Fuck, I'm writing again...

    There is something so sexy about a blank page. It is refreshing...the nothingness, how no judgement has yet been cast, just a clean slate. It welcomes complete honesty, not a fuck to hold. What may spill out upon the page has yet to arrive. The words waiting to escape and bleed without worry of the mess it may make. That is how I feel when I get the opportunity to write and let my verbiage completely explode. Raw, real, unapologetic, it really is who I am. Unafraid, as if no one will read it and find out how deeply I can go. As I mentioned in the beginning: sexy. The unknown has forever been more of a temptation to me than another soul. Another soul seems like too much work, the trusting part...do we really need to trust? Nothing is staple, guaranteed. I know this more than anyone, its why I laugh so much and find a reason to smile. People scare the hell out of me. I learned lessons throughout my life I wish upon no one. The lives that have hurt me, I'm being too kind. There are those that sought out to destroy me, crush me to the point of no recovery. For some divine reason I didn't allow that, I fought back, I created and accepted everything thrown at me as a challenge. Now, I find myself amongst others that have done the same and can't for the depths of me explain with any human language how grateful I am. The beauty I'm surrounded by and the exceptional light that beams from their hearts. I'm overwhelmed. The paint I stroke upon the canvas and words I type upon each page is inspired from those that lift me up without even knowing. My heart is fluttering, my body is shaking. I'm living in the moment and that's where I'm meant to be because I belong here. We are one, so don't take it personal and let the fucks fall.        

What's a woman to do?

 I made a Facebook post commenting on women that post mainly pictures of themselves only in swimsuits, wearing next to nothing or with their makeup perfectly done with filters. Hinting they want attention with these sort of post. I took it down understanding people were taking it personally. My intention was not to appear judgmental. To be honest, I was drinking at the time. A part of me awakened to defining acceptance and judgment. Hence the pictures of their definition. I don’t blame women feeling the need to express themselves so strongly due to the fact that women have been oppressed since the beginning of time. We’ve been silenced, abused, sexualized, raped, removed rights, been told where “our place” is. If those aren’t reasons to get lit over, angered & traumatized....I don’t know what would be. Many men have been taught that women are objects to be looked at, as someone to care for all their basic needs: food, maids, mothers, sex, etc. Not as equals that are smart, strong, and deserving of respect. Some women agree it is better to be seen and not heard. Women tearing down other women for their personal gain or selfish jealousy is another painful to have to watch. This is the exact opposite of acceptance, which brings me back to why I posted my drunken thoughts on social media the day before. 

Here it is: when we accept ourselves, we open the way to accept others. We won’t need to feel acceptance from anyone else. We will have the freedom to not take others actions or words personally, nor make assumptions. To look at others as a mirror, a reflection of one's own opinion. Basically, if I’m insecure, I’ll see insecurities. If I’m strong, I’ll see strength, if I’m mad...you get my drift? I could go on and on, but I need to go love on some women right now. 

God

If God’s love is like the ocean, why do I not feel the crash of the waves? How can I possibly get lost in His love that goes deep and wide beyond any measurement of time? A love that fearlessly embraces you as you are...never holding back forgiveness & grace? Peace that offers assurance of never ending freedom sounds too good to be true. Yet, if I stand still, I understand. If I sit in observance I see it. If I lay down I feel it as if a dream has taken me into its three-dimensional world. May I be yours God, & you be mine. 

Self

 Yesterday I saw a surfboard that said “May the sea set you free.” In that moment I felt it register throughout every fiber of my being. Years of abusive relationships, it’s as if I finally woke up. Two years ago I let someone in. For 40 years I had walls and allowed my insecurities to flow freely. This one was gentle, kind, encouraging, believing in my talents and pursued me for a year. He persisted, I didn’t understand why at the time. Today, I’m beyond grateful because I was able to discover my worth during that time. Unconditional love and acceptance set me free. Love like an ocean gave me freedom. The uncontrollable waves crashed my thoughts of never succeeding and tolerating abuse. Water that attracts those ready to fully live surrounded me. Those who want to explore a world unknown and willing to learn how to soar with the birds. Yes, I gave in. I stripped my clothes of imprisonment and embraced something new. It was different from anything I’ve ever known. Trust? Peace? No, freedom. Freedom to be the little girl I was born to be. I’m here, I’m accepting the unpredictable wonders that may come my way with an open heart. No more judgment, just instinct. I’m not required to do anything or be a certain way, I’m free to imagine. I’m worthy to be loved, to love, I’m worthy to be here because I’m here. Someone opened the door to my soul and I saw the glory of which I was made of. It is absolutely amazing. The coolest part is, sit down....you really need to hear this, WE ARE THE SAME. That bright light that blinds you in the mornings is only your reflection. Chew on that and see how incredible it taste. 

