Screw it, this is me....

Apparently, Thursdays are my writing days....I woke up, took the kids to school, planned on getting things done to find myself sitting in front of this damn computer that won't let me leave my bed. (Warning, strong language will be written.) I sit here contemplating if I should really write the things that my whole being screams or walk away and find some busy work to tend to. Screw it, this is me: Kara Christine Adams, aka raw to real writer, kick ass yogi, mother to 4 kick ass witty kids that have an amazing panoramic view towards life, personal trainer who will push you to your limits, author, entrepreneur, and one of the best massage therapist(healer) in the Pee Dee. It has taken me 20 years to say that out loud, my ego has been so fucked up all my life. Not conceiving that I was good enough. It was ridiculously silly of me to believe others perception of their own reality and NOT my own. The beauty of life is that we each get our own say on how we will live it. Fearfully and wonderfully created on purpose, every life is a gift that brings something to the table that no one else can on this earth. We should take joy in that alone. There is only one you, so live it as you uniquely were made to live it.

Guess what? On Mondays I trade massages with a friend, a really beautiful soul. It is one of the best decisions I make every week, a conscious choice to take care of my body, to treat this temple my spirit dwells in with respect. She does a lot of energy work, which can be very healing. This week she reminded me that my heart chakra was heavily guarded(duh, no one is getting in there!), my 3rd eye was fogged up(total stress from being a busy bee), and my throat chakra was not being vocal(not normal for this outspoken ladybug). Hearing that, I am taking the plunge to speak out my truth, knowing there will be haters and knowing I will be judged. I fully understanding that those that are not happy with themselves will find it fair to knock me down, point fingers, and attempt to dump their misery on me. I will not take it personal, because THAT is what I did in the past. With that out of the way, here are my truths I can no longer hold back:

I have no sex drive right now, I have completely submitted every area of my life to God and literally have no sex drive. To be clear, it was so strong, crazy strong. Being divorced for 6 years with a super strong sex drive is NOT easy. I struggled and thought to myself "Is this ever going to change?", turned out I just needed to COMPLETELY trust God. Our mind is a powerful tool, when we learn to create healthy habits and feed our minds with good food, knowledge, and using wisdom, then anything is tangible. Mind over matter really does exist! Forcing myself to commit to self development was a task, yet so worth it. What we focus on, we become. Habits can be stopped, negativity can be replaced with positivity, addictions can be broken, and reality is what scripture states: with God all things are possible. -Matthew 19:26. Faith is the unseen and can be unexplainable. Letting go of this imaginary control mode (where many humans believe they have the power to control the uncontrollable) is key to trusting God, being open to the fact that he wants the best for you and will make that happen is faith building.

Second truth....I have no clue what to do. I have these labels that are somewhat attached to me, yet I sometimes feel lost. The labels are not who I really am, they are just things I do. What am I really passionate about? What do I want to accomplish before death occurs? Am I living my utmost? These questions stalk me at times, not wondering aimlessly around in my head, but seriously pondering in my daily routine. How will this be solved? God, the universe, has already been telling me over and over again what to do. So, here is what I should do and the many confirmations, I opened an email a few days ago that read the following:

'I am releasing you from situations that are no longer beneficial to you.  You will know what I am referring to when you are able to see what causes stress in your life or makes you feel obligated.  I want you to be at peace with yourself, your environment and with Me, says the Lord.  I will show you the way out of places where you feel trapped or entangled.  Galatians 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.'

The following night I woke up to a dream where I saw myself sitting on my bedroom floor praying. I had several papers around me, that had options of what I should do. That morning I got another email:

'Refuse to get stuck in this in-between place of uncertainty.  You do not necessarily have to take giant steps in the face of the unknown, but you can take the next small step while still remaining cautious.  Above all, you can trust Me to give you wisdom and to direct your steps.  You are not alone, says the Lord.  Proverbs 16:9 A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.'

Last night my 15 year old son, out of nowhere started talking about some things, looked at me and said "Mom, you need to pray, ask God what direction you should take. Your whole life is ahead of you, you are young and still can do anything." I was baffled, he had no clue what I'm currently going through or the decisions I need to make. He just was being God's vessel and speaking the truth that was within him to speak. 

