Their Whole World is Changed: The Effects of Divorce on Children

“SHUT UP! MOM IS BEING NICE! WE WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TO THE PARK IF YOU KEEP RUNNING THROUGH THE AISLES!” Luke screamed as the tears rolled down his face. Not only was he angry at his brothers and sister for not listening to their mother, he was frustrated with feelings he couldn't describe. He was hurting; his emotions were all over the place. A simple trip to the grocery store was like a pilgrimage to the Ganges River from Bombay. Yet, his journey was not alone. Luke had two brothers and one sister that he loved dearly but, he could not control them. Four small children between the ages of ten and four were tired, confused and overwhelmed with a sense of loss. The loss of a family, loss of comfort, and a loss of hope that their parents would ever get back together.
Sadly enough over sixty percent of divorces have children. Many people claim how the children are the innocent bystanders that have to suffer their parents creation of a destructive family. There are arguments of why the family should stay together or, why they need to separate. Whatever the reason from adultery, financial status, domestic violence, or sexuality indifference; divorce happens. It is unfortunate for children to experience such hardship, yet thousands upon thousands go through this pain every year. Children of divorced families plow through perceptions of insecurity, instability, loneliness, sensing neglect and acting as if they have been abandoned.
The effects of divorce upon children can be harsh. Reactions occurring through means of hostility justifying the child's outlet for his/her emotions. Some choose to lash out at their parents, friends or strangers. Others suppress their anger or apprehensions of blame and fault. Children are torn in their minds believing they have to decide between the two parents. Tangibly being pulled; not understanding what has happened and wondering where they belong.
Marriage represents oneness and unity. When broken, as if a favorite piece of china has been shattered onto the ground. The surroundings change abruptly and if not cleaned up or somehow put back together; it can lead to shards of glass cutting away at the life that was familiar. Everyone's world is changed forever when this happens. Negative and positive effects can play out.
A child's self esteem could be at risk as they desperately look for direction during this transitional season. Asking serious questions, maybe even saying “Who will love me, for me?”
A sense of belonging is what these children need to survive as their world is turning upside down. Some parents fear that their children will hate them or possibly lose them to the other parent. Children might learn to manipulate the parents into getting what they want(such as a new toy or just having their way). Most parents desire to ease the child's pain and lead them to a successful transition.
Divorce is not easy on children. Adults that have walked through it as a child know. They have compassion for the ones new to the pilgrimage. There is an awareness and strength that these children will come out with when its all said and done. A mountain they will have climbed and not even realized it until they reach adulthood. The longing for completeness(a wholeness that brings comfort) is stirred up in them at an early age, yet they are a bit wiser. Young and searching: for wisdom, longing for acceptance.