I Ran

Today I went for a run, I decided to try to break my 25 minute three mile.....so I was speeding & pushing. I started out on the treadmill then ended up in the cold outdoors (with shorts on), to finally finishing on the indoor track. I literally was dragging my feet afterwards because I ran my 3 miles in 22.5 minutes! Its my new shoes, it has to be!
During the run I began to cry, I know whah-whah, I'm a crybaby. I couldn't stop. I felt as if I was beating my body up due to pushing myself so hard. Isn't it crazy how we abuse ourselves & act as if its ok? So many of us are in pain & suffering, yet we deceive our minds and pretend if we try harder or push just enough we will be better, feel better.
We make choices, imagining only the best, then end up with scars. I started to cry during my run today because I saw how God sees me. I saw a young used, abused, confused and worn out lady, but HE still wants me! He said my name and that's all he had to do, because his tone was in love. The torture I put myself through because of my selfish thoughts, he still cared, he still remained. I ran, from Him. I was ashamed and knew I didn't deserve His mercy. Yet, He pursued me. He knew I would eventually fall from all the stones. Stones of rejection and wrath, stones that were created by words from people that can not hide their ignorance. No matter what the stones were made out of or who they were thrown by, He was ready to catch me. He was there to pick me up, so that I might not drag my beaten body and broken spirit. He has this power that no one else can compare to, where his heart is more than enough to hydrate me when I am completely depleted. I cried knowing that if I had surrendured sooner, the bruises would have been healed by now. My Saviour loves me NOW, this very moment, every moment. He waits for us, waits along side of us, until we let him in to restore our joy. Trust Him, not me.....I'm just crying because I can see Him running TO me and not from me.