When do you stop?

So, when do you stop caring? Is there an appropriate time in your life that you stop caring for someone? Especially when this person has hurt you over and over again? I really don't know how to answer this one, because of who I am. I am not the type of person that gets burned easily. I play with the heat, I find it entertaining, discovering all its benefits (how it happens, functions, grows, dies, etc). Which is why I find it so challenging when I get burned because I learn to appreciate something about the fire or the person that reminds me God created this for some apparent reason. I watch it for quite some time, then allow my hands to warm up.....eventually my arms, torso, legs and feet are found enjoying the heat. Then it happens, I'm toasty. I feel completely warm and fuzzy all over. Within the snap of a flicker, I hear a "POP!" I start crying because - what do you know: I'm burned, my skin is stinging and I am in pain. Now, what do I do? I jump up and down, shout out how much pain I'm in, then start to run cool water over the burn. The throb is real, the scar is forever embedded on my skin and I am left thinking how and why did I allow this to happen? This occurs the same as the people in my life. I give them access to see me for who I really am and take pleasure in the warm, tingling sensations throughout my soul anticipating their presence. I'm not awaiting the discomfort, yet the flicker begins and the first degree burn hits me unexpectedly. I'm hurt by someone that I acquiesced passage into a doorway of my life. Then, as if the first degree burn wasn't enough, I act as if I'm resilient in more ways than one and grant permission to love AGAIN the people that tend to have an incurable history of burning bridges. So, not only do I end up with second and third degree burns, my awareness is heightened to the point of filtering everyone to where I come across as numb. These people require attention that I, alone, will never be capable of providing. There is an approach to reach out to them, but it is not for the faint of heart. I still believe -no matter how hard it gets, no matter who has enabled suffering into your life and through the sorrows we bear -that we are not to encounter vibes of elimination. I have committed horrible actions in my life, I am unworthy of anything good, yet God's perception of me is full of hope, full of grace, full of LOVE. This is why I love, why I get burned, why I trust that I can fall into a million pieces in His lap and identify with ALL mankind. So, when do I stop caring? I don't, my Lord has never given up on me. Why would I give up on you, He NEVER will? His love is enough, He laid His life down to prove it. I'm still here, scars and all. The numbness eventually dissipates and I am ready to love again. I am only strong because He has shown me His strength through all the layers of skin I have had burned. I'm forever weak and afraid, yet there is comfort in standing up after every burn knowing others have felt the flames too.

Who will love me for me?

What does love really mean, as I hear this song I contemplate whether I stand in faith or confusion. This may sound crazy, but at times I get suspicious and frustrated that I am too friendly. Do I stand my ground or am I allowing people to take advantage of me? I love smiling and birthing laughter in other faces, yet when I tend to open my heart to let my Creator shine through....its as if I become some sort of a target.
I walked into church this morning and could not, for the life of me, stay. It was Mother's day and I let my spirit be captured, against its will to find that I was caring about others judgement of me. So, hearing this song that repeats over and over, "Who will love me for me? Nobody has shown me what love really means." I exhaust myself with tears, all my life I have lingered and rested my head on His chest. Lately, not so much. Who will love me, not for what I have done or what I will become? Only one can, his name is Jesus. I am independent because I was blessed to have an incredibly strong mother. I do not ask for help and I always find ways to make ends meet. Yet, my faith feels thin. My belief is weary of his chest. I am terribly lonely and want a love that loves me for me. As of right now, I will sit and hope for love. To see it in others, to not be so friendly, to escape from here and now. I ask who is a free person? The one who is interested in liberating himself or herself from self-made bondage. It is completely in our hands whether to be bound or free. It is within my journey whether I will choose to love me for me and allow others to do the same.

yada yada

Life is challenging
Some make it
Some fake it
There are those of us....that just barely survive
Keep on, keeping on!

All I thought, was a lie

Yes, it seems I have misplaced my self-esteem. I don't think I really had it in the right place to begin with. I took for granted the things God has blessed me with. I let my heart be trampled on because I trusted lies. My world was shaken and I saw things through foggy glasses. I misread what truly was there. Beauty is what was before me, yet I saw a worthless, insufficient and useless piece of the puzzle. How amusing that my mind played games as if I was defective. It is not enough to see myself as invaluable or for someone to take so little account of me. We are priceless, whether you like it or not we are created in God's image. We can deface others or have people treat us less than what we are worth.....BUT how does that honor the creator? When we mock others or laugh at our insecurities what does that say of our trust in Him? Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT settle. The world and its enticing dreams will fade away, it will only last for a while. Then what is to become of us? It is so easy to be distracted, yet only God can restore us....bringing us to his lap for rest. All I thought was a lie, I saw ugly....he saw lovely, I saw disappointment...He saw grace, I saw hurt....he saw hope. I am of incredible worth, I belong to Him! He created me in His image, one that is pure, brilliant, and unique. Let Him remodel your thoughts so that the lies will cease and you may accept what is honestly there reflecting in the mirror before you.