Finding Joy: Fall or Fail

Have you ever started something and then realized you REALLY didn't want to do it in the first place? Yet, when you finally finished and accomplished the goal you set out to do....you felt a sense of achievement? Well(deep subject- I know), a few weeks ago I went biking in the mountains, please understand that I haven't really worked out consistently for approximately 10 months now. Translation: I haven't been on a bike since it was my only mode of transportation a year and a half ago and when I used to teach cycle classes at McLeod Health and Fitness 2 years prior.

My sweet friend was so excited that I agreed to go biking with him on the trails of Pisgah National Forest that he bought me these new stylin' and profilin' bike shoes! We already biked on the roads the day before -down & UP the mountain, approximately 12 miles, no big deal right? Yeah, it wasn't until I was going so fast that I was too scared to stop! I screamed and shouted, letting it all out(thank you Will-i-am and Britney). Anywho, I thought if I could handle the roads, riding trails would be a cake walk; boy was I ever WRONG!

As we were climbing 1000 feet up on the bikes through rocks and unstable ground, I was out of breath and struggling to peddle. As I was dying, gasping for air, I thought it was impossible to go on. I screamed out loud, things I won't repeat yet, at that time felt necessary.

I told Lanier to go ahead of me because I knew I was holding him back. Truth was: I was exhausted and wanted to stop, as I did I began to cry and didn't want him to see me in my moment of weakness. I was mad at myself for not keeping in shape consistently over the past year and angry that I let myself believe that I couldn't go on. Then I realized there was more to my current circumstance than the physical aspect of climbing up a mountain. It went deeper than my muscles working, my emotions were stirring and fear was present. I came close to an edge of part of the trail and imagined falling.

My heart was racing and tears flowed like a waterfall. I didn't want to fall and get hurt, I didn't want to feel pain or break something. All I could think of was quitting. Seeing some of the drops from the trail I knew that death could be a possibility. Then a calm sensation came over me; was it me or God provoking thoughts of reassurance like: "What is the worse thing that could happen? You die, then what?" You see, I know when I leave this earthly body I will be with my Father in heaven, so what is there to be scared of? He's got me, if I fall, yeah, maybe I could break something or be scared for life. This comforted me because I was reminded how GINORMOUS my God is. No matter how sticky a situation gets and no matter what happens in my life I can stand on my rock, Jesus, and through his word I can grow stronger. My God is the same God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego whom he saved from the fire(Daniel chapter 3)! Do you know this?

Don't fall in love with money. Be satisfied with what you have. The Lord has promised that he will not leave us or desert us. That should make you feel like saying, “The Lord helps me! Why should I be afraid of what people can do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5, 6)

I am choosing to fear God and not man or anything in/on this earth because whatEVER comes while we are living here can't touch or even come close to what God has done and is doing! Trust me, I read da good book, I know who wins in the end! Reading the Bible and the stories of those before me I understand that there ain't no mountain high enough to keep me from Him!

What wakes me up the most is how unconscious I was because I was trying to do life alone. I didn't want to ask for help and attempted to be stubborn, yet I continually learn how weak I am, but praise God He is STRONG and He is my strength! It is very difficult when you do ask for help, get shot down, and must swallow your pride by again asking for more help. Noah didn't build the Ark in a day and the disciples asked Jesus questions non-stop, which reminds me how the word patience is written in the Bible more than one time. Waiting on God, not man......funny how God uses man to assist us in our patience learning process, huh? Sometimes, God sends us what or WHO we need to flourish.

So, YES.....I survived the 5 mile trail and came out with a few bumps and bruises, but most importantly my faith grew. The bruises remind of my pride and the challenging trail correlates with what we must endure to build our hope. I am humbled enough to know that I will fall and fail in this life, certainly not on purpose, yet I am secure in knowing I am not alone. I will forever have Jehovah~Shalom and Jehovah~Shammah with me, The Lord of Peace and The Lord my Companion.