Projection

Don't blame the world or others for what has been done to you, stand up and be the change! Change your life by changing your attitude, love yourself by taking care of yourself. Be healthy: mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Love yourself and it becomes easier to love others. Yet, if they continue to spit venom at you, learn to love by walking away…..

God

The unaccepted me, the broken and hurt me, that felt naked & stripped of any dignity crawled into your lap. Where you comforted me, removed the chains & lies from me. Took me out of this world for a small amount of time to remind me & Grace me with truth. Understanding that I'm completely made for this moment, I'm here to walk in peace, there is no need to defend my purpose. So, as I embraced your love, you clothed me with splendor, helping me to stand. Stand without fear. Shining, sharing this joy that is available to all!

Bohemian Rhapsody

This bohemian fire is what you admire, yet your post are mere ghost. Your boast from across the coast got me feeling the most. But, I know your lost and searching for perfection, yet your detection is simply a misperception. Let this hour of light shine before this wine ends up making you look like a swine. So, you plan to save the best for last? What you must learn is that this queen is going to pass. Less than first....no thank you, I'm feeling as if I'm about to burst and will not be considered a curse.

excrement, feces, aka SHIT

Today, I was struggling. I have some serious shit going on. I found myself tired & not wanting to fight. I just wanted to ignore everyone & hide, crawl up in a ball & disappear forever. It's so freakin hard being a single mom sometimes, I'm overwhelmed, feel completely alone! The kids decided it was beat mom up with your words kind of morning. They didn't want to start back at school today. After dropping them off, I wanted to rush home, fall into my bed & cry. I know, I need tougher skin. Instead, I went for a walk, blasting my music on my headphones & wearing my hat as low as I could(trying to hide my face, hiding my tears). As a lady passed she started saying my name "Kara!" I tried to keep my head down & say "hey." But, she said "it's me! Wenda!" I met her years ago when I taught kickboxing. Then, her words hit me like a ton of bricks....."you know I lost my son 2 weeks ago." I started bawling, she said "no, I have complete peace. He touched so many lives, he had over a thousand ppl at his funeral. They heard the truth, the word." We hugged & I kept saying "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." We went our separate ways & I woke up. Wenda knows who has her, where her son is now & how mighty God is. She was full of peace, she tried to comfort me, reminding me this is all temporary. I stopped crying, I kept walking. My heart hurt for Wenda & my petty thoughts shut up.

Words may hurt at first yet, the negativity & lies thrown at you are only words & curses. They truly have no power, unless you let them. When I was 10 yrs old I was eating a Twinkie & my mother, who bought them, said: "you going to eat that? You'll get fat." My ex-husband for 10 yrs told me anytime we fought how ugly my body was, how worthless I was, & how stupid I was. I've been told by friends how crazy or retarded I am. When I decided to go into the mission field, my grandparents said "your ruining your life!" As I went through my divorce, the church told me I would never have God's anointing again. My family told me because I have 4 kids that nobody will ever want to marry me. These words have no power unless you give them a place. If I even let those comments fester in my head I would not have accomplished all that I have. Actually, some of those words pushed me to do greater things! The lives I've touched & seen changed because of my purpose, God made me for such a time as this. I choose to walk in healing & strength, letting the things I've been told to be silenced. We are all created for a destiny, to encourage, to love, to bless, to motivate & remind each other as Wenda reminded me "we are NOT alone!" 

Ppl that are hurt, hurt ppl. Those that said those things to me were only hurting, they were suffering & didn't know what they were saying at the time they said it. Just like I do or even you do at times. I'm flawed, maybe probably more so than the ones I spoke of in this post. I didn't always have the best responses when I was being ridiculed, like when my mom said that about the Twinkie I replied with "is that what happened to you?" And when my ex would say something I'd yell "well, your a lazy, fat tard!" 

No perfection here, but I do know I will continue to pick myself up off the ground & understand that the best is yet to come! I'm no longer trying to envision it, I'm DOING IT! Live life in the face of adversity, choose to break free from the pain & conquer an attitude of gratitude, not one of survival. There is too much to celebrate, so I'm going to stop focusing on what mess the storm created & start cleaning it up, keep on moving!

Just Be

I'm bold & bare, yet beautiful.

I'm a pretentious child of God, yet priceless.

I'm flawed, yet fierce.

I'm doomed, yet destined. 

I'm likely, yet loved.

