What are you afraid of.......(warning: strong language and rabbit trail rantings)

What drives you? What drives me? Damn I wish I knew, the more I don't fulfill what I was put on this earth to do....the more complacent I become. Every day I lose more and more momentum of the truth that supposedly resides within me. I work hard to focus, yet do you know what a freaking challenge it is for someone like me to leave my house? This ADHD with OCD chic knows the struggle is fer real! I can easily get entangled into one of my stories, of a book I'm working on, starting from the end working towards the beginning.....seriously. I might get excited about a song I'm listening to so, I HAVE to get up and dance! This isn't a cycle, because I either decide to be completely threaded into the creation of whatever it is that I'm working on and forget food can be energy, OR I end up SO hungry that all I do is eat and watch old SNL clips, as I crunch and munch. Another wonderful piece of me is how EVERYTHING has to be in its place before I walk out the door, this drives my kids cray cray. I don't blame them, I frustrate myself by not arriving on time to certain events as well as always burning something while I make breakfast, lunch, or dinner. It is only by God's grace my house hasn't burned down from me forgetting the oven is on. My kids are better cooks than me, unless its baking birthday cakes, I ROCK those! Perhaps its due to the fact that I have four kids which gave me so much practice(a birthday for every season).

Alright already, here goes what I'm really writing about this fresh February evening. BTW, I'm FREEZING! Less body fat got me like an old person's teeth chattering during an earthquake. I wanted to address some ridiculous comments that have come from the fact that I dated younger men over the past few years. One, it is my choice so, your opinion isn't necessary. Two, you do you, I'll do me. Three, IF YOU EVER READ the BIBLE....age between most of the couples were NOT even close(10, 20, 30, 40 years apart, ewe, haha). Finally, that is your stump, not mine, so shut up and stop trying to convince me otherwise. I like younger men, its not a big deal. I'm super athletic and lots of people have a difficult time keeping up with me, even my own children. Old dudes creep me out, being molested as a little girl by an old man doesn't justify anything, but it also doesn't help. 

Dead silence, was that too much? Oh well, such is life. Shit happens, but even better...JOY is tangible. What am I afraid of? I am trying to figure it out. In the meantime, I seek joy. I get really tickled about the little things, you know, when the line at the grocery store is empty, when a friend calls you to say 'hello', or how about when you fill up the car with gas and its super cheap, waving to people walking on the side of the road, watching little kids faces light up when they get dessert, laughing -anytime this occurs- its awesome(just saying), and smelling the ocean. I get thrilled easily, I don't need a roller coaster or alcohol, because there are so many beautiful moments in life to acknowledge. Grasp on to the precious seconds now, tomorrow may be too late. Let nothing stop you from seeing the little sparkles that make the corners of your mouth 'turnt' up. Tell fear to go back to where it came from, hell, because that is where it belongs and not inside of us.