Aren't we all Rascals?

When I heard Eve screaming I knew something was wrong. She was walking around the house holding our new(2 hours into the life of 4 kids and a dog of a single mom) hamster: Rascal. I ran into the room and there was Eve with big crocodile tears streaming down her face screaming "I'm so sorry! I didn't know! I'm so sorry!" as she handed me what looked like a wet hairball. It was Rascal, turns out that Tiger(our golden retriever/beagle) thought Rascal would make a great dinner. He was frozen and not moving, no breath, I grabbed some kleenex and cuddled him in my hands. Took him upstairs as I simply believed he was still alive because he was warm.  I just had faith God was bigger, I laid him face up on the bathroom counter and still nothing.  I thought: "Lord, how cool if you brought him back to the land of the living." Then I noticed his tummy moving slowly up and down. He stretched out his tiny arms and began to roll over.

God isn't finished with him, yet! Neither is He with you or I!

Why I get along better with non-christians than christians

When I was down right in the mess and ugliness of my sin,  there were three people that came along and held me through it, they put on Christ and revealed his presence to me through their actions.  I was wrong and hurting people.  Yet, these God sent friends covered me in prayer and literally baby-sat/took care of my kids when I needed help, watched over them and me.  They cared when no one else would, they gave me money to survive while other christians couldn't see past my sin and refused to reach out to me.  Instead of building me up, I was kicked down, instead of a gentle correction they were harsh and cold.   They knew I had a relationship with God and were angry to see how I kept on sinning.  Most christians just judged me and let me be, for the life of them they didn't know how to love me or accept me and show me God's character.  In my falling down I felt abandoned and rebuked.  That was NOT Jesus, Jesus doesn't do that. He would have held me, he would have come along and taken my hand and directed me to the heart of God.  Knowing my name is tattooed into the palm of God's hand, He saved me by His grace alone.  When others didn't reach out and extend a hand, I didn't get angry, I grew.  I grew knowing that to be more like Him I had to walk through the pain.  It requires intense understanding and mercy given to one to learn how to do the same with others.  Loving the unlovable, the complainers, the greedy, the misguided, the ignorant, the haters, the angry, the backstabbers, the merciless, the abusive, yes THIS can be done.  How do I know?  Jesus did it.  To be more like Christ it takes love and grace, not judgement or condemnation.  It takes His amazing eyes that looked upon me and his sweet mouth that spoke to me in gentleness.  It took the body of Christ, the REAL body of Christ to show me my sin- Jesus style, so I could I finally rest in my Father's arms.  I only continued to sin when the fake body(masquerading around in sheep clothing) didn't know how to love and were too angry with me because they saw the sin that only reflected the planks of pride in their eyes.  They could not recognize and discern how or what I needed as a fallen child of the King, not understanding that I just needed to be picked up and not pushed down.  

I know I'm a sinner and I get along best with sinners, because WHOM am I to judge?  There are SO many freakishly uptight christians, sad but true!  A lot don't know how to be normal and accepting, or don't understand what it is to be real and end up hiding who they really are.  This can be scary, but what's scarier is thinking you know God and in all actuality you don't because you're not seeking Him.  When we seek Him, love Him, and KNOW Him; it reflects in our lives and HOW we communicate with others.  I'm the worst at living the gospel.  The only difference between me and non-christians is: the Cross.  I have confessed and laid down my sin at the Cross (where Christ died) and believe in Him as my Lord and Savior.  I could NEVER save myself, that's why God sent Jesus for us!  The Cross gives me access to have the relationship I have with God.  God's grace showers me everyday and gives me hope.  I goof up daily, yet knowing my past and understanding God's love for me overwhelms me with a passion to draw closer towards Him which in turn fires a flame in me to be more like him.  I relate best with non-christians because I can't hide my flaws, I accept people the way they are because that's how God accepts me.  Christians that proclaim Jesus yet, don't know how to love as Jesus does have a hard time with someone like me.  Why you ask?  I don't know, you figure it out because frankly, I really don't care.  I'm just going to keep on loving EVERY single person I meet.  Yup, that includes gays, christians, killers, trans-genders, adulterers, drug addicts, fat people, skinny people, porn stars, mean people, funny people, tax collectors, the homeless, and WHATEVER PPL!

