Every minute is full of purpose....

Today, was one of those days....you know when you are running from one place to another and time is of the essence. I rushed out of aerial class early to do a massage at a spa, when I arrived I was waiting at the door of the spa and couldn't believe the owner wasn't there yet. I was also wondering "WHERE are the clients?" I noticed the cleaning lady in front of one of the hotel rooms, I sparked up a conversation and she happened to be from Jamaica. I asked her if she had children, she did, a 2 and 6 year old. She then explained they were back home in Jamaica, 4 months out of the year she works in the states. FOUR MONTHS, I tried for my eyes to not get weary and full of tears. She asked me if I had children and then we both had to get back to work. I decided to leave since I hadn't heard from anyone and had another massage at another spa an hour later. When I got to my car I looked at my text, OMG, I WAS AT THE WRONG SPA! Two of the spas I help out at have owners with the same names! I totally fudged on that one, where I was really supposed to be was 2 miles away. I rushed over to the other spa and learned to put different labels for these ladies in my phone, so it won't happen again! I felt so bad about it until I just woke up at 3am understanding what really happened yesterday. The universe, God, (however you want to put it) allowed me to not take notice of the exact person in that text because he knew I needed to meet Dorrine. It didn't matter that the rest of my day was totally thrown off and I arrived perfectly on time and not a minute earlier to everything else I was scheduled for. It was a holy encounter for me to meet Dorrine, the mother from Jamaica. You see ever since my children started staying with their father more I've fought this deep pain of not having them with me as much. Even this past week they were supposed to be with me and because of certain circumstances they didn't come. When Dorrine told me 4 months I could of burst into tears, honestly, ALL week long I almost started crying: when I was teaching yoga, massaging clients, writing and illustrating my new children's book, pumping gas, waking up at 3am....you get the jist. I MISS MY CHILDREN! They are like the blood that is needed to run through my heart, basically giving my heart a reason to beat. So, when Dorrine told me 4 months she was away from her children, my heart ached, I knew an ounce of her pain. I needed Dorrine today, I needed to know I wasn't alone. I was reminded that I must cherish each moment more when my children are with me, I must make sure they know and feel loved immensely. I must be stronger and speak wiser, I must be mindful that every minute away from them makes every minute with them even more dear and full of gratitude. Thank you God, for loving me, my children, Dorrine, and her children. Thank you for yesterday and the days to come. I know each minute is a miracle, every encounter a holy encounter, and my heart is learning to remain grateful(even at 3am).

8 years ago today

8 years ago today was a Saturday. My father was dying, my husband at the time left me, and I was longing to be with my family. Having 4 children between the ages of 3-9 was a heavy load under the circumstances. The stress of losing the most stable person in our lives was weighing on everyone's emotions. Having happy, energetic children that didn't understand the sorrow running around was too much for the family to endure, so I was home letting my children be children. I remember calling and begging my ex to come watch the children, he refused and I will not bother to share where he was or write how his own hurting and anger reflected upon me....because that is his story to tell. I chose to ignore the verbal abuse at the time, I was wrapped in a whirlwind of pain watching my father prepare to leave this world.

Today, I am free to look back and understand that forgiveness offers everything I want. Today, I have accepted this as true. Today, I have received the gifts of God. And today, I am grateful where I stand, able to share my story and not be ashamed.

When everything seems to fall...

Sometimes I feel nothing. Like the air is too much to breath. Then, I come across something, like your old shirt and I instantly start crying. I remember how inspiring you were, how you always pushed through. You never gave up, you saw the best in everyone, and every morning you sought the one that gave us life. You persevered until your last breath. You made light of the darkest of situations, thank you for reminding me that everything will be ok. I miss you.