Can I even do this?

I can't really express what I truly want to say. If I did many would be of grave concern. I want to breathe, yet through the tears I am stumbling to. It is intensely hard to live and live fully when you are searching for light and hope. There will always be someone acting vindictive towards you or pushing you away as if you are used toilet paper. Life is not easy! Life is HARD and if it wasn't it wouldn't be worth living. My father fought to the very end of his life, he fought to breathe, he fought to smile, he fought to live and live as joy to all he met. He did not boast of his troubles to everyone around him. He shared by listening and doing.
I am tired, I feel so useless, yet I see my children and something buoys me to press on. I love them deeply and desire for them to see the very essence of God. The thing is, you might not find God in a church or places where people go searching for him. We find him in the heart of the broken, in the lives of those that have lost everything and surrender, having discovered his undeniable grace.
I will NOT share the pain I've been through or the rough times I plow through, because in those moments I would cry out for God: to heal me, to save me, to let me know that everything was going to be okay, that I would survive, that I wouldn't be alone, that I would be comforted.
We will face trials throughout our lives, I do not know how it will all panel out.....I just know that even with a dying sentence my father pressed on. I know people that have been through hell(physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), it's a mystery to me at times how they cope. Here's the thing, when we suffer, he suffers. When our hearts ache, he is right there aching with us. I don't always understand why, but Abba loves us unconditionally -no matter what. I just know that I need that.
That's what my dad knew too. He knew people needed to see and feel God, so he listened and gave what he could through his time, through his work, through his obedience to God by listening to others and genuinely caring. Can I do this? Can I even attempt to pick myself off the floor, from my self-pity and selfish puddle of tears? I HAVE to, this life is worth it. My children deserve to know the truth. That love exists.