Anxiety

The other day, my husband and children went for a short trip to Charlotte to visit his grandmother for her birthday. I had to stay behind and work. I was fine with that until they were in the van and about to pull out of the drive way. It might have been all the ER episodes that I recently watched, yet none the less my heart started to feel heavy and beat faster. Everything in me wanted to scream “Don’t go!” I felt anxious and nervous, the only precious gifts that are in my possession were leaving me for the day. I could not understand this feeling, they have traveled without me before. I was scared and tired, I didn’t want to be alone. I needed time to myself, even if it was just for a short evening after work. Yet, I like to feel in control of things….especially my children. This is when I realized: “of course I am not in control.” I am never in control, I like to think that I am (along with millions of other people). BUT(there’s always a but), the only one IN control is the Creator. I can lead my life how I choose and make decisions on what I feel will be best. When it comes to others….I do not control them. My children watch me, this is how I can INFLUENCE, yet not control. Could you imagine if we controlled people, we would be nothing but puppets(big corporations/capitalism, hehehehe)? The hardest choices in life are the ones we make ‘in the moment’….how we re-act to the circumstances in seconds of the action. Did I respond right, what have I done to influence the lives around me? The eyes I do not see or feel watching me, how have I inspired or polluted them? Am I painting life through a dirty window glass for them or am I giving them a chance to see the world through a clear, clean perspective? Anxious am I?
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6-7