I'm used to breaking all the rules

I've never been one to understand rules, especially ones that are silent. You know, the ones where we are supposed to draw inside the lines or wear underwear. I pretty much suck at abiding by societies rules. I like to be social, yet there are many times I enjoy hiding away. So, I'm not exactly an extravert or introvert, don't quite fit in any box or category.
Back to what I was saying, the most obscene rules I believe are the dating ones. All the relationship books I've read are pretty right on: do you, don't ever stray from that(which is a GREAT tip to living the happy life). Another one is making the guy wait, allow him to get his ego fed by holding off when it comes to sex. Allow him to hunt, to chase you. There are so many ways to do this and I suck at ALL of them. It’s ANNOYING to have so many “assumed” guidelines! Whatever happened to just being yourself??? If you meet someone....fantastic! If you don’t, join the rest of us losers that are apparently lost in unrealistic standards of being an actual kind human that returns text messages & phone calls. I’m just going to hang out over here in my imaginary utopia palace where I still believe people can be good & good things will happen to them.
By the way, I know my blog isn't for everyone....trust me, I see the numbers. I've been told I'm a wonderful writer, but I know the truth....no one reads this blog and my book sales are NO sales. So, I figured I would just go ahead and write whatever the hell I want and be filter free.
Why can't we just go ahead and live in a world free of competition? Free from judgement and attachment of our past? I don't like playing games, I'm not into rules on how to "get the guy". Guess I'm choosing single-hood, it does look quite good on me, right? I'll just keep celebrating those I'm surrounded by that revel in their romantic relationships.

This brings up a point of why I've always been a fan of Jesus & his never ending reckless love that accepts me unconditionally, now that’s appealing. No having to learn ways to win him over, he's already into me(& you too).

brush yo hair!

When I was younger, I absolutely despised brushing my hair. If I did, it would look like a fully grown chia pet. Every morning my mother would tell me, "Kara, BRUSH YOUR HAIR." Sometimes I would attempt to listen and painfully obeyed, leaving me quite embarrassed. I ask myself 33 years later "why?" Why was I embarrassed about having frizzy curly hair? Why am I still embarrassed if I don't look completely 'put together'? Not that I honestly try at all, yet if I pass by another woman that does appear to have her shit together and looks UH-mazing, I immediately feel incompetent. Yes, at 43 years old I randomly get intimidated. Is it because I don't understand I'm enough, or I'm comparing myself? Who am I supposed to be comparing myself to anyway? I'm not young, I'm not in shape like I was a few years ago, and there's a chance I've forgotten where I left my apartment key. Brushing hair is overrated, and apparently sleep is too, as I sit up in my bunk bed typing this pointless blog entry. Oh yeah, have I mentioned I sleep in the top bunk of my crashpad that host about 22-25 people? It's a three bedroom apartment with about 4 bunks per room...its not too bad. I pay about $300 per month and everyone is rarely here at the same time because we are all flight attendants on different schedules. New flight attendants deserve a reality tv show, with a theme song and a voice resembling Robin Leach saying: Lifestyles of the Bitches and Shameless. Until next time, good night.

No Ingles

Running through what some may call the 'ghetto' terminal of Charlotte due to all the construction and mass confusion, I enjoyed some entertaining thoughts. I was rushing to catch a plane in another terminal and heard someone shouting across the way: "Ma'am! Do you speak English?" I look over and the woman was waving me down, I squinted my face and then remembered I was in uniform. I didn't realize I resembled a Spanish speaking origin, or maybe it was just the fact I was wearing my glasses and that made me look 10 times more intelligent. An intelligent bi-lingual woman, I'll take it! I responded as I picked up my pace towards the direction of my plane: "No Ingles!" 