This morning I received another email that read:

'To those of you who do not know what to do or what your next step is, you must ask Me for guidance and direction.  And then, wait quietly for My leading, for surely I will move you forward as you yield to My will, says the Lord.  I will show you the way that will result in what is best for you long-term.  Trust Me.  Psalms 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.'

Now, excuse me as I have some one on one time to tend to with my maker. Catch you next week, I have a feeling this blog thing is going to be a regular pit stop for me.

Love, relationships, men, etc. etc.

Love, God is love. My dad showed that to me through my first several years of life. He taught me that love exist so strong as he loved my mother. I learned that stories throughout the Bible REALLY happened and how men should really act. Read to the end, trust me, I'm not bashing.
When guys attempt to talk to me or ask me out, I'm really disappointed in the shortage of men we have. They are too scared or they don't have any balls, it is so disappointing. Don't message a girl through Facebook to ask her out. Get her number, ask in person, call for crying out loud, don't freaking text it. Why act like little kids, not getting the toy you want (the goods) right away so, you look elsewhere for a shiny new toy that fulfills your pleasure for the moment. 
What is so wrong with pursuing a woman and stepping up? As if you are a disciplined athlete training to attain gold status in the olympics. How about commitment, is it possible? If you really think you have fallen for a woman then follow through, as if you made a choice and stick with it. Jacob made the decision to marry Rachel. Even though Rachel's father deceived Jacob and had him be with her sister Leah, Jacob never stopped (it took him 14 YEARS) until he married Rachel. He knew what he wanted, no matter the circumstance he didn't give up on her. I never see that, ever. What I see are dudes that want to be pursued.....what the hell is up with that? Seriously! I understand you want attention, but come on you are supposed to be the man, the alpha.
I didn't date for a year a few years back and people were like "Oh my gosh! What if you meet THE one? You'll miss your chance! Kara, you ARE getting older and four kids...." Puh-lease! That is what I call limited thinking. IF I did meet someone that could possibly be THE ONE, then he would get to know me as a friend and WAIT for me. We are all worth it, why settle for someone that doesn't know what they want and can't have enough self control????? Self control isn't just about eating habits, exercise, choosing a healthy lifestyle, or gossiping, shopping addictions, debt problems, and so on. Restraining sexual desires is included as well. Self control is a mindset. There are 5 pillars to a balanced healthy life which are physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial. Creating a positive, momentous, as well as successful life requires each of these pillars to become stable. Have I reached this level, ummmmm, let me think about that. (a millimeter of a second passes) "NO!" No one has, because each of us are continuously growing, maturing, and seeking these truths within ourselves. Finding our place or destination in this universe. 
Getting back to where I started: love, love is pure, love is kind, love is rich in self control and love has no boundaries when it comes to time. Perhaps you're thinking I'm some ridiculous girl that has been hurt by relationships of my past and just need to shut up, yet really, let's be honest....HOW many lives have had their hearts crushed from divorce or child custody cases? We are a wounded nation because men are not men anymore and women are not women. We have failed to raise our children to take charge and lead them to stand behind their word. We let go of discipline and let them run wild like there are no consequences for our actions. Allowing the television to create our morals. Our words and the statements we make are not impeccable. Do we really honor others or do we take everything personal? Instead of communication, we make assumptions and have no idea what we really want. Do we do our best or change from moment to moment forming self-judgement?
It's time we be the change we want to see in this world. Discover the truth that has been within you this whole entire time you've been here on earth. Let your yes be "YES!" and your no be "NO!" Love doesn't flop around, love is sound. I am challenged as these words flow from my spirit, I must love! I will not settle for ignorance, I will not tolerate desires that stir within me because of my lack of self control. There is a strength in love that shadows as selflessness and patience. Practice is the only way to graduate this life lesson and pass this course. Acquiring the skills to not give in to our desires, so that we may withstand the storms of life. Developing respect towards one another as sisters and brothers in order to flourish as a society. I blog these thoughts not to knock anyone, yet to inspire myself and others to stop crawling and drinking from our mothers breast milk. It's time to stand up, start running, training, and chew meat like an adult. Growing pains will occur, I guarantee it, but when you look back and see the man or woman that you will become out of it.....you won't regret it.