Not understanding someone does NOT justify not helping them or serving them.  Of course its easy to wash others feet that you love and get along with.  Yet, its hard to serve those that have hurt us or those we judge, we struggle helping people that are totally different from us in the light of perception and views, people we don't clique with or feel comfortable around.  When we assume that someone already has others to assist them or the government will take care of them, that's where we as christians have failed and deny 1 Corinthians 12:25-27.  Is it truth or not?  "there should be no division in the body(of Christ), but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.  If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is part of it."

Last time I read Ephesians 4:11-13 it said "Christ gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to EQUIP HIS PEOPLE FOR WORKS OF SERVICE, so that the body of Christ may be built up! until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."

If you see a need- FILL it, be the hands and feet of Christ.  That small tingle when you see a car accident or someone struggling to stay warm or a mom trying to carry too much, THAT is God/the Holy Spirit speaking to you, telling you to stop your busy schedule and share Him! Hug the soul that just got hit by another car OR dare to hug freely the one that caused the accident, give the shivering soul the coat off your own back and a fresh cup of hot chocolate, go alongside the mother holding the baby at the grocery store and put her groceries up on the check out counter from her cart. Don't just pick one! Constantly, continuously, BE what Jesus has commanded us to be: His disciples.  People that not only know His words and go to church weekly but FOLLOWERS that actually follow his ways!  We should be his(God's) biggest fans, passionately desiring to become more like him.

Romans 12:1-3 says "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.  For by the grace given me I say to every one of you; Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."

Keep singing daddy, i hear you

Helping my momma clean out the house has been a long time coming, memories of my father in every room feel like fresh wounds. I found this incredible song he wrote down and I must say his faith lives on.......

Thank you Lord for the trials that come my way
In that way I can grow each day as I let you lead and
Thank you Lord for the patience those trials bring
In that process of growing I can learn to care
but it goes against the way I am to put my human nature down
and let spirit take control of all I do cause when those trials come
my human nature shouts the thing to do
and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored and
I thank you Lord with each trial I feel inside
that you're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong
cause you promised Lord that with every testing that you're way of escaping much easier to bear,
but it goes against the way I am to put my human nature down and let the spirit take control of all I do cause when those trials come my human nature shouts the thing to do and
God's soft prompting can be easily ignored but I thank you Lord for the victory that growing brings in surrender of everything.  Life is so worthwhile and I thank you Lord that when every-things put in place, you're in front, I can see your face and there - you belong.
Thank you dear Lord!

I think this one is my favourite, straight from the word of God yo:

Sing, Oh barren one, come and sing the joyful song for the shame and blush of your youth shall not be remembered more.  Sing, Oh barren one, I will proper you again, for your children's shall grow and grow established in righteousness.  For a brief brief moment did I turn away from you from you, now in great loving kindness will I come and gather you.  Sing, Oh barren one, for the mountain and hills should woe, My loving kindness will never depart from you!

Waking up to my best friend

There is nothing like someone loving you unconditionally!  Nothing!  Yesterday morning I woke up in the worst mood, I was mad and mean and this attitude even showed up in my text.  My actions were wrong, I felt I had to defend myself and the person was just wanting to pick up my baby girl for a play date.  Yes, I know, very immature and redonkulous!  I called this person later and apologized for 'venting,' I was just ill?  Yet, for some reason I couldn't get over this attitude, I couldn't listen to any music to make me feel better and I didn't want to read anything to boost my ego.  I was a true 'Debbie Downer' and 'Potty-mouth Paul.' I didn't' even want to be around me!  Eventually, as I was driving, I remembered a verse from Joshua 1:8-9 "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.  Then you will be prosperous and successful.  Have I not commanded you to be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Yeah, that shut me right up!  You see, the night before I fell asleep writing down stuff for a task at hand.  It wasn't focused on anything positive, it was the exact opposite.  I am having a hard time getting it done because I don't want to do it, yet it is required of me.  Hang in there because my point is coming before I close up shop with a Kenya story.  I fell asleep working on this project and woke up with it on my brain.  I didn't give it to God to handle at all.  I tried to deal with it myself, which by the way- NEVER works!  If I just said a simple prayer trusting that God will take care of it and speak up on my behalf I probably would have slept better and woke up NOT thinking about it.  If I would have read scripture over myself and the current circumstances I quite possibly would have not woke up worrying.  Lesson learned, be conscious of the word of God I have stored up in my heart and my noggin!  Not doubting how powerful it truly is!  See this snake?