Flight Attendant Bedtime Stories

Dim lights, patterned carpet, the sound of the fan running, that old building smell, and little ol' me in this huge ass hotel bed. Alone. The heat on, yet I'm still cold. Eyes heavy from tiredness, the aching growing stronger from lack of sleep. Still trying to recover from nights before, when I had a deadhead to New York from Washington, DC. Realizing it was midnight by the time the company got me to my hotel room. I fell onto the bed, not seeing any point to change clothes because four hours later I would be shuttled back to the airport to work the flight back to DC. Thinking I could sleep the rest of the day was wishful. My 38 by 75 inches of personal space in the crashpad may only be half the size of this hotel king mattress but, for some odd reason it doesn't make me feel as lonely.

Spread the word

Can you help me spread the word about The Little Yogi books? This is part of the Ladybug Project, raising awareness on child molestation. These books give children 3-10 years of age coping mechanisms for anxiety and stress related symptoms. 

The 🐞 Project wants children to have tools for a successful life and be able to help trauma related reactions have less of an impact on these beautiful little lives. You can help, find the books on amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com by searching my name: Kara C Adams. 

Let’s get these books in every elementary school possible & be the change we want to see. Yoga poses are at the end of every book: 

‘Just My Luck’

‘A New Dawn’

‘Walk the Plank’

#childrensbooks #thelittleyogi #traumatools #bethechange #author #theladybugproject #hope #counseling #elementary

Top 10 Life hacks.....

#1:

Don’t expect anything

(from anyone or anything).

#2:

When you gotta go.....GO!

 #3:

Don’t take things personally.

#4:

Don’t make assumptions.

#5:

Let joy be an inside job.

No one or materialistic thing will be able to take it away.

#6:

Enjoy the present, be present, put the phone down & be in the moment, the conversation. This is how the best memories are created.

#7:

Be impeccable with your word.

#8:

Make people smile, if you aren’t funny, give compliments. 

#9:

Let people know they matter. Be kind, hold the door, say “hello”, text a heart; every life matters, so let us celebrate that.

#10:

Always do your best.

Your best looks different from my best, give the best we can in each moment & every moment requires something different. Our best will not always look and feel the same.

I....such a significant word

I’ve worked out for over 20 years. Everyday there has been a drive within me to get stronger. Quite possibly because I felt the need to fight back. We’ve been told to exercise & eat “healthy” for ourselves, that taking care of self is a way of loving self and knowing self worth. Well, it’s only over the past 2 years that I have been discovering my net-worth, my value, the fact that I am beyond worthy to be loved. 

I got up everyday to make sure my kids were happy, to encourage others, to make sure they knew their breath mattered. I knew I had a purpose, to love, to share joy. Yet, I never thought I deserved it. 

Today, I finally want to be alive! Did you hear that? Or see it? That small, short word that is a game changer: 
I

I want to be here, 
I want to work out, 
I need it. 

⛪ 🔥 💨

Walked into a church this morning....I’m still here, didn’t catch on fire. 😉 There was a time  when church felt good to go to, yet that was also a time in my life that I embraced unconditional love for people. Because that’s what Jesus did when he walked the earth, right? I guess you could say I’ve stumbled through shadows and valleys, hell appeared closer than heaven, and through all those lessons I now view life differently. My faith started strong, or was it really something naïve I chose to believe due to others bombarding fears? Actions speak louder to me than anything else now a days. I still have a heartbeat that craves deeper intimacy with my creator, yet I’ve learned to never put my trust in man. Humans are unpredictable, like animals, easily fed with lies. Deep down we are all lost and lust after a vision to be found. I will never stop over thinking and pondering human nature, it’s what I’m good at. People are fascinating, and I continue to choose love. I’ve seen how it melts the hardest of shells, punctures through the fakest of masks, and tears down walls we’ve attempted to build. Love, as well as joy, heals the most traumatic wounds. Even wounds from my church years when I was completely alone, I gave the church everything and got judgment in return. I’ll be honest, church people scare me more than demons. At least with demons we know what they want....so, I’m weary of people that “preach” the gospel. So many of them want to change you, make sure you look and sound like them. I don’t know about you, but I like who I am plus, I graduated from high school & cliques back in 1995. My point, as if I really need one is:
1. Why yell at or judge people when you have the opportunity to love them?
2. Why tell others to be something they aren’t when YOU can just be yourself?
3. KINDNESS is golden, helping people instead of giving out excuses feeds the soul.
4. An oldie, but a goodie: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” OR just do you & I’ll do me. 🤩