I Fight to not just survive, yet to keep my head held high! I know the truth, yet lies stare at me, I choose to break the mold & walk in freedom. I will be shaken, perhaps fall from time to time yet, I will always have a way to stand back up! Even if it requires that I must crawl or have to start from the beginning again. I am not alone, you are not alone! We are all bound in this flesh, yet we can & have overcome, may you let your spirit, your soul ride across the clouds into the sky! Soar like eagles, no one can clip your wings, unless you let them.

Seduction

So here it goes, I'm having this AMAZING affair! When my eyes lay upon this beautiful treasure chills cover my body. From a distance tingles trickle from my head to my toes, as I move closer my heart melts. My soul has never been so at peace. I'm washed, renewed, comforted by his presence. A deep, strong voice that reassures & stills me. My feet sink deeper into the sand as this addiction calls to me. This drug has it's way with me. My soul longs for this constant therapy, drawing me to savor each step. The coolness under my feet, the softness in between my toes. I'm lost in a paradise of blue skies & open water. I don't want it to end. Meeting with my maker, resting in his bosom, from the dunes to the depths of the ocean, I am in complete bliss in my lovers embrace.

OMGMF-Oh My God, My Father!

Running, looking ahead, then looking up & even closing my eyes for a second. When I run I listen to worship music. My friend Tiff was waiting on me last week when I arrived late to the gym. I started to run faster and bumped the speed up to 8.0, then 9.0. Tiff started to look at me funny, I knew she thought I was crazy so, I yelled out "I'm not being chased, I'm not running from anything. I'm running towards something!" As I got off the treadmill and began to do weights with Tiff I told her some of my most inspiring moments occur when I run. It's like God is speaking to me, pushing me, encouraging me to not give up. You see, I answer to one, yes -you guessed it: God. Why wouldn't I? I know I used to run from him, try to out run my past. Always feeling as if it was trying to catch me, not let me progress in life, as if I could never get away. The demons, skeletons(whatever you want to call it) in my closet were real. When I finally woke up, I realized his grace, his complete healing, his truth, and started running towards him. I longed for more of his love & it wasn't about knowing OF him, it was getting TO KNOW HIM! As a continueously surrender, learning to trust, holding/grasping his hand, I am open to understand that he was beside me this whole time. There was never a reason to run, he accepted me as I was & as I am. He loves me too much to leave me this way & all I have to do is let go and walk with him. There is freedom & it will ring loud if we let it!

Be Real, Be Brave

Everyone has pain that festers inside them, it is disguised as something or someone that is causing them an undeniable trial in their life. Whether it be heartache, memories, abuse, suffering from disease, an addiction, depression, anxiety, loneliness, constant accusations, bullying, judgement, loss, betrayal, strife, struggling to make ends meet, or anything that slowly attempts to kill any hope of success. These afflictions are temporary because this life is temporary. Scripture quotes: 'there is a time for everything,' -Ecclesiastes 3:1, along with 1 Peter 1:24. Let's be honest, those times SUCK! I wanted to end my writing with that today, yet there is always a silver lining, a shimmer of destiny, that unexplainable joy that sneaks a smile upon your face. For me, last night, it was hearing my best friend's voice that I haven't heard in months, she listened as I wept. She displayed kindness and empathy, most importantly she picked up the phone and I discovered that I didn't need a shoulder, I just needed a soul. A soul to listen to my tribulations, to comfort me with a listening ear. I needed to know I didn't have to carry the burden by myself. She said “we will get through this life.” I kept apologizing, saying “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” I was ashamed I needed help, I needed another soul to tell me “it's okay to be real.” You see, this storm I'm going through and not around, is not a punishment, its preparation. I have NO idea for what it is preparing me for, but having a friend remind me that Jesus strength is greater than our storm(by just listening) gave me comfort in my desperation. “Come,” a simple word that means: to move toward, reach a destination, arrive by movement or progress, as in due course, and reach a state or condition. This little four letter word was what Jesus used to tell the disciples to follow him that changed the course of their lives forever. Jesus told the sick to “Get up” when he would heal them. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28

733 Baptisms, July 31, 2014, My oldest son was among them. 

It isn't a coincidence that in order for healing or progress to take place that Jesus used words that involved some sort of action to be made. Come, Get Up, simple, yet with one step or movement it created advancement for the people that trusted him and made the decision to take action. To move beyond the trial/storm you are in, it is required of you to GET UP and COME. You may or may not forget where you were when you were hit by the storm, but walking through it and hearing God's voice(whether it be through scripture, that still small voice, or a friend's audible voice on the phone or in person) telling you to “get up” or “come” will alter and shift your life permanently. The effects can usually be along the lines of: healing, destiny, direction, purpose-driven, prepared, peaceful, gained wisdom, and understanding hope truly exist. Do it, walk through it, and pray to be brave!