Soooo good

I was on my way to work Friday and looked up:

"I see the beauty of the sky, knowing how you cause the clear blue decorated with lines of puffed dreams streaming across the horizon, I feel my heart lifting, overwhelmed with love. Witnessing the birds flying in perfect formation as an amazing, un-captured picture, I cry with joy accepting this unspeakable emotion. Lord, thank you, your love for me leaves me in wonder of HOW such a Saviour as thee embraces a ruthless sinner like myself. You are my only truth, my ONLY source of peace. My steady hope that keeps me through every venture of this journey."

I visited a friend's church, where they are helping to start up in town, this past Sunday morning and I was encouraged. During worship there was this really cool song that just said it like it is. It literally had the words...."like a big sloppy wet kiss". It made me all giggly inside and it was like Jesus was right there. People weren't going crazy, hardly anyone was even lifting up their arms...they were just singing intimate words to their Savior. A rush of peace and strength poured over me and I it was like God was assuring me that my weaknesses as a mother and a wife could be changed. My ugly garments of impatience, poverty, pride, pessimistic spirit and selfishness were throwing me all over the place. Yet, at that moment- Jesus washed me in purity, gathered me up in His spirit of love and it was as if the room was full of GRACE and MERCY. Every single child of the King was in His presence. We were still and He was with us.

I don't mean to scare anybody. I just can't help but want to feel that way 24/7. My God is EVERYTHING to me.
There are times when I realize I'm yelling at my kids because 20 million things are going on in one moment and all 4 of them are demanding my attention....it is SO easy to lose it. To just scream, "QUIET!" (or worse). Then I don't feel anything, but ugly. So, when I shut myself in a room and weep because I am not there yet.....the perfect mom, the best wife (which I have come to believe DOES NOT EXIST).....I'm not in the place where I need to be -in God's grip. I open my eyes and refresh my mind back to worship. Letting my heart yearn for Him, recalling Him, desiring Him, because I'm imperfect and He is SOOOOOO GOOD! He knows me, inside out, outside in! He squeezes me and plants a BIG wet sloppy kiss on my forehead. He LOVES me and that makes me want to love my kids like He loves me. He loves me the way I need to love my husband! It is worth everything to KNOW such a creator as ours.