5 Life Lessons

5 lessons I’ve learned over the past 10 years walking through divorce, child separation, parent alienation, & death:
1. No person or material thing can make me happy, happiness is an inside job. Only the self has the power of making a decision to choose joy. AND......Don’t take things personal or make assumptions.
2. Peace is all perspective. Becoming conscious of my emotions and reactions help me respond to life situations with ease. Knowing there is a surplus of possibilities and not just one solution reassures me stress is an option, not a requirement. Forgiveness releases pain and anger, as well as opens the doorway for healing.
3. Remain open, so I may continue to grow mentally and financially. Reading books daily reminds me there is more to explore & what I’m used to (or what I’ve learned in my past) isn’t the “only” way.
4. Take time out for myself. Meditate, create, rest, eat, PLAY, enjoy a piece of my day! This keeps me grounded & grateful. I must take care of myself in order to give back towards others. Can’t give from an empty basket! Just keep doing my best.
5. Movement matters. Being physical, staying active, reminds my body how good it feels. Nutrition nourishes my body, gives me energy, & keeps me feeling (& looking) forever young!

This is my truth, and may I remain impeccable with my word.
Kara C Adams

You won’t like this....

What you interpret from anything I write is all your own shit that you are personally dealing with. Not mine. If you read love, then you see love, if you read sadness, then your sad, whatever you feel is all you. If you think I’m crazy, most likely you are crazy....get tested. It’s not too bad, I’ve been tested, only 750+ questions. My results were clear, just feel bad for the dude that kept screaming at me about how crazy I am & made me take the psych evaluation. $1000 later, nothing new, just confirmation of Kara being Kara. Been through hell and back, yet kept smiling.

You know that scripture from the book of Matthew(chapter 7) in the Bible: 

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”

That’s some good shit. We judge ourselves when we judge others. I’m kind of over all this and people sending me sympathetic messages, telling me to stop searching for love, or I have someone I want you to meet, or “hey Cara! I just joined.....”, “hey darling, how are you babe?” I really want to reply: “fuck off douche!” I like being a hermit, I enjoy being me whether it’s hyper mode, writing mode, or just anti-social mode. The older I get, I want to be bothered less, unless it’s by my kids. Social events give me anxiety unless I’m with a dear friend & we make fun of everything. I’d rather hang out with imaginative kids instead of stuffy adults stuck in their ways. I love to randomly dance, sing out loud, & use my hands to make things. I don’t like touching people unless I know & love them, I would rather create the 100’s of book series in my head than work. I’m a bitch, and I could careless if you like me. 

Beautiful creatures

I lay here in awe of the beautiful creatures that flock to my bed at night. The beauty that radiates from their face and heart.

My application paragraph for a writing mentorship.....

Honestly, I am at a stand still and don't know wtf I want to do anymore. Elephant Journal keeps coming up through various outlets, I've had 3 or more friends mention it and pondered upon it earlier this year. I'm a 41 year old single mother of 4 and have self published a book titled '30 Thoughts from a Christian Yogi', as well as illustrated and written 2 children's books that are a part of a series called 'The Little Yogi'. 'The Little Yogi' series was created to give children the tools they need to cope and heal/conquer any trauma they have experienced. My life lessons of learning non-attachment have occurred through, yet not limited to: missions work around the globe in my youth, losing my father(aka, best friend) to a glioblastoma brain tumor in 2009, divorce, losing a 5 year custody battle, waking up from childhood amnesia to the brutal truth of being molested by my grandfather, homelessness, meditation, and yoga. I'm not ashamed, nor proud of my life, I just want to serve. Through writing this "short and sweet" explanation I do know why I am applying....I want to share my story, so others will know they are not alone. Writing is where I feel most comfortable and permitted to breath easy. My voice shares how passion is our birthright, it stirs to the depths of our souls. Displaying splendor that has been masked for far too long. This physical world is temporary, the essence that creates every individual is worthy of love. The way I see it, if we listen more, to the core of self and each other, progress and growth will be inevitable. We must say “Shhhh” to the noise and embrace the real reason we are here. May we all heal, so that we may all fully live.

I'm ADHD and I know it....

Hi, my name is Kara and I'm ADHD.

