Comforting Arms

I am up, unable to sleep and my thoughts rest on my faith. Do you question things? Like why things happen the way they do or wonder where is God in the mist of my sorrow or pain? I have been there yet, right now I feel as if I'm a ship lost in the storm. My compass is broken and my eyes are tired from the constant rain beating down on my face. I can no longer strain to see past this darkness and I'm weary from the waves crashing against me. I attempted for so long to hoist the sail and get through this storm, but it shall not pass. Atleast, until I realize I'm not the captain. When I let go and sit with the cold, harsh wind hitting my body I want to cry and pretend its all a nightmare. I know how I got here, I don't expect anyone to rescue or lend me a hand. My life has been just that: MY life! I didn't want to be the first mate, I wanted to be captain. I wanted to steer, I wanted to call the shots. Now, the storm is too much. I am overwhelmed and unable to focus. This is where I decline and inform you that I don't care anymore. Everything serves in time. Life continues to happen and I choose to rest. I'm done living in storms, I surrender to a place where grace wraps around me like a huge, fuzzy blanket. Where I am accepted for just that, accepted. There is this comfort that comes from a hug, not just any hug, but one that eases your tears, allows your shoulders to sink low and your head rest upon the chest. I imagine His comforting arms to be exactly that, and then some. Afterall, He is the captain! He is the most qualified, and doesn't take it personal when we get lost. He is there NO MATTER what we have done, to embrace and if we choose he will show us how to sleep in the eye of the storm.

It's true

I'ts true, we all struggle, some keep to themselves and few choose to boast. I will just say: "Help me with my unbelief Lord."

It's all in my head

I tell myself to be happy even under the circumstances. It really is all a mind game. To see the horizon for what it truly is and life as the greatest journey before me. Embrace love unprejudiced, expecting nothing in return. These lessons learned are forever embedded in my head.

This is what its like

I am missing you daddy! I can't seem to help but wonder how things could be different if you were still here. I'm tired daddy, where can I lay my mind so sleep may come? Yet, I am forever thankful for the times we shared, for the memories I now treasure and the laughter you brought to me and my children. I am blessed to have had such a wonderful dad. Not many get to experience the love of a kind and compassionate father. Whether it be the love of a mother, of a sister, brother, friend, aunt, uncle; whomever it is that has shown you that love exist, cherish them and the seconds you hold together. For this is what its like when they are gone, an empty spot inside you that can never be filled again. I am comforted to know he lived and lived fully, he loved unconditionally. He accepted people where they were at and did anything for them. This is how Jesus loves and how we can see that love is real. Smile, because someone loves you and you too can love.

April showers

At the end of this month is my father's birthday, April 27th. He would have been 63 this year. Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of him, since his death. I miss him. He taught me so much; to see both sides of the story, to help others in need, how to laugh when it gets hard, to work, to appreciate what you have, and be the best at anything you put your hands to because doing so gives glory to God. He was a mighty giant, he was a warrior. He was my hero! April showers bring memories of my unforgettable father, so if you notice a tear or two from my eyes it's because I miss my hero. My dad was the BEST dad!

I thought I felt you smile

It was a Monday night and I had to teach yoga. I was overwhelmed with this incredible joy. The room felt thick and full of beautiful energy. It was as if you were there daddy. As if you were smiling at me. I couldn't stop smiling, I was so content to feel your presence. Then the tears of joy wanted to let loose, but I knew my class would not understand. So I held back the tears and just smiled.