You Got Mail....

I was cleaning out my email accounts this evening, shuffling through the 1000's of wasted space until I came across some drafts I wrote and logged because I didn't know where to store the memories at the time. As I read them, all I could do was say, "wow!" No wonder I have childhood amnesia and don't recollect much over the past 20 years. When I journal the things that have happened to me or were said, its like my brain goes into forget mode. I started crying reading the horrible things that were spoken and am in awe of God's grace. I am so grateful I am where I am today. I have loved others despite the pain, I thought I was being like Christ yet, I was just allowing others to bring me to a place of shame. Unspeakable hate projected, now I see why I was so sad and to this day scared to really try to remember much of the past.
After I finish this children's series I'm currently working on, I will be summing up my auto-biography. It will be the most challenging work I will ever accomplish because it will most likely feel like I'm reliving it all over again. I will have a pen name, in honor to protect the ones I love. I'm literally sobbing right now because some words should never be said, cruel and hurtful things all because people are miserable from their own prison. I am an exception, my light, my heart, my joy still glows. If it wasn't for God's unfailing love, I wouldn't be alive today. I'm honored to be here and forever learning grace and hope.

Here is the start of something I came across, sneak peek of a piece of my past......
"It has all happened so fast! My head won't stop spinning, yet among the amazing turn of events, I'm lonely. My heart is beating, yet blood seems to stream from my soul. God, I'm scared, I need you and my mind keeps telling me you're not with me. You are yet, why do I question."