Closets

Closets, my earliest memory is hiding in my closet. I was terrified, I didn't want to be found. I would grab my crayons, so that I could draw a safe place on the walls. Later to be scolded by mother & father. It was as if my intuition, at 3 years old, knew of the wardrobe from the chronicles of Narnia was real. It was the only escape I knew. Flash forward, to my daughters closet in her room, she was not even a year old. There I was again, hiding. This time I knew it was for my life. I was shaking, praying you wouldn't find me. Then my youngest son spotted me, he had just turned 3 & decided talking wasn't his thing. I looked at him nervously taking my index finger to place over my lips, motioning "shhhh", he looked at me with his beautiful face and cracked a smile, then walked away to pick up a toy. I sighed a bit of comfort for his silence. Next, I heard your heavy footsteps frantically stomping throughout the house, slamming doors, and shouting in your angry voice: "you think this is funny?!?" I climbed to the top shelf of the closet, piled clothes & baby blankets on top of me as I held my breath. You stepped into the closet, I was frozen, you turned and walked away headed out of the room, relief washed over me as I remained hidden in the closet.

Unbearable

When life takes away your only cherished moments, unspeakable pain overcomes you. Unbearable sorrow swallows you up and you weep because that is all your body will allow you to do.....I know I'm supposed to be strong, yet today I cannot. I cannot put on a grin or cover my face, I am gasping for air through these tears. Everything has been stripped away from me. The most precious gifts ever entrusted to me are gone. I can't watch them while they sleep or hug them when they wake. Help them off to school or make them their favorite meal. I miss my heart, it walks around outside my chest in four pieces. I am completely crushed and am supposed to start fresh....it feels like I have been shamed for a crime I did not commit. ALL I ever wanted to be was your mother.

Grieving 2016, so I can enjoy 2017

When you grieve, sometimes God places people in your life that help you cope. Grieving is a process, you experience many emotions, perhaps even anger. To feel grief is to understand great sorrow, mentally you are distressed. You ache and cry, ask why and this is all OKAY. The pain can feel unbearable, and there will be those that do not understand. It is a season, it won't last forever, yet it is important that we as humans walk through it. We can not live here, but we can grow from it. Allowing our hearts to meet our minds to discern that everything is temporary. Invest your time wisely, death and loss share with us the true fundamental values of life. What really holds worth, once you discover this....NOTHING else matters.