"When life hands you shit, fertilize a garden."

I'm reading my best friend's, since 7th grade, book titled: 'The Sense About Madness'. It is one of the most well written books I've ever read. It is a raw look at child abuse, sexual violence, and mental illness. I recommend it not just for those that have walked through any similar experience, and not just for those that have loved ones dealing with the above yet, I recommend it to EVERYONE. Alyssa's strength and amazing insight baffles my soul. I have always been honored to be her friend, and now fully understand why God had us link arms. I am posting a link below where you can purchase it for $10.  
Reading this book really hits home for me. Alyssa is married and has been through hell and back dealing with a childhood trauma. Reading how she allowed herself to be open to love, discover a man that loves her and stands by her through it all ripped a worn out, dirty, infected band aid off my severed, bruised heart. I thought for so long that I could cover up my wounds with bandages as if no one would notice. Abuse is real, childhood trauma is real. Too often innocence is stripped away from precious little ones leaving them to feel as if they are unwanted and uncontrollable damaged goods. Lost in life and fighting to breath, I know this because it happened to me. I pretended to remember growing up when my family got together and laughed about old times, yet my mind blocked out most of my childhood. I am not sure if it was a coping mechanism or a way the brain works to protect us from trauma, but I win the award for childhood amnesia. Flashbacks started occurring in my 30s, as they did, I really didn't want to remember. Unfortunelty, statistics state that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18. How has this affected me? Well, it sure as hell didn't help me learn to establish healthy relationships, aka....the big D- Divorce. Before I married in 1999, I hated men. Didn't matter if they were a good guy or not. Only person I trusted was my dad. Marrying so young was not in my best interest. He wasn't patient, kind, or understanding. He was just your typical 23 year old self absorbed dude, just as I was the typical 23 year old hot-tempered, thought I'd "fallen in love" girl. It was miserable, over the course of 10 years I came out of that marriage more confused and verbally torn down as a human being than ever before.

"When life hands you shit, fertilize a garden." -Alyssa K. Vine Hodge

I never let my husband of my youth in, how could I? I unconsciously blamed my predator from my past, deciding the walls that I put up were going to protect me. What I didn't know then was by doing that I only attracted more predators. This is deep, I have to take a break now......maybe more later? I have a garden to tend to. Need healing, understanding, or just an amazing read? Here you go:

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FThe-Sense-About-Madness-Violence%2Fdp%2F0692482261&h=EAQGUL82Z