My Father: Part II

I wanted to honor my father the day of his memorial, so I shared a bit at the service......

My dad was a wonderful father, devoted husband, caring friend and an example of Christ. He had the best smile and heart filled laugh. I used to giggle with him as a young child, express how he embarrassed me as a teenager (by telling jokes and making fun with my friends), and finally I found his humor quite appealing as an adult. I realized he was smarter than me when I was turning 12 or 14 as he beat me at a game of Tetris(Nintendo- old school). My dad was so advanced when it came to technology and more "in the know" on the latest movie or music scene. His ability to laugh and listen are two of the characteristics I admired most. He instilled scripture in me by reading bedtime stories from the Bible as I was growing up. He was kind and gentle, he came to all my games and shows, read my writings and encouraged me to pursue my dreams. I absolutely adored my fathers laugh, savored his smile, and cherished his stories of growing up as a twin. His upbringing molded him into what he became, an exceptional man. His family loved to laugh, enough to where you cry or can't breath. My dad led by example the love of God through his life by providing for our family, using discipline, showing what it means to praise God -he persevered, he was patient, he loved when no one else seemed interested, he accepted me as our Heavenly Father accepts us....no matter where we are and just as we are. He acted on God's grace and lived hope. I aspire to do the same and reflect pieces of him, parts of the King, especially to my children.

WHOA

One of my handsome boys was asking me how to spell some words tonight and then handed me this little notebook. Andrew then said, "This is a song I wrote." I was in AWE of God's infinite glory when I read each and every beautiful word. Here is my precious 7 year olds song:

The God I love provides for me.
The God I know loves me.
He is Bigger than all my fears.
My God is more powerful than lightening.

We got my guitar out to put some chords with it, then added the chorus line:

And I will worship you
And I will follow you

Moments like this refresh me and remind me why I'm a mom.

My Father: Part I

July 12th, 2009: Today, my dad left this world with a smile. He was in so much pain (cancer) and now he is pain free. I know this because I know him and his heart for our Creator. He was welcomed home with angels all around and his parents leading him to the King of ALL Kings. My father had strength, confidence, and a security that every child should see in a father.

He loved the movies, as I was growing up he would often quote from different movies. I can still hear him......."Now Kara, what we have HERE is a failure to communicate." (from 'Cool Hand Luke') I love the fact that my father had no idea how he taught me that a sense of humor is necessary for life. He had such a huge impact on my life.

I will continue in detail later......I need to finish my speech for the Memorial, which will be this Thursday. Plus, I'm tired. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

He is jealous for you

That statement is soooooo true. Last night, Andrew heard this song playing on my blog and asked, "Who is jealous for you?" I told him God is, then he asked, "Why is God jealous for us?"
God loves us with an amazing love that only He can possible provide! Who else is going to suffer for us, and actually lie upon a cross to be crucified? Who else can love us in the most horrid of circumstances, when we are trapped in our own cave of pride, self-pity and sin. There is ONE, and one alone that we can trust, that we can cry out to. He is jealous for US! He watches and waits for us to give up whatever it is in our life that is taking priority over Him. Is it facebook (guilty as charged), is it a relationship, is it sports, or is it achievements, work, sex, drugs, being the center of attention, always being right? Whatever it may be, He is jealous. He desires intimacy that only He can give. A security that only He can attain. It is He who loves, as only a creator can love. When I make something, anything.....from an article to gaining a new certification, I boast over it, show it off, get really excited about it and am so proud. Because I did it, its mine. God did it, we are His. His love for us is a jealous one.

Keep trekking

Sometimes, I think people are so stupid! Save the drama for the movies, at least the actors are getting paid! For now I'm just going to ignore the stupid people and think to myself:
"Don't give in, don't give up, keep moving, keep trekking!"

Hypocrites

Hypocrites, I think I understand what Jesus was talking about. You can not go through life expecting people to accept you as you are or see your pain and reach out a hand. When it comes to most, we use our past influences in stressful situations. Sad, yet even the best or worst of us become ignorant and hurtful without even acknowledging it. Judging others, even when we catch ourselves saying, "I feel sorry for her", is something I believe God wanted us to stay away from. His grace is more than wonderful, yet His people- more than human. Pride will tear you down if you let it control you; and anger: building up in your heart by blaming others for your pain or actions will lead you to hypocrisy. Be Jesus, not what we think is Jesus. We need to investigate the plank in our own eyes, not the splinters in our friends or families. Pray you will know him in the fullness of His everlasting arms and search His heart, for our hearts are sinful.

I might step on your toes

Football season, baseball practice, dance lessons, hockey games, bands, EVERYONE has a passion. People get crazy when it comes to what they love and their kids games. My passion just happens to be God, I'm pretty much a HUGE fan when it comes to Jesus. Yet, I have never understood why its more than okay to scream and shout your face off at your favorite teams home game, then turn around to make fun of someone singing and shouting, excited about God. It's funny....people wigging out that your totally hyped up about something that is SO MUCH BIGGER than ANY athlete on Earth! Talking bout the head dude that created these cool athletes! Nothing is better than KNOWING the ONE who created us. My whole being supports my God. People may say things that knock my love for Christ when I sing or dance, but I don't care because I know He is everything to me and I just can't seem to get enough!

