it's been a month

yes, it's been a month since my wreck and i know nothing else than to be brutally honest. For one month i have been bumming rides for my kids to get to school, hitching rides to work that is 30 minutes away, and biking everywhere else. i hate complaining; a good friend of mine told me how i was complaining lately and the truth stung like an allergic reaction from a bee sting. i am tired, tired of asking, tired of working, tired of biking, tired. i don't like asking for help and i don't like feeling like someones charity case(prideful? maybe). i do not delight in I. i am not satisfied with I. Frankly, i want to tell I to get the hell out of here! People have been incredibly patient with me. Friends have sacrificed for me. Its funny how some of us see people struggling and easily instinctively lend a hand, yet when we are the ones that are fighting for hope -we cowardly shy away from the kind generosity extended by others. Almost like a dog that has been beaten for having had an accident on the floor and scared to come back into the house. We have not been beaten, yet we have been shaken. Shaken by life's unexpected hailstorms. This explains why I want to be quiet lately and wait, desperately attempting to cut out the selfish "I". Watching what has happened to Japan with its huge tragedies, my worries can not compare. Those that are suffering are terribly shaken, rocked to the point of no return. They are not dealing with hailstorms, they have been crashed over by a tsunami. A horrific pain that eats the soul of anyone standing in its path of destruction. What really is precious in your life? What matters most to you? Do you have that gift near you, that price-less son, daughter, mother, father, brother, sister, friend? It's not about the siuations, the unexpected hailstorms that will continue to sweep through as we live on this earth. It's about the tsunamis that knock us off our feet and wake us up to reality, what really matters most. My relationships with the ones I love consist of a substance that can not be replaced. This, I can take to the grave with me. I am done, done with "I." Welcome joy, welcome reconciliatinon! Laughter, love, brokeness, amazing comfort. Here it comes.