Waiting....

I will stay here and wait for you. I will rest my head upon the sand as I watch the waves wash over the footprints of those that claimed promises never kept. I let go....as I see them disappear. Water is healing, see how the rain brings life and washes over the earth. It is refreshing and nourishes everything it touches. My soul longs for this restoration, it needs comfort and a place to plant roots. Yet, all I've ever known from humans is the pain of being picked up as if a flower, admired for a few minutes then tossed back to the ground to be trampled upon. This is how I have come to the conclusion that we can not seek everlasting peace or experience complete acceptance here on earth. People will disappoint you, leave you, use you, curse you, manipulate you, hurt you, lie to you, and God knows what else. So, who am I waiting for? The only one that loves me of course, who sees me for who I truly am and still pursues me. I am never alone, through every storm, every trial, every time I fall down....he is here with me. I will sing, worship, give my heart, lay my life down because HE IS WORTHY! He created me and reigns forever, I love him and WAIT for him. He is the only one that continues to hold me together through it all. This hope is my strength and my joy. Nothing can separate me from his love. I fear nothing because fear alone is False Evidence Appearing Real. The tangible is temporary. Isn't it amazing that the first breathe we take coming into this world is an inhale, receiving life, and the last breathe we take dying is an exhale, giving life. Closing note: I no longer live in fear, I no longer feel your painful words or attempts of humiliation because I AM worthy, I AM strong. I AM NOT AFRAID! I see glory that this world has no clue about, I long to be where I belong and look upon the face that I love. To stay in the presence of God is the biggest adventure of all.

Breaking free

This heart is pounding, this spirit is bursting, beyond the walls of this temple, freedom to soar past the physical, into the unknown....as if it comforts me! No longer able to be held back, stepping into the true nature of my entire being. I've never felt so compelled to taste this irresistible space.

Life or voo doo?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Does that sound familiar? Although we hear that line in movies, it rings true in all our lives.  I think my therapist is the only person that believes me when I tell him what happens to me on the daily. People in the past have told me: "It's just life Kara", "You're doing something wrong", " What is it now? You expect me to believe that?" "Get over it Kara, it's all in your head." "You are creating this because we create our own reality." "You're drama! And I don't do drama!" Sounds harsh, right?
I will say this, if I'm creating what goes down on the daily....I AM one fu$#ed up reality show hostess! Falling down my brick stairs taking boxes to a friend, brand new lawn mower breaking, my year old car needing $1088.00 worth in repairs to make it safe to drive again(after already replacing this 2011 car's alternator & battery less than 6 months ago), my computer crashing, phone breaking, court papers served, hitch hiking, stranded to sleeping in my car, sprained ankle, bicycle accident tearing up my other leg, and ALL that happening within the past week. For some reason I have constant adversity and legit reasons to justify a mental breakdown. If I leave an hour early to be on time, you betcha the whole closet is going to fall on my head, road construction happening on the route I take, and someone pulls out in front of me causing my coffee to decorate the whole front end of my car(true story, can't make this stuff up)! Is it really just my luck, or has someone created a Kara voodoo doll to torture my reality? I'm sure those with cancer, people in abusive situations, those living paycheck to paycheck feel the same way asking: 'will it ever get better?'  I may have spent the past six years living through a custody battle from hell, losing my best friend to cancer, dealing with childhood trauma(molestation), learned to walk away from verbal abuse, raise 4 children alone, been homeless, and God forbid I share more......yet I keep on keeping on! I wake up determined to be covered in joy! Not because someone told me to, yet because I CAN and I CHOOSE to. Don't get me wrong, the counselors I've been to  over the years, have told me "Most people would not be able to handle what you've lived through, they would have given up." So, instead of giving up, I have written a book, worked five jobs at one time, opened a yoga studio, created amazing memories with my children, help build a team of amazing people in Network Marketing, and fulfill my life long dream of visiting Africa. It hasn't been easy, yet I didn't do it alone. God has surrounded me with incredible people. Life is not guaranteed to be perfect or easy, we are only born with an opportunity to do our best no matter the mess we may have been thrusted into. Learning how to love through the mud and mire, unveiling gratitude instead of having an attitude, discovering that we can be the change and not the derranged. No matter what happens, understand that we all have battles to conquer. My challenge to you is to be positive by choosing victory through kindness, patience, love, gentleness, joy, peace, and realizing it starts with you. We have this incredible gift of intuition when we are born, knowing what we were born to do. Let's get back to being kids again, because when you're a kid and fall down, you get right back up.

Scripture....

Tonight, the kids & I were reading the book of Mark in the Bible. Mark 2:17 always stands out quoting:
'When Jesus heard that, he said to them, "Healthy people don't need a doctor; those who are sick do. I've come to call sinners, not people who think they have God's approval."

I relate to this scripture so much. I don't do well hanging out with those that feel they have God's approval or appear to have it all together, they believe they have the right to scream at others because they don't have control over them, or treat me as if I will never live up to their standards and must earn their respect.... They forget people are human, that ADHD, ADD, any minor or major mental challenges exist. Life doesn't come with a trailer(preview button). We can't predict what will happen or the crazy misfortunes that will occur. There are those that have limited minds, they can't see past their own suffering & pain. They project their anger and guilt onto others, justifying their poor decisions & actions. This doesn't settle well with me at all, so I choose boundaries. I only open up to those that admit their flaws, share their weaknesses, and don't wear mask. Many do not know they are sick, as they bleed all over everyone else's beds. Jesus came to heal, when we are ready, he will.