Selfless vs. Health

Watched Selfless with Ryan Reynolds tonight with my older boys, great movie. Ryan def has my vote for sexiest man alive. Made me think how the only way to be selfless is to take care of yourself first. You can't give towards others unless you are in good health: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, & financially. Seriously, if you want to love others unconditionally or be unconditionally loved you have to understand that you can't take anything personally. You can't be offended, everyone in life has a journey & we must choose to accept that. Otherwise, you are not emotionally or mentally healthy to be selfless. Selfless acts require sacrifice of judgmental thoughts. You physically or financially can't help someone unless you are strong enough in that realm. You get my drift, right.....choose health by choosing to love yourself as you love others. Take time out alone to get grounded with the beauty of the earth, to revive the soul, revel in God's adoration over you. Read to nourish the mind, feed your thoughts, find mentors that are examples of what you crave to be. Seek counsel as you reflect on emotions because emotions are temporary, they can misguide you. Make your beliefs & faith strong so you will be steadfast and not tossed by the wind or waves. Eat nutritious so the body and mind won't be weak. Stay fit so that you may be able to always do what you love. Work, so the finances are available to not just survive yet, to live successfully!

Found this floating around in my computer....

Running out the door with lunchbox, duffle bag, chai, and hair brush or purse, as you notice your child's book-bag or the clothes that need dry cleaning still in the hall. You dare not have the time for that second trip to the car so, you stuff your mouth with your the purse or duffle bag strap and with the extra pinky grab the bag or clothes. Dumping everything in the car you buckle up and remind any sidekicks(traveling passengers) to do the same, because you know what happens when you forget to buckle....flashback to to 1984 when seat-belts weren't that popular and cops had their own tv show, dad slammed on the breaks and you flew from the back of the baby blue Monte Carlo to the front. Needless to say, you encourage safety first(by buckling up) from lessons learned. Fast forward to here and now, by the time you drop the kids off or the dog at the vet, you rush to work or back to the house to clean up from the tornado that happened when the kids awoke that morning. Day moves on, you grow tired and maybe you feel as if the you have no more thread that can be unraveled from this quilt called life. Does any of this sound familiar? Are you working non-stop, giving your all to find out that you have to do it all over again the next day? Having a sense that there are not enough hours in the day, chaos, and feelings of fatigue and overwhelming worries.
Many of us are born into different situations, life challenges appear as the single mom, stay at home mom, working mother, or you might be the newlywed, student slammed with studies and tests, perhaps you chose a demanding career with out children...the point is, no matter your status quo or life goals, every lifestyle has its stressors. 
I too have been there, I lived on that doorstep for years. I allowed and even welcomed the stress to hang out in my everyday routine. The beauty of it all is that we have the power to change it. If I, a single mother of four rambunctious amazing children, that ran a business, went to school and worked a second or third job(ALL at the same time), learned the secret to sanity....would you be interested in hearing it? I know your saying: "Duh, Kara!" 
Its really simple; keep it simple. Get back to the basics of who you are, what you love to do, and make yourself a priority. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, there is no second chance for this life, you must discover your worth now. That means to take time out for yourself, wether it be 10 minutes in the day or a whole day for yourself to get away and be alone. As a Christian I believe what the Bible says in caring for your body as a temple, as a Yogi I believe we must slow down. Women, I've noticed especially, run themselves into the dirt or I say the ditch because they get stuck. Go, go, go, always on the go, never taking time out to breath and see their value. Yoga can slow you down and remind you that you need to care for yourself first in order to provide care for anyone else. The only way to be excellent at anything is to make sure you are excellent first: mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Be mindful today, just as if you were in a fire, you can not save someone burning if you are on fire, make sure the scene is safe first or the fire is out THEN you can help and get the person to safety. Be healthy, inside and out, so that you can love, care, provide, cherish, and help others to do the same. If you say, "I don't have time!" Get over that fear in your mind, stop saying I can't and start asking "HOW can I make this happen?" MAKE time, your life is worth it. 

Ways to love you:
Yoga, daily walks, healthy eating, girls night out, read a book, meditate, exercise, paint, do something that you enjoy.

