yada yada

Life is challenging
Some make it
Some fake it
There are those of us....that just barely survive
Keep on, keeping on!

All I thought, was a lie

Yes, it seems I have misplaced my self-esteem. I don't think I really had it in the right place to begin with. I took for granted the things God has blessed me with. I let my heart be trampled on because I trusted lies. My world was shaken and I saw things through foggy glasses. I misread what truly was there. Beauty is what was before me, yet I saw a worthless, insufficient and useless piece of the puzzle. How amusing that my mind played games as if I was defective. It is not enough to see myself as invaluable or for someone to take so little account of me. We are priceless, whether you like it or not we are created in God's image. We can deface others or have people treat us less than what we are worth.....BUT how does that honor the creator? When we mock others or laugh at our insecurities what does that say of our trust in Him? Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT settle. The world and its enticing dreams will fade away, it will only last for a while. Then what is to become of us? It is so easy to be distracted, yet only God can restore us....bringing us to his lap for rest. All I thought was a lie, I saw ugly....he saw lovely, I saw disappointment...He saw grace, I saw hurt....he saw hope. I am of incredible worth, I belong to Him! He created me in His image, one that is pure, brilliant, and unique. Let Him remodel your thoughts so that the lies will cease and you may accept what is honestly there reflecting in the mirror before you.

Comforting Arms

I am up, unable to sleep and my thoughts rest on my faith. Do you question things? Like why things happen the way they do or wonder where is God in the mist of my sorrow or pain? I have been there yet, right now I feel as if I'm a ship lost in the storm. My compass is broken and my eyes are tired from the constant rain beating down on my face. I can no longer strain to see past this darkness and I'm weary from the waves crashing against me. I attempted for so long to hoist the sail and get through this storm, but it shall not pass. Atleast, until I realize I'm not the captain. When I let go and sit with the cold, harsh wind hitting my body I want to cry and pretend its all a nightmare. I know how I got here, I don't expect anyone to rescue or lend me a hand. My life has been just that: MY life! I didn't want to be the first mate, I wanted to be captain. I wanted to steer, I wanted to call the shots. Now, the storm is too much. I am overwhelmed and unable to focus. This is where I decline and inform you that I don't care anymore. Everything serves in time. Life continues to happen and I choose to rest. I'm done living in storms, I surrender to a place where grace wraps around me like a huge, fuzzy blanket. Where I am accepted for just that, accepted. There is this comfort that comes from a hug, not just any hug, but one that eases your tears, allows your shoulders to sink low and your head rest upon the chest. I imagine His comforting arms to be exactly that, and then some. Afterall, He is the captain! He is the most qualified, and doesn't take it personal when we get lost. He is there NO MATTER what we have done, to embrace and if we choose he will show us how to sleep in the eye of the storm.

It's true

I'ts true, we all struggle, some keep to themselves and few choose to boast. I will just say: "Help me with my unbelief Lord."

It's all in my head

I tell myself to be happy even under the circumstances. It really is all a mind game. To see the horizon for what it truly is and life as the greatest journey before me. Embrace love unprejudiced, expecting nothing in return. These lessons learned are forever embedded in my head.

This is what its like

I am missing you daddy! I can't seem to help but wonder how things could be different if you were still here. I'm tired daddy, where can I lay my mind so sleep may come? Yet, I am forever thankful for the times we shared, for the memories I now treasure and the laughter you brought to me and my children. I am blessed to have had such a wonderful dad. Not many get to experience the love of a kind and compassionate father. Whether it be the love of a mother, of a sister, brother, friend, aunt, uncle; whomever it is that has shown you that love exist, cherish them and the seconds you hold together. For this is what its like when they are gone, an empty spot inside you that can never be filled again. I am comforted to know he lived and lived fully, he loved unconditionally. He accepted people where they were at and did anything for them. This is how Jesus loves and how we can see that love is real. Smile, because someone loves you and you too can love.

April showers

At the end of this month is my father's birthday, April 27th. He would have been 63 this year. Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of him, since his death. I miss him. He taught me so much; to see both sides of the story, to help others in need, how to laugh when it gets hard, to work, to appreciate what you have, and be the best at anything you put your hands to because doing so gives glory to God. He was a mighty giant, he was a warrior. He was my hero! April showers bring memories of my unforgettable father, so if you notice a tear or two from my eyes it's because I miss my hero. My dad was the BEST dad!

I thought I felt you smile

It was a Monday night and I had to teach yoga. I was overwhelmed with this incredible joy. The room felt thick and full of beautiful energy. It was as if you were there daddy. As if you were smiling at me. I couldn't stop smiling, I was so content to feel your presence. Then the tears of joy wanted to let loose, but I knew my class would not understand. So I held back the tears and just smiled.

Okay, so that's NOT my name

I love teaching aerobics, I find it amusing and ALWAYS entertaining. Although lately, I have been getting in quite a bit of trouble at work so, it hasn't been the same. I've had to, how can I put this lightly, contain some of my energy. I have NO clue (hehehe) who keeps ratting me out. Could be a member at the gym or a fellow co-worker, whoEVAH it is- I would enjoy sharing a few choice words with. I am laughing writing this because my motto, when I teach lately, has been to not share my real name during class. I introduce myself as Linda or Stacy, yet when I'm really feeling frisky I use a fellow instructors name. People that are acquainted with me and have been attending my classes let out a giggle or two. It totally makes my spirit light up because it reminds me of that song "That's Not My Name." Which brings me to my incredible, intense point. The song quotes: "they call me Stacy, they call me her," whatever it is they call her she claims "That's NOT my name!" In life, people assume that they know me or think that they know me because they know my name or what it is that I do....in actuality they have no clue. Truly, there is only one that apprehends me. Yes, it's God. Honestly, who else could know us inside out and still want to be with us? Some read my blog and say I'm hurting or sad, the fact is I'm plowing through, attempting to understand why and how I can get to utopia. It is NOT our job to know other peoples business or meddle in their lives trying to create more tension. We are here to know God, to share God, once that happens we will be with Him forever. So, until then.....that's not my name.

So Much More

There is so much more to this life than we can fathom. I needed a laugh today & someone made it happen. I know through my struggles & weaknesses that there is always hope. It may not feel as if it is there or even around the corner, yet it is. Last year when I lost my father to cancer I didn't feel an ounce of hope. As much as I prayed & cried, I felt completely alone. Sometimes, I still feel utterly isolated, unmatched, unaided, and as someone that deserves to be left desolate. Unremarkably, our creator has a totally different view of things. His perspective of me (of you) is profoundly and passionately intense to the point of Him sacrificing the most beloved gift known to mankind: His son. We are valid, for some insane reason his concern & compassion for us is off the charts. He reaches to us, yearns for us as we yearn for security & comfort. There is no one except God himself that has the capability to not only represent but significantly fill our desires and remove us from the torture of pain. He, if we allow, will offer the experience of a lifetime, providing fullness, contentment & everlasting joy! In the evening I see Him in my childrens breath as they sleep, in the morning I hear Him as He wakes me with the birds song of delight. If I seek him, through this journey He has bestowed upon me, I will find Him. It is everything that surrounds me where I can acknowledge His presence, I just need to be still, be quiet & ahhh....he is with me. And amazingly enough He gives me what I need, just like the much needed laugh from a friend!