home

Home, such a small word with a huge definition. A dwelling place, habitation, shelter, point where you reside, residence, refuge, destination, goal, a person's native country, a principal base of operations, the place in which one's domestic affections are centered, house, apartment, family, household, and we've all heard that old familiar term: "home is where the heart is." This weekend I had the opportunity to visit some of my family, my father's twin brother and his wife. I explained my excitement through a post on my facebook page that read: "I LOVE family, so comforting and reassuring to rest within such a safe place....family." All I wanted was to feel loved and not seen as a hindrance or some sort of nuisance, where I could be entirely real, completely raw and just me. To be perceived as someone that belongs, remembering where I had come from, where my roots were and how I was established. Home is the original location where you are accepted no matter the cost of what you've done or have become. It's where you can settle and exist without judgement or fear. It really has no set ground, it simply could be a person that makes you feel at home.
Maybe at times, we as individuals appear nostalgic or come across as fungible? We don't always explore our value and that is an easy way to lose sight of home. I realized I needed to surround myself with home. Getting back to the basics and embracing an atmosphere of reassurance, confidence, and a dwelling where I can aspire to be.........me. When we are home, we are allowed to comprehend and visualize the truth. Occasionally, we get tangled up in the negative, the past, the pain, the lies that surround us when we lose sight of home. Yet, all we have to do is make one phone call or reserve one flight(or shoot, just do what I did - hop in your car and take off) and we can be right back at home. Home gives us the ambition to live and live wholeheartedly. Home is not here on earth, its our destination.

i miss u

I was standing up in worship on Sunday during church, it was Father's day. The kids and I made rice krispies for their dad, so I dropped them off early that they could celebrate. I hurried through the slow motion traffic of my town to church, the band 'Mercy Me' was leading worship. Then they sang the song, the song that made me bawl like a baby! The song my dad introduced me to about 8 years ago, the one I put on his Memorial dedication video. This is the song that made me desire to hide my head in shame by wrapping my forearms around my head. I didn't want anyone to know, not only that I miss my earthly father yet I miss my heavenly father. I cried, skipping my breath with tears. "I can only imagine," really? Why that song on that day? My first Fathers Day without my daddy. Almost a year has passed and I'm still completely feeling the depths of my dad being gone. I miss you, I miss the very essence of you. I will never be the same, life without you is different. Not only are we apart, but the distance between God and me appears too much. In reality He is with me, this very instant. Yet, as humans we separate ourselves from Him through sin. But, His grace saves me like a strong man pulling me out of drowning waters. He speaks, knowing I desperately yearn to be comforted. Continue to love me Lord, that I might experience your hunger to fulfill my joy.