Deep Waters

There is this deep aching within that is only comforted when I am alone, on my knees, and crying out to God. Perhaps I started this blog post off a bit too intense, let me try this again....The end of 2014 and most of 2015 sucked, it was absolute hell. You see it started with this book. I took my words and put them into action. I put a book of my writings together with photographs from amazing local artist and published it. During this process, I lost everything. By everything I mean, where I was living, all my belongings, my family, my children(which are my heart), my jobs, you get the picture. Sometimes, let's be honest, any time we go after the things we love or pursue passions we encounter adversity. It's like the ultimate test, the universe or God is testing us to see if we really want what we set out to do or attain. The beautiful piece of this puzzle(if you walk far enough into these uncharted waters), that I believe to be one of life's most treasured lessons, is this attitude of gratitude that takes over your soul. It's as if you take on a new mindset, your eyes unveil the limitless potential that surrounds you. You notice how blessed you are, how lovely others can be, and you try to take it all in yet, breathing is all you are capable of. Losing everything was the best thing that ever happened to me. It showed me how to work harder, how to love deeper, how to see others as God does, and how to cherish the moments that are right here and now. This unforgettable season in my life has made me a better version of me. I am stronger and more grateful than I ever knew possible. I will say there were moments I was angry at God, I couldn't comprehend why I had to feel the pain I felt or still do at times. This school of hard knocks unlocked the mystery of a victim transforming into a victor.
Back to the crying out to God, from a quiet place, seeking His face, longing for His heart to be one with mine....this is my comfort, this is my song, He's carried me, and never given up on me. What I've seen is miracle after miracle and God teaching me that I am not alone. I am in awe of His mercy and His goodness. I step into the deep waters, I jump, the risk surpasses any comfort. Fear is false evidence appearing real and not worth living in because perfect love cast out fear. Dare to live out loud, to open up the flood gates and be consumed with purpose.

P.S.
Just feel prompted to add this:
If you are faced with unkindness, know that every harsh word spoken towards or against you is from pain and has no power over you unless you give it power.

It's none of your business

When we wonder or take the time to ponder on others lives, thinking "if only he/she would.." Or perhaps say something along the lines of: "my life would be so much easier or better if they...." We are wasting time & energy. The older I get the more I realize it's not about how others react or treat me, they only know what they have created or been programmed to believe. The habits they live out and thoughts they've formed are theirs. It's not my, or anyone else's, job to change them. If they become aware or conscious then they have the decision if they want to grow or develop into more, unveiling their limitless potential. It is our task to focus on our own energy, where we want to go, determining what kind of life we want to live. If someone upsets you with what they say or do, your consciousness is trying to show you something about you. Are you being abused by someone's words, fists, or attitude? You are allowing that & therefore abusing yourself. Are you being hurt by someone's actions, let's be honest...you are hurting yourself. I've recently seen this in a friend, she keeps choosing to go back into a bad relationship (repeating the same scenario with the same person or different ppl) saying "if I do this differently he will love me, or if I change this and submit to his every want...we will succeed as a couple." What she doesn't realize is that he is living in his own world. She can not control or influence what he chooses to do, no matter how much she desires to make things better, nothing will change. He will continue to manipulate, brain wash, and abuse her because she is not only allowing it yet, because she is abusing herself more as she determines the amount of pain that she will tolerate. The amount of suffering she permits others to do to her is a direct result of how she sees herself and the suffering she is placing upon herself. It is much easier to read about this or hear rather then physically face in our own adversity. When you have a spouse, child, or loved one that you care deeply for, you perhaps open yourself up to being attached. You start to take things personal. It's really not about you. The painstaking words, spells, and outburst of another casting this upon you is from that person's own dwellings/dealings of heaviness. Until they wake up, they do not understand what they are doing, possibly resulting in blaming others/you for such actions. Focus on what you can do for you, if your loved ones continues to create pain in their lives, let them. You are not responsible for them, you are only responsible for you. That being said: be love, be patient, be kind, and meditate. This too shall pass, rest easy, peace is always present so, allow it to flow freely. Let go of judgement, no matter what is said or done because, it's not about you, don't make or take it personal. Focus forward.