I was just in Africa less than 2 weeks ago, I saw how profoundly real and strong my Father in heaven is!  I walked right over this snake while visiting a local school.  I didn't know it, the person behind me said:  "Guys, did you not see that snake?  Two of you just stepped right over it."  I asked our interpreter Chrispoh if it was poisonous and his reply "Oh, yes, if that snake bite you, you die."

I proceeded to take a rock the size of a football and kill it, because I didn't want to hear of one of the students at the school getting bitten.  There is no medical care in site, it takes over an hour in a car, and everyone that lives there walks (they don't have cars).  In Luke chapter 10, Jesus sent out 72 disciples to spread the good news and he gave them authority to be able to do all that he had done!  He even said (Luke10:19-20) "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."  I didn't go looking or pray for a snake or scorpion, I was just willing to share the gospel and stumbled upon a snake.  Sometimes we are just doing what God told us to and step over trouble.  And then sometimes we forget to even give God our issues- like when I went to bed and woke up with a bad attitude.  Yet, how we deal with it is the matter of the heart.  I knew I had authority in Kenya, and so I protected those kids and killed that snake.  Yesterday morning God reminded me HOW to remain in Him and remember how He has given me authority, Joshua 1:8-9.  I must stick by him, allowing him to feed me EVERY morning and EVERY night with his word......the BIBLE!  Today, I woke up to my best friend and I LOVE how he loves me!

my world is upside down

I wake, the hour is early where I live, but not where I was last week.  Kenya, a place where poverty is not the end of all things.  I lay awake trying to embrace slumber yet, my mind is one with my body and refuses to let this hour pass unspoken.
It was only by faith that I ended up in such a place.  Literally receiving money for a visa the day before my trip to Africa, through one of God's vessels.  The young man doesn't remember things very easily due to a fatal accident yet, our heavenly Father reminded him and would not let it go -by keeping him awake one night, insisting that he give to a sister in need(me).  You may say coincidence, yet I know my dad better than that.  I was blown away every time money was due for my mission trip, I had no idea where it was coming from, or maybe I did......it's all God's money to begin with(right).
When I received papers 2 days before the trip that would test the waters of my faith, asking me to surrender the impossible(my 4 children), I remained obedient.
Was it the spirit of God waking a woman (listening for God's voice) that Thursday as I was getting prepared to leave on a plane, to empty all the cash out of her purse into my hands -so that I could witness God financially blessing the women in the village north of Nanyuki?  I can not describe in full what my eyes have seen, but please understand that I felt at home HALF WAY across the world in such a place where dirt is not dirty.  At one point I imagined someone packing up my own children and shipping them to me, they were my only treasures that were allowing feelings of homesickness.    
I was emotionally torn between the sweet children(that were complete strangers) embracing me -as if I was their best friend they haven't seen in years; and the woman who opened her home to me, serving tea to a christian despite her husbands beliefs on christianity -having stoned her for going to church in the past.
This is only the beginning of the short time I spent in a land where God spoke to me saying: "Do NOT fear!  The Victory is the Lord's!"  Joshua 1:9, Lamentations 3:57, Psalm 20:6(NIV)
I can not sleep until I cry out how "OUR God, whom sent Jesus to die for our sins through the cross and rose from the grave to give us hope, is a MIGHTY GOD!"
.............to be continued when sleep is not.............

Dimples

Dimples, usually the word makes me want to smile.  Tonight.....not so much.  Before I go on, I first want to say that I'm 36 years old yet, when people meet me they assume I'm in my 20s.  I'm sure it has nothing to do with the way I act.  This evening I happened to run across a pretty lady in my bathroom, she had dark wavy hair, brown eyes and a lot of spirit.  She asked me a silly question about which halloween costume was going to be worn this year.  Embracing the conservative side of myself (more recently) I said "the clown suit looks great!"  In her other hand was this sexy tiny Wonder Woman outfit she had worn a few years before(when the divorce diet was so easily being followed).  It isn't triathlon season anymore, so as she lifted her shirt I saw the dimples.  They matched the ones on her backside, just above the knees.  Then she looked at me in agreement "the clown suit will do just fine, even though I wore that during a few pregnancies....."

