I believed I was just a strong stubborn woman, never asking for help because I was totally capable. Yet, that wasn't true, I was scared. I was fearful of being taken advantage of again, or being hurt by someone that I trusted. The walls I built up since I was 3-5 years old are starting to shake as if an earthquake is occurring. The time is now to heal from not only the pain, yet the interpretations I set throughout my life from the damage that came about at such a young age. For too long I perceived that I was unworthy, or I didn't deserve happiness, my comprehension was that of shame, disgrace, and concealing my true self because no one would accept me. All of this because someone wasn't whole, his conclusion was to prey upon innocent children. I do not blame him nor hold resentment towards him, that would only poison me and continue to disrupt my course of existence. I meant what I said in a previous post, "I choose to forgive, so that I might live." In this moment I take action, one that tells that little girl from my youth: "It's okay to be hapi, you were submitting to authority, you didn't know. YOU ARE SO WORTHY! God made you beautiful and you don't have to hide that." Now, I need another box of Kleenex.

Rest easy, have no fear
I love you perfectly and perfect love drives out fear
I'll take your burden, you take my grace
Rest easy in my embrace

Read 1 John 4:4-21

Sit in silence

Sitting at my kitchen table, waiting for children to get up and eat the biscuits and beautiful display of colorful fruit I have laid out for them. The door is open, the window shade is up, and I am sitting here. I am writing thank you cards and my heart is heavy. I am yearning to master this whole setting my intentions lifestyle. To wake up with purpose, with an intention to live focused on accomplishing certain goals. At times I feel distracted or frustrated. So, sitting still is where I decide to start. Allowing myself to just breathe in and breathe out, feeling the sun on my face, the warm coffee mug in my hands, gathering my thoughts so that I might release them for the day ahead of me. Confusion isn't peaceful, chaos isn't soothing, yet when those moments come I can be prepared.
I start simple, with love. For love is how so many of the great teachers before me lead. They chose love, which drew others to them. Jesus, Mother Teresa, my grandmother, so many. Jesus gave up his life for us, he offered his body as a sacrifice, Mother Teresa contributed her life to see others have a home, my grandmother got up every morning to feed her family and worked hard to provide for them as she became this huge heart for others to console with. Think about it, as parents we begin with love. As soon as our babies are born we hold them, kiss them, care for them. I have to remember this daily because I fall short at times. Reading scripture such as 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 fill my mind with affirmation, reminding me love is always possible. My intentions for this day, are to set it off with love. If I fail, I start again, I refresh my mind to the morning sitting in silence, pondering on the leaders that succeeded before me. It is possible to walk every day in love. When the teenagers are being teens, I recall holding them when infants in my arms. When I think my purpose isn't being fulfilled, I make a decision to honor someone else by reaching out a helping hand or write a thank you note just because.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."

Every day I have to make a decision, I choose to forgive so that I might live.

It's midnight and I am curled up into a ball on my hard wood floor in my room in front of my little heater. I'm crying, yet no one can hear me. I had a flashback, its painful. I don't want anyone to hear me crying, even though I am home alone. I suddenly remember why I don't like attention at times, I don't want anyone to see me.
Earlier I was at the gym and only guys were there, usually no one speaks to me, tonight was different. Guys kept coming up to me and trying to start a conversation, I just wanted to work out. I started to feel uncomfortable, I had to leave, as I did I was stopped again. They weren't bad people, they just didn't know what I've been through and how my childhood trauma was regurgitating at that moment.
I wish it would go away, that I wouldn't be able to remember anything, yet it comes and goes making me feel like I need to run and hide. When this happens I feel so unworthy, I feel like I've done something bad, that I can't wash away how dirty I feel. I have no idea why I am finally writing about this, maybe it will help someone else that is going through it as well.
It doesn't feel like healing, yet I know it will eventually. Sometimes, I just have to remember to breathe. This moment will pass, and my past is not who I am. I refuse to let my subconscious continue to sabotage my future, my success. Breathe in, breathe out, stand up, fight back, and don't forget to smile. I am not ruled by my emotions, they can only offer temporary sorrow or joy. I recognize them and dig deep, understanding there is an underlying personal battle I must overcome. I am grateful for this wisdom and hold on to the hope of God's promises. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬

Every day I have to make a decision, I choose to forgive so that I might live.

Some days I write so much I don't remember half of what I wrote. A week or two ago I made a commitment to write every day and blog once a week. Dedication is knowing what you want and going after it. I am a writer and love it, so every day I will pursue writing, by dedicating time to write in order to become better. Below is one of my recent FB post, choosing to live.....

There are some mornings I don't want to get out of bed, but HOW will that get me to my goals???? I get up & start moving, setting intentions that will make my day better than the one before. I set visions of what I will achieve & how I will do it. 
Yesterday morning I woke up remembering a dream I had, I was practicing yoga with a friend & did a back bend pose so deep I touched my feet to my head!!!! It was so vivid I felt like it was really happening, I woke up as if I did it. An incredible sense of achievement washed over me. Now, it's all I think about.
When we set our minds on the things we want to do & create space for them, it can be done. Limitations become challenges, challenges become daily practice, practice becomes mastery. Mastery is great skillfulness and knowledge, a power to dominate or defeat.
Set your intentions wisely today, be so conscious of what you desire that it springs forth into reality & you master it.😘