It's ok to be hapi....

Kleenex, I ALWAYS make sure to have a box in my house. You never know if someone might sneeze, get sick, have a runny nose, or let out tears that no longer belong within them. This morning after I took kids to school I was planning on working, making phone calls, texting, setting up appointments, making business proposals, you get my drift. When I walked into my office/bedroom/yoga room I sat down on a green yoga mat my mother bought from me when I owned a yoga studio 5 years prior. I borrowed it and realized how much I enjoyed practicing on it, haven't given it back since. So, yes, I stole my mom's yoga mat.
As I began sorting through some papers, then glance over social media, I stopped and closed my computer. Tears rolled down my face as I spoke out loud to God. My mind decided it wanted healing, my soul declared justice, and my body was done with the shackles. Today my vessel was telling me to take the time to process, so it could experience complete joy. For so long I believed I was just a strong stubborn woman, never asking for help because I was totally capable. Yet, that wasn't true, I was scared. I was fearful of being taken advantage of again, or being hurt by someone that I trusted. The walls I built up since I was 3-5 years old are starting to shake as if an earthquake is occurring. The time is now to heal from not only the pain, yet the interpretations I set throughout my life from the damage that came about at such a young age. For too long I perceived that I was unworthy, or I didn't deserve happiness, my comprehension was that of shame, disgrace, and concealing my true self because no one would accept me. All of this because someone wasn't whole, his conclusion was to prey upon innocent children. I do not blame him nor hold resentment towards him, that would only poison me and continue to disrupt my course of existence. I meant what I said in a previous post, "I choose to forgive, so that I might live." In this moment I take action, one that tells that little girl from my youth: "It's okay to be hapi, you were submitting to authority, you didn't know. YOU ARE SO WORTHY! God made you beautiful and you don't have to hide that." Now, I need another box of Kleenex.

Rest easy, have no fear
I love you perfectly and perfect love drives out fear
I'll take your burden, you take my grace
Rest easy in my embrace

Read 1 John 4:4-21