I'm like seriously, can I just put this out there? I have NO friggin clue how to contain myself or train myself for that matter. One minute I'm teaching yoga and the next I'm tempted to write a script for a stand up comedy sketch based off my life experiences, especially lately with my attempts to try to have a dating life. Dating in your 40s is NO joke, almost like the thrill you get paying your child support. I'm over here massaging a client complaining about their marriage and giving my expert advice yet, wondering myself how the heck did I end up so lucky? Being single is lucky right? I really don't know what to do with my life. I've tried praying, meditating, pet sitting, complaining, chanting, yet to be honest, writing makes me feel the most accomplished. I think about writing and ideas all throughout the day. Scenarios to stories I make up in my head bounce around until I see something shiny, just kidding, not really. I create YouTube videos, sing mantras, dance in my undies, build furniture, write and illustrate children's books, look into ways to raise awareness against child molestation, teach 10 classes per week, AND STILL CAN'T FOCUS! I forget to fill up my gas tank, wear the same outfit a few days in a row, avoid cleaning anything, listen to the music my parents played as I was growing up, go on social media waaaaaay too much, double dip, and yeah, I eat non-stop if food is put in front of me.

Like I stated in the beginning:

I'm Kara and I have a gift......

ADHD.

Hitting the Lottery....well, mentally

When you work your ass off to pay rent and bills then the test happens of not just one flat tire but, TWO! Ok miracles....I’m trusting, tired, yet trusting. What lessons have uncontrollable moments brought you in life? These moments allow us to notice if we are letting our emotions react. Wether we like it or not, it makes us who we are. I’ve experienced (like most of us) moments of loss and pain that have made me who i am today. I’m grateful for these lessons because it has kept me in tune with compassion. It has made me more aware that I’m not in control of anything except how i react, and how to make the most of any situation....especially finding joy through humor. There is always a solution. 

What’s deep within always manifest, it will either: physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, or socially. What is coming forth, revealing your true nature? Even what seems like the darkest of souls was created in God’s image. Knowing this reminds me how trauma or programmed behavior from years on this earth gives permission for us to love deeper. We live by these things called emotions and feeling, if we were to live by reasoning and logic, we would never accomplish anything worth while. Passion is our birthright, it stirs to the depths of our souls. Displaying splendor that has been masked for far too long. This physical world is temporary, the essence that creates every individual is worthy of love. The way i see it, if we listen more, to the core of self and each other, progress and growth will be inevitable. We must say “Shhhh” to the noise and embrace the real reason we are here. Heal, so that we may fully live.

New blog description.....

As I prepare to launch the Ladybug project next week, I've been changing and updating all my sites online. The Ladybug project will raise awareness towards child molestation. Here is the new description for this blog site, shoot me your thoughts:

Finding joy through suffering. Kara shares her perceptions from child molestation, abuse, death, divorce, parent alienation, homelessness, and how she found joy through the pain. Our old story may not have been by choice, yet our new one is! Author, single mother of 4, yogi that loves God, laughing gangsta, fitness fanatic, and inspirational speaker empowering victims to step into their FREEDOM!

Real Talk...

I'm in bed wearing a free shirt from a church I used to attend. I attempted to stand in front of the mirror naked for a second to do what a book I've been reading told me to do....tell myself, my body "thank you" and really mean it. I ended up crying. Do I even know why? No, I don't. Why must we be our own worst critic? I look at my body and see imperfections, I look at my life and nothing I've done is good enough. Does that mean no one is good enough for me or should I be honest and say what I really feel? That I'm not good enough. Maybe it's the fact that I'm on my period, or maybe I can blame myself for not working out over the past week....what I really want to ask is "Why are so many people miserable and hard on each other? Aren't some of life's circumstances hard enough we don't need to judge others and point out their mistakes? Can we just celebrate and learn to find ways to empower one another through the misunderstandings?" Most people don't make mistakes on purpose, we fall down like a toddler learning to walk. Yet, why are we so much harder on ourselves and others as adults?   I'm tired, most days I can lift and carry the load just enough until I'm ready to surrender. But right now, I just feel like laying here and letting the dirt hit my face til I'm buried deep and made one with the earth. Tomorrow will be different, I'll be bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to proclaim my victory as if I've already conquered the fears of my past. For just this moment, I will lay here in my shattered glass house, feeling my blood run to the ground as if it was all for nothing.