Pain & Suffering

There is a reason for pain & suffering, although I can not see it just quite, yet. This too shall pass & when morning breaks I may discover the lesson learned to get me through my heartache.

I love you, yet you don't love

How do people fall in love? We can scientifically try to explain how our bodies produce certain hormones and its natural. After all isn't it built in us to reproduce?

Someone once told me: "I won't fall in love with you." It stung worse than any bug bite and my stomach started to feel sick, I almost threw up. You see I have this beautiful gift, and quite possibly the worst gift in the world when it comes to the heart. I love unconditionally. This is why friends tell me anything and everything. They know I will accept them NO MATTER WHAT. And, what they tell me in confidentiality will not go past my ear drum. I find it hard to hate someone, no matter what horrific sin they have committed. This puts me at a very difficult place when it comes to relationships. I continue to let the person back in, embrace and allow them kill me softly again. I can't imagine what God goes through every minute. He listens, he embraces, he loves unconditionally, and the 6 billion people in the world that he knit together piece by piece in the womb- reject him on a daily bases. I know when someone leaves, and my heart is bruised that God has been there, done that, and I can uncontrollably cry on his shoulder. I have to remember not everyone knows how to love and through time maybe they might not only see it yet, feel it. Then, maybe they can share it. Or, their heart might just have been beaten to a pulp and our gracious Father can restore & repair it (when they are ready (to surrender and let him)).

Daddy will always be near......

You may not see him, but he's here.

The Circus

Here's the thing, in life, we have the choice to do whatever we want! As a child I wanted to run away & join the circus, I desired to become a clown. Many laugh because they know me, and how I adore standing in the sea of joy. Not letting others hinder us from what we may become is a challenge. Surrounding ourselves with optimistic thinkers and encouraging motivators may inspire us. Yet, when we encounter the realist and the pessimistic downers of this world, we can get side-tracked.
This is no secret, we have the ability & opportunity to become ANYTHING! It is quite exciting! The mind is a powerful tool, many preach and tell of how it is only mind over matter. I imagine, and know the best is yet to have arrived. My God will meet me and supply ALL my needs. My life may come across as overwhelming at times, running around with four children can resemble a circus act. I'll be pushing a shopping cart in the middle of Wal-Mart, thinking things are fine until a fight breaks out with my three boys. People stare, laugh, comment and I in the chaos am humbled.
Nonetheless, moments occur where I'm sitting and watching my children play outside(them unknowingly of my presence) where they are sweet and kind towards each other....and peace washes over me. I love my circus! I embrace the consequences to the choices I've made; and attempt in every way to uncover how my God can use me. Use me in this circus act of my life. Apprehending, how there is more to come and I can rest assured perceiving that the desires of my heart were buried there for a reason. He holds the key to such treasures and will make them discovered by my following Him.

Scared

Eve woke up screaming & crying, she was scared. It was dark, so she probably felt lost. She cried out for me, so I ran to pick her up in my arms to let her know that she wasn't alone. I was there to comfort & hold her, assuring her that there was nothing to fear. I wiped away the tears that were rolling down her face & tucked her by my side, where she fell back to sleep. I believe that happens to us all the time. We get to these points in life where we are completely lost, in the dark, afraid, lonely, fearing the worst & crying out for help. And, if we just say His name: Jesus.....he's there, wiping away our tears that have been streaming down our cheeks. Bending over to put us on his shoulder and carry us to safety. For it is God that loves us whole, only he can calm our thoughts and remind us that He is our daddy. Our security blanket, our assurance, that he is just those things. Daddy holds us, to let us experience the rest we need. The rest that only occurs tucked in by his side.

Today is a New day!

Today is a new day, the sun finally decided to come out from playing peek-a-boo with the clouds after a week or two of rain & snow. It is beautiful watching the sun rays fall through the windows. Right now, I'm so content sitting in the local Chic-Fil-A playground area admiring the energy spent by my giggly children due to the sugar attack from the ever so lovely ice cream. I believe some joys can not be captured in words, there are moments in life where words will never be enough- time in space that can only be felt, not expressed through readings or writings. I am in this current stage of life where everything seems at a stand still & I'm okay with that. My computer crashed last month when I was getting prepared to launch a web-site, everything gone: pictures from hundreds of memories, a thousand songs on my i-tunes, a book I was writing & videos for my web-site. Of course, I was extremely sad because I had no back-up, yet I imagined the thousands of Haitians that lost so much more. I am content, yet my heart still aches at times for a better world, one where we honestly love as Jesus does. To be the sunshine that shines through other hearts so that they might know of the incredible, intense love & joy that can only stem from our heavenly Father. God is beautiful & resting in Him is where being content is explored and we can be free to just be!