I haven't felt motivated to exercise or eat right since I moved, that's 3 months of being lethargic.  I'm not going to beat myself into the ground attempting to run some pointless rat race.  I never really cared for what the world thinks/their standards of beauty, or have given a second glance toward the latest fashion trends plastered all over some Style Magazine.  I earnestly want to learn self control:  mental, spiritual, emotional, physical, and sexual self-control.  It can be done- I think.  There is balance, right?  I just need to find it, like one of my kids lost socks in the house somewhere!  Titus 2:1-8

I got a call from the nurse, something wasn't right, I felt and knew something was different for a few months now. The call confirmed it, I was being referred to another doctor, in a months time I will know more but for now, I must patiently WAIT. With that information I had to go for a run -maybe to cry, maybe it was to ignore the pain, but quite honestly I wanted to watch the ocean crash onto the shore and attempt to forget all the negative things that were being thrown in my face. As I passed by houses where dogs were out I was amazed at how they just stayed in the yard, trained, or maybe there was an invisible fence? Thought to myself: “Why doesn't Tiger(my dog) do that?” In that moment it occurred to me that she was a bit of a free spirit- like me I assume, not trained, jumping with excitement when she sees someone, running up to them and instantly loving on them. Loving and accepting them just the way they are, for who they are, not holding back anything, no fences or pretend walls to stop her. I feel like that at times, I was born in this world not understanding personal space. It's not that I try to invade someone else's space on purpose, its just that I'm a bit carefree and ready to pounce letting others know I'm happy and blessed to be in their presence. As I saw the ocean from a distance in my run I thought of my dad, reaching for his final destination. I imagine this is what going home is like. In the pathway ahead of me was the beautiful water and all I wanted to do was embrace it, I wanted to shout out "I'm almost there!" When my father was dying and trapped in his earthly body full of pain from the cancer, I wonder if he thought "I'm almost home!" -the day he went to be at peace with God he probably saw Jesus and shouted with joy “I'm coming home, I no longer have to be here!” Looking towards heaven, in awe of its beauty. No longer a captive in his body, no longer trapped in the walls of this earth that kept souls out, anxiety and alienation rushing over him, perhaps a prisoner within.

I watched the sun set over the ocean, lighting the sky on fire and I suddenly felt peace. Knowing that whatever the circumstances may bring, I will trust my God, my Jesus -to give me hope as he did for my dad. To be honest, at first when I got that phone call I was completely human - scared, scared to know I had no one to hold my hand or hug my neck. And then, I came to a place where I could look up and saw what I was surrounded by..............

My dad's story was for God's glory, may I also leave a legacy that declares my story for His glory!

I love to have fun, celebrate life! Right here, right now! I want to be remembered in good cheer and with a heart that was desperately after God. Do you know how will you be remembered? Try not to care what others think, especially the ones that probably won't even show up at your funeral, haha! Hebrews 12:1-4.....READ IT!

Today

Almost 3 years ago I wrote this:

"I've assessed, I'm depressed due to the fact that I've repressed pain and sorrow from compressed memories. So is this really best, or am I obsessed with the mess? Yes, you are unimpressed with my chest so why don't you just give it a rest. Stop being so possessed by your dress and the quest to be blessed. I miss feeling caressed and guess its leaving the nest, so my simple request is that your zest be pressed away from me towards the west. For now it seems as if your vest has suppressed my heart, which I suggest is distressed. Leave, because I finally confessed."

 Today I write:

I AM a child of God!
I AM successful!
I AM a good mother!
I AM beautiful!
I AM loved!
I AM HIS & I AM BLESSED!

There is NO room for weakness (I may be weak yet HE is STRONG), I must be an example for my children to let them know that the JOY of the Lord IS MY STRENGTH! Nehemiah 8:10

shared with a friend or 2 then thought: WHY NOT?