What I want to say but, don't:

My message to Christians(I'm prepared to be deleted from your list or to get ugly emails):
1st: I love you as brothers & sisters, my heart aches for you when you suffer and struggle, I have compassion & stand beside you. I desire to lift you up, build you up. There is celebration & joy to be done for your victories & accomplishments. We are one as the body of Christ. I am here as your biggest cheerleader, encourager, and motivator.
2. Why are you judging others? How dare you or I tell someone how to live if we aren't along side them in the trenches! How dare you mock, make fun of, put someone in place, say: "if you get a divorce you are not going to have God's blessing!" How dare you limit God and say yoga is of the devil. God uses donkeys, thieves, murderers, prostitutes, and us. Stop making excuses and using history as a default, limiting how God has access to people is immature and limits his work. Anyone else's sin, beside your own, is NONE of your business. Get right with God first, that means seek him, self develop, & match your actions/example to your faith. Judging others, their lifestyle or relationships is not part of your calling. Don't say a word unless you are speaking in love, question your intention.
3. Faith is lived every second, not just when you need it. Discipline your mind, be the change. If you are obese, in adultery, struggle with porn or drugs, gossip, etc. DO something about it! Be the temple God has called you to be, clean it up! Eat right, exercise, get accountability, read books, break bad habits. It is possible to change, the same energy it takes to eat a Twinkie is the same energy it takes to eat an apple. Take yourself off automatic pilot to shifting gears until you establish a new habit.
4. Want to see God's kingdom here on earth? Start by shutting up & taking more action, walk out faith by being patient, give more of your time, money, and kindness. Be convicted that you haven't done enough on every pillar: physically, mentally, spiritually, & financially.

Learning to heal

Today, yoga class caught me off guard. I went to help get over this right rear end issue, you know that deep sciatic pain that triggers when you don't want it to….like all day, everyday. As I walked in, kicked my shoes off, and rolled my mat out in between the 30 other people that wanted to feel even more amazing on this Labor Day holiday. I started to slowly stretch, yup it wasn't going away, my muscles locked up even more physically telling me that they refused to relax. Teacher walked in, class begun. Sun salutations, warm up poses, the warmth of the room, it was comforting, yet EVERY pose my ass kept screaming "NO!" Side note: I love God, I am a Christian, but cursing is a total weakness of mine, its like the only appropriate way to describe certain moments in life at times. If you get offended easily, this is NOT the blog for you, I may have been raised in the South, but I'm Californian at heart.
Teach started instructing hip openers, my fav(NOT), I submitted as much as I believed I could. When your mind gets in the way, your pretty much useless and limiting yourself to what could be. It was as if I couldn't move, I felt like I was beginning yoga for the first time and completely frustrated. I began to focus on just breathing. Softened my shoulders, relaxed my face, breathed in and breathed out, attempting to not notice my fellow yogis next to me folded up like pretzels. Savasana, you know that pose you do at the end of class where you just lay there looking like a corpse, finally arrived along with all my locked up emotions that were being held captive in my hips. My face started to flush with tingles, water collected in my eyes, tears flowed freely. The pain I ignored for years and memories I pushed away as a child, causing childhood amnesia, overwhelmed my soul. As I laid there I was quiet, my face grew more wet and I couldn't stop it from happening. This is yoga. Where healing is welcomed.

I'm not yet ready to share my whole story, so follow on this journey and maybe we can heal together…