Sweet Spirits in my mist

About a week ago when both my dogs got out and I had to be at work, my oldest son ran off to find them. I didn't know where they were for approximately 45 minutes and I started to freak out. Then, 15 minutes before I had to be at work, I got a call from a neighbor two streets over. "Your son and dogs are here." I high tailed it over, got my son and dogs. Then sped all the way to work where I had to change my anxiety to happy mode for class. After class, I was chatting with two wonderful co-workers whom I spoke about my hectic morning, when I arrived home....they were there. These incredible women just grabbed cleaning supplies and attacked my room. I was in awe, as if my heart was being picked up and comforted after a bad storm within my chest. Tears streaming down my face, yet a hope that stirred in me of how there are still people in this world that live out compassion. My eyesight was not playing tricks on me, there were angels in my mist. Some are thinking -so what, but you did not see my room. It was awful, boxes, trash, toys EVERYWHERE!!!! I lost the ability to take care of my home after I had Eve because that is when my father was diagnosed with a gleoblastoma brain tumor(malignant). For the past 3 years, I have been in this intense process of raising four children, starting a business and financial struggles......thus began the horrific walk of cancer for my daddy. I'm am not suggesting people feel sorry for me, please read another blog if you do. I want people to see me as an encouragement, knowing that we can press on and make it through whatever tornadoes in life that may occur. Life is not full of easy buttons, nor is it supposed to be constant suffering. I just want to know that in the end, I gave my all and did everything I could to glorify my King. There will be trials and hardships. The big questions are: "How am I responding to it all?" "Am I living as if I am taking up my cross and following Him daily?", "What is the wise decision to make?", "Can I say that in this life I KNEW my heavenly Father?", "What is my life reflecting?", "Do I shine?", "Will I have the opportunity to be someones' sweet spirit that helps to get them through an impossible moment?" My hearts desire, is to be more like Him....thank you my dear, sweet friends who picked me up and beamed the light of hope and grace, our Fathers love poured out through you.

Cancer

My father fell last Sunday and broke his right hip and knee. He is in so much pain. I literally HATE pain, I HATE cancer, I HATE pain. I get mad and wonder how can I make it go away? I think if my dad sees the kids he will want to fight more. I understand there is nothing I can do, but I HATE it! I fall apart and can't function. I want to cry uncontrollably and scream. My father just cries and doesn't want to see anyone. He can't help it, he gets angry because he can't do what he wants to do or communicate for that matter. My mother is worn down and I, barely able to stand up.

I am blessed....

I love sleeping in! I am usually taking kids to school and running off to work bright and early. So, there is nothing like a day when you get to just sleep in, even if it is only an hour or so. As I am up at midnight typing this silly blog. Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm definitely a night owl. Although, I do enjoy getting up. Fresh, new mornings, starting ALL over again. This morning, I was blessed to sleep in as my husband took the older children to school. I woke with my two younglings excited to find their mommy right beside them. We found Dr. Seuss awaiting and were very content to snuggle and discover new words. Unfortunately, we could not hide away forever, so we grabbed cereal in a cup and shot out the door to pick up their siblings, who only had a half day at school. Summer is only a day away!
We proceeded to run to the store for some toilet paper which in turn became a life learning moment. Three of them were so anxious to get more than just tp. "Why can't I have gum?" "Why can't I have this bag of balloons?" And Tink screaming over purple Jelly shoes! "No, no, no." "Not today. We are just getting what we came for." If you have children, you understand what goes on when you say NO. If you do not, good for you....your the person giving me looks as if to say, "What were you thinking when you decided to have FOUR children." Mega meltdowns, gotta love 'em! I kind of tune out the noise. When I see someone else experiencing them and I'm actually by myself -I can't help but giggle. It's SOOOO funny to watch. Human nature, I guess.
We arrive back to our humble home to enjoy more meltdowns from Tink, she did NOT want to be home. She wanted to go, go, go. I am always on the go, so when we have a day where we can just chill.....it throws Tink off and she does NOT find it acceptable at ALL. Long story short: 50 or more barrettes all over the front porch, VHS tape film pulled out and wrapped around the dining room chairs, Tiger(our sweet dog) enjoying grilled cheese sandwiches meant for someone else, bath water all over the blinds/door/floor/me/mirror, neighbors laughing at the streaker that lives in my house, colorful artwork on my white walls, missing Tupperware, gum all over face, hands and hair, and finally puzzle pieces under bed sheets, in shoes and frozen in the freezer. Some might label my precious little girl with three brothers as a Diva, yet, around here she's called Tink. It's short for Tinkerbell the tornado. She may come across as demanding at times, but I see her carefree spirit and love that I'm her Peter Pan. She follows me everywhere. She sprinkles the best pixie dust in town, just ask any of my lost boys. She makes every single one of us feel special when she says, "Hey you!" Then pulls you in for a beautiful, BIG hug! Like I said, "I am blessed!"
Before Peter Pan had to fly off to work for a bit, the lost boys and Tink watched a Veggie Tales show so Pan could watch with shut eyes.
Then bed-time was finally in sight, where Andrew asks the easy questions: "Why did God make other gods?" and "How old is God?" Like I said, "I am blessed!"
Even sitting here now, Tink finds me to make sure I'm okay. I love her pixie dust, I love my lost boys......and you know what? I am blessed.