I Ran

Today I went for a run, I decided to try to break my 25 minute three mile.....so I was speeding & pushing. I started out on the treadmill then ended up in the cold outdoors (with shorts on), to finally finishing on the indoor track. I literally was dragging my feet afterwards because I ran my 3 miles in 22.5 minutes! Its my new shoes, it has to be!
During the run I began to cry, I know whah-whah, I'm a crybaby. I couldn't stop. I felt as if I was beating my body up due to pushing myself so hard. Isn't it crazy how we abuse ourselves & act as if its ok? So many of us are in pain & suffering, yet we deceive our minds and pretend if we try harder or push just enough we will be better, feel better.
We make choices, imagining only the best, then end up with scars. I started to cry during my run today because I saw how God sees me. I saw a young used, abused, confused and worn out lady, but HE still wants me! He said my name and that's all he had to do, because his tone was in love. The torture I put myself through because of my selfish thoughts, he still cared, he still remained. I ran, from Him. I was ashamed and knew I didn't deserve His mercy. Yet, He pursued me. He knew I would eventually fall from all the stones. Stones of rejection and wrath, stones that were created by words from people that can not hide their ignorance. No matter what the stones were made out of or who they were thrown by, He was ready to catch me. He was there to pick me up, so that I might not drag my beaten body and broken spirit. He has this power that no one else can compare to, where his heart is more than enough to hydrate me when I am completely depleted. I cried knowing that if I had surrendured sooner, the bruises would have been healed by now. My Saviour loves me NOW, this very moment, every moment. He waits for us, waits along side of us, until we let him in to restore our joy. Trust Him, not me.....I'm just crying because I can see Him running TO me and not from me.

yuck

Feeling so bland today. My desire to eat is not really there. I want so badly to hit the refresh button in my head. If I could just program myself to not feel this way, life might quite possibly be much easier. My hopes, dreams are gone at this moment & I am laying here longing for my body to magically produce endorphins, so that I can soar again. Where are you Lord? I am nothing without you.

These are a few of my favorite things......

Being that I, Kara Christine Adams, am turning the year of our Lord (plus one) this coming Wednesday, I am registered at Target and Barnes & Noble. Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding. But, seriously my birthday wish list is world peace and a garlic press. I am super excited to turn another year older, this weekend I had the greatest pleasure to spend time with my best friend (who is currently the year of our Lord -1) in her town of Raleigh, NC. Alyssa Katherine IS one of my favourite things, she showed me how God loves 21 years ago when we made acquaintance. God accepts at all times and that's what she did. Thank you Alyssa, I love you and cherish our friendship. My children ARE my favourite things, they continuously teach me to pray earnestly and see through their eyes, eyes that know not of a world filled with hate and shame. To see beauty through innocence and not old, warped, broken glasses. I have love because I am loved and I give love. Thank you mom, thank you Dana, thank you family and friends for your love and your time, your efforts and endless memories. Every year gets better, no matter the hardships or trials I face. I am loved and my vision becomes more precise each passing year, not due to my optimism yet, because of whom I am blessed to be with. God shares only His best and if we seek it, we might find that standing in the waterfall of His grace is the ONLY way to experience the fullness of life.


Ps.
Okay, okay, if world peace can not be covered than I will gladly accept a cover case for my coolpix camera or the most awesome book evah: The Secret Language of Birthdays by Gary Schneider and Joost Elffers! For those of you that don't know me....still kidding, yet let's celebrate because I'm so fun!

Six year olds

Last Monday, my youngest boy turned six. My handsome boy, Seth Elliott, knows just how to find your soft spot. He is officially known as "Boo" in our home and he can out snuggle anyone. He makes us smile with his car obsession, he has always loved them and could handle his electric jeep at the age of 1.5 (more so than his older brothers)! Every day he tells me: "I love you mommy," and every other day he says: "Your the best Mommy ever!" Yes, I do believe he knows how to soften many of hearts. He is very thankful, which in turn allows me to learn from him. His grateful heart inspires me to see through this life with loving eyes. He delights in laughter, he falls down and gets up with zeal, and he completely loves. He is tough, at the age of three he had to have 7 staples in his head due to an accident on the brick steps of our house. He and his brothers were playing hard, for a moment (well, several moments) I lost it. There was blood everywhere -on his shirt and his dad's shirt. I freaked, my baby boy was hurt and I had to watch him suffer through pain. He recovered quickly, showing that toughness. He may be tough when it comes to playing rough, but I get to experience his warm hugs, encouraging words and precious kisses. Happy 6th year boo, I love you. Your my baby bear and I wouldn't trade you for anything.