Single Mom Stories of Encouragement

After an endless weekend of painting, fearlessly climbing (honestly scared to death of falling) cabinets and furniture to get the edge of trimwork on a vaulted ceiling coated with killz to escape the smell of smoke from the previous owner... I was tired. I didn't feel like standing in line at Walmart, waiting to return a can of paint. I, in my Dickies paint splattered overalls, wore the white paint quite well all over my arms, hands, toes, hair, & ears. I stood patiently, waiting my turn. The older gentleman, in front of me, had an accent along with 6 bags of clothes he was returning. He turned around to see me and smiled. He chuckled and said: "you must be a painter!" I replied with: "this weekend I am." He continued to talk as a line formed behind us. I could feel the tension of the people, the man -enjoying our conversation, was very loud. He was getting eye rolls & impatient looks from the crowd. The lady behind me asked if I knew him, I was honest with her by stating: "no." She then told me to not look at him and ignore him, so he would stop talking. Is this what we have come to? We are in such a hurry that we can't be kind? I continued to listen to the gentleman, acknowledged him as he boasted what he did for work, how much money he made, his divorce, etc. He then pulled his money out, he tried to give everyone in line some, no one would take it as if it was contaminated with some deadly virus. I held my hand out, told him: "I'll take some." It was $5, finally the clerk was finished scanning the mountain of clothes. Twenty minutes had passed and I was finally being helped. Bob(let's just call him Bob, my kids call everyone Bob(idk why)) didn't leave, he sat down, yes- still talking out loud to the line of people he helped create at customer service. As I began to leave, Bob came up to me. He handed me a gift card. He said "I don't know how much is on it, but maybe you can use it." I asked if he was sure, he told me to take it. I thanked him and left, called the number on the back of the card, there was $59 on it! I thought the whole situation was bizarre until I remembered how I stood in front of the cooking sets at Wal-Mart a week prior, I needed one for my new place along with silverware. As I went to the back to get the set and silverware, I couldn't stop smiling. When I went to check out at the register the price rang up higher than what I read in the back of the store, so I told the cashier that I couldn't get it. I knew the price would go over the gift card value. She asked me why, so I told her I must have looked at the price sticker wrong on the aisle. She asked what the sticker said, so I let her know, then she told me to hold on. Next thing I know she is fixing the price in the register to the price I saw! I share this with you because I'm in awe. We can't assume God's blessings to come a certain way. Sometimes, his gifts may not look like gifts, they may be wrapped up in what the world views as irritating or obnoxious. My prayer.....that we all become more patient, so that we may see as God does. Taking the time out for those right beside us as we wait in line at the store. Be loving, be gentle, listen with sincerity, so that we may learn and be blown away by God's faithfulness & promises. 

Nutrition... My opinion, but what's that matter?

Today, I'm unleashing the passion that stirs within me, a subject that I have always felt strongly about(well, over the past 20 years). I care so intensely for my friends & family, this is why I post & speak up on these matters.
You may not listen or even may be offended at what I say, just try to make room for the fact that I care about others, not money. I want to see people succeed in EVERY area of their lives! It's ALL connected: the mental to the physical, the spiritual to the tangible! Balance; I pray I attain it, you attain it, the whole freakin world learns & will eventually sustain it! If we really gave 2 cents about our future we would integrate nutrition into our educational system. Okay, here it goes...

It's not JUST about exercise, that lie we tell ourselves: "if I exercise I can eat whatever I want." Is just that, a lie. Nutrition is vital! Fast food, salty, & processed sweets will eventually kill you, toxins that break our bodies down on a deep cellular level. There is a reason God made apple trees & not Twinkie trees full of chemicals & processed crap -our bodies can not digest. Why do you think he made water & not Dr. Pepper? The more you educate yourself & learn the truth, the more likely chance you will stand up for yourself & take proper care of yourself. Doctors that tell you you are fine with your diet, who may push pain & depression meds need to be enlightened as well. We are this economy's paycheck. Wake up, when will you finally care enough to take care of the temple God has given you???? I love you. Here's some soul info...

Are nutrition and health related? Is healthy eating important? Of course!

Like a finely-tuned racing car, your body needs the right fuel (food) and regular maintenance (exercise, lifestyle and mental attitude) to achieve its true health potential. Nothing is more important than healthy eating!

Put in the wrong fuel or let it go without regular use and there's no way it can deliver its full power and performance. Without healthy eating, your body's engine will cough, splutter and eventually stall.

MAINTAINING A BALANCED DIET BY HEALTHY EATING CAN:
Give you vitality and energy for life.
Help you stay at a weight that's right for you.
Boost your immune system.
Improve sports performance.
Delay the effects of aging.
Keep you active and fit into old age.
Help beat tiredness and fatigue.
Protect teeth and keep gums healthy.
Enhance your ability to concentrate and possible alter mood.
Ward off serious illnesses like heart disease, certain cancers, mature-age onset diabetes, and gallbladder disease.