Today I am packing, packing my clothes, packing my kids toys, packing up my belongings that are scattered throughout the house. I've been in this house for a year and a half, moved here when my husband and I separated and my dad passed away in 2009. It is not just any house to me its the home where I grew up. My father and mother moved out in 2006, after 24 years dwelling here they finally bought their last home together. So, moving into this house was a comfort and a heartache at the same time. My mother extended a gracious hand to me and my children allowing us to gain some ground after the rough several years of transition. As of now, I am scared, lonely, and wishing for my knight in shining armor to rescue me. Knowing this will never happen, reality has set in. I am contemplating torn feelings of excitement and intimidation, from a new beginning in a new home with different memories to be composed, compared to fond flashbacks of precious childhood moments recaptured in my mind that somehow continue to hit the replay button. I need to move on, I am leaving a place of what appears to be so secure (I'm not moving far, I'll be in the same town), yet relinquishing the shelter that consoles my soul in my father's death is a huge endeavor. There are people who constantly tell me to "get over it, your dad is in a better place, move on Kara." That only makes me want to scream "I CAN'T HELP IT! I MISS HIM!" Ever feel the need to run and hide? That's what I want to do when I hear those bogus words from these heartless idiots! Well, that's only my fleshly emotions being verbalized, they really aren't heartless and they really aren't stupid. These people are concerned and maybe want the best for me, but I sense that only time will allow these wounds to scar. As of now, I do not need salt poured onto the recurring open wounds. To put it plainly, I have to grow, it is a fresh season in my life. I may not desire to move but, I need to. There are things we go through in this world because it helps us to become fully who we are. God have mercy on me for not having the rebound or recovery status as that of a touch of a refresh button on a PC. I have to heal, reach restoration, which means there is a process of mourning, nourishment and invigorating maturation.
p.s.
All background data & information pertaining to Kara's post is not published to protect the creditability of those that Kara dearly loves. She refuses to expose, bring to light others faults and weaknesses. Acclaiming she has more than enough for everyone!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Moving is difficult, but moving from a home that has so many memories must be even tougher. Healing from your dad's death will be a journey that may take months, years, or the rest of your life. I'm so sorry people have been so insensitive to you in suggesting you just get over it. They obviously are pretty dang clueless. My mom died of cancer 5 years ago and I still cry about missing her sometimes. It seems like each year brings a new revelation to me on grief, healing, and maintaining my happy memories of her. Give yourself some much needed credit for making it this far and still being such an incredible and loving woman! You've had a heck of a lot going on the past two years! You're in my prayers. Love you. Heather
ReplyDelete