Waves were WOW this morning! I mean really WOW and beautiful! Lately, I'm struggling to catch them at the right moment to get up on my board yet, I watched standing (& being knocked down) in awe of God in all his splendor. He absolutely amazes me! "Blessed be the Lord, Who bears our burdens and carries us day by day, even the God Who is our salvation! Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!"(Psalm 68:19 AMP) "Who alone stretches out the heavens and treads upon the waves and high places of the sea; "(Job 9:8 AMP) I just want to sing 24/7 to him bc he is sooooo good to us! Let his kingdom reign! "O Lord God of hosts, who is a mighty one like unto You, O Lord? And Your faithfulness is round about You [an essential part of You at all times]. You rule the raging of the sea; when its waves arise, You still them." (Psalm 89:8, 9 AMP) Yesterday, I was tickled with joy, I purchased contacts for the first time in over a year so my eyes were like 'THANK YOU!!!!!' Words can not explain how much I trust my Father completely, I could't buy groceries last year and now every day I get paid I RUN to give Him his 10% and it never fails there is always enough to pay everything else. I was in tears all day yesterday thankful that he carries me, he provides for me, he is here with me. I might of had nothing by the worlds standards and still have nothing to show materialistically BUT I have my GOD! He has supplied me with everything I need. I have the joy of being in the presence of my beautiful children and being wrapped up in God's arms. I inhale His breath as I see the sun rise over the ocean and I'm overwhelmed with his grace as the waves crash over my head. I love you Lord, I don't want to be anywhere else if it means I won't be with you. My flesh is worn and my soul cries out for more of him. I'm broken, ready to be mended, filled and restored daily with his words of healing and strength!

It's been awhile

Ahhhh, September. I can't believe I missed a whole month of blogging, what's my excuse? Settling into my new place, that's a decent claim- right!?!? The yellow butterflies of August were warning us that Fall is quickly coming around the corner as they travel from flower to flower or anything green and clean. As for me, I have been keeping things simple. Currently, I only work at 2 facilities and Friday through Tuesday mornings are devoted to spending as much time as I can with my favorite people -my children. Last month....I moved, I asked God and He told me to. Some people might be squinting their brow at me on that statement but, its true. I kept asking God, "Are you sure?" He kept saying, "Yes." I honestly didn't believe it was him because HOW could that even happen with the kids and all. It was July and I was visiting a friend in Garden City, SC and jokingly told God: "If you want me at the beach then you will get a house for me TODAY." Within two hours I received a text and a phone call "Kara, so and so has a house off of such and such Avenue and is thinking of renting it out." My second fleece in my head throws out- "sure God, IF the rent is cheaper than the house in Florence." Not even an hour later I'm talking to the owner and he says "I'll work with you, its not a problem." I was in shock, mouth wide open, couldn't move, reaching for reality. WHY do we think things like "that can't be God, that's just me and my head playing games!?!" A week goes by, I print out a short resume, throw out my 3rd and final fleece to God: "Lord, if its your will and way YOU will provide a job within the hours I need." As soon as I dropped off my resume to about 5 places I was receiving phone calls and setting up interviews. It felt totally different to be needed and appreciated for the line of work that I do! It was crazy fast how everything went down, I knew it was God and His hand. Not really having worked since I closed down my studio this past April, I was in awe of how quickly God set up provision for me! All this Fleece talk comes from Gideon's story in Judges chapter 6, excellent stuff! Through all this I have been reading some scripture that really makes me want to change the way I talk and how I spend my money. I struggle with cursing; and I never knew how much money I was going to get paid so tithing was hard/super difficult. Lately, I am reading the following verses below to encourage me to do my best- for His GLORY, after all- my story IS for His glory! The tithing, I've been committed FULLY for the past 8 or so months (even when it doesn't look like I have enough to make ends meet) and its INCREDIBLE what he has been doing! Africa is approaching fast and the money has been coming in, from where? I don't have a clue! I trust God to get me through to the next step. He has carried me this far along and I'm excited to see what he has in store for my family next! Uh oh! I just saw what time it is & I gotta get some sleep, I'll share more later! Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, & they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it(for death or life). In Proverbs chapter 4, verses 23-27 it says this: "Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life. Put away from thee a wayward mouth, And perverse lips put far from thee. Let thine eyes look right on, And let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Make level the path of thy feet, And let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: Remove thy foot from evil." Proverbs 3:9&10: "Honor Jehovah with thy substance, And with the first- fruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, And thy vats shall